The Heart Of Hope: Guardian of Hope

"What can you do with a friend who talks too much?" I thought, exasperated. Harold, my friend, had been chattering nonstop since we got back to my apartment. It was hard to tell if he was a guy or a girl, he was so dramatic. "Reen, please! Help me sneak out tonight. I really need to see Cloud. He hasn't spoken to me for days, and I'm overthinking everything." Harold pleaded, practically begging on his knees. He wanted to see Cloud, his boyfriend who clearly didn't love him. I mean, come on, his boyfriend sleeps at another girl's place, even sleeps on top of her! Maybe that's Cloud? They're both so flamboyant. "Harold, how can I let you out? Your parents are furious with you. You came home drunk after your last outing, and your mom is still fuming. Besides, why are you overthinking? Cloud is always at some other girl's place, right? You won't catch him at his own place anyway. You'll waste money on the trip. You could have used that money to buy me something, at least you’d be helping me." I snapped, annoyed by his constant nagging since we got back from school. "Mareen, please have mercy on me." I ignored him and went to the kitchen to make a snack. My lunch at the canteen wasn't enough. Just a plate of rice and a chicken leg. It’s barely enough to keep me going until 7 p.m. I opened the cabinet, looking for something to cook, but all I found was a can of sardines and a pack of instant noodles. I forgot to go grocery shopping. I’ll do it later, maybe after I finish cooking. I got the pot and water ready. After I finished cooking and setting the table, I called Harold to eat. "Reen, what do you think about our event tomorrow?" Harold asked suddenly while we were eating. I swallowed my noodles before answering. "I don’t know," I said briefly. "You’re such a great conversationalist. Thanks for the helpful answer," he said sarcastically. He almost slammed his fist on the table because of my answer. What’s wrong with my answer? I really don’t know what the outcome of the acquaintance party will be. Am I a fortune teller? No, right? I’m too beautiful to be a fortune teller. "I’m so excited for tomorrow! Do you have an outfit? What are you going to wear? Will you wear something revealing? OMG, I can’t wait!" He bombarded me with questions. He wasn’t just excited, he was practically bouncing off the walls. "I’ll probably wear pants and a crop top," I said. It’s not like we need to dress up. It’s just a casual party to relax after midterms. We’re just student leaders organizing the event. We’ll be too busy to dress up anyway. We’re moving the event from the school to the city gym because we need more space. It’s going to be a hassle moving everything. Being a student leader is tiring sometimes. You never know if you should be happy or annoyed with the responsibility. It’s fun at first, but it gets tiring after a while. It’s not like being a student leader guarantees good grades because the instructors know you. Some students at GCC judge people like me who have school affiliations. It’s frustrating to deal with that kind of misconception. I’m just a regular student who wants to graduate. "Aren’t you going to wear a dress?" he asked curiously. "No, it’s hard to move around in a dress. We’ll be sitting on the floor all night," I said while scooping some food. I grabbed my phone and checked f*******: for reels. It’s my only source of entertainment. "I hope someone dances with me tomorrow. I hope it’s my crush," he said, almost squealing. I threw a few noodles at him. "You’re crazy! You were whining about seeing Cloud just now, and now you're flirting?" I laughed. "Oh, I don’t want to be left out. I want a guy too!" He flipped his hair and crossed his arms. "You guys are so weird," I said, shaking my head. "You’re just jealous because you don’t have a boyfriend," he teased. "I don’t need a boyfriend. Guys are annoying," I said, pouting. "Oh, like you don’t have Clyd circling around you," he retorted. I sighed and grabbed a few fairy lights for tomorrow’s event. I put them in a paper bag, afraid I might forget them. Harold, the nosy one, couldn’t stay quiet. "What’s going on between you and Clyd, Reen?" he asked, prying. "Nothing new. I still don’t like him," I said, annoyed. "We saw you together yesterday. You were even in the back of his tricycle," he added, laughing like a snorting pig. I wish he’d choke on his laughter! I sighed heavily and said, "I don’t know why Clyd keeps picking me up. Do I look like I can’t afford bus fare?" I joked, laughing softly. "I think he really likes you, Reen," he teased. "Go ahead, answer him if he asks you out," he added. "It’s not that simple. He doesn’t even know how to flirt. Maybe I’ll be the man in our relationship," I said. "Maybe he’s just shy to tell you he wants to date you. You’re so grumpy, you’re like a walking bad mood," he said. Well, maybe he’s right. They don’t contribute anything to my life, so why shouldn’t I be grumpy? Guys, right? "Even if he asks me out, I won’t say yes. I can’t reciprocate his feelings, and I’m not ready for a relationship, especially now that we’re so busy with events.” It’s true. I’m not ready. I’m not ready to commit, especially after what I went through in my last relationship. My trauma hasn’t healed yet. I’ll just be a walking red flag, and I’ll end up hurting him. He’ll curse me and make a big deal out of it. Oh my god. "What if he's willing to wait for you? Would you still say no?" he asked curiously. "Only time will tell, Harold," I said with a smile. After our conversation about Clyd, I went upstairs to change. My clothes were sweaty. As I was looking for a change of clothes, my phone buzzed. I quickly grabbed it, hoping it was an important message. It was just Clyd. Clyd Elsones sent you a message. Clyd: Hi Reen, Are you free tonight? Free? Where is he taking me this time? I thought about my response carefully. I don’t want to say the wrong thing. Mareene Sinclair Royalle: Hi there, I still have a lot of papers to do. My president just tasked me to accomplish the annual report and the deadline is until tomorrow morning only. I am sorry. I felt a little guilty, but it was true. My club president had assigned me some paperwork, but the deadline was next week. I got carried away when I went out with him the other day. He said we were just going to get materials for the color fun run, but he ended up taking me to the mall and we had dinner. He said it was our first date. I’m not trying to be difficult, but I wish I had finished my semantics activity earlier. I was so short on time because we spent four hours at the mall. After replying to him, I changed and went back downstairs. I almost forgot Harold was still there. I was still on the third step when I heard him giggling. I knew he was up to something. This gay guy is so dramatic. "Accla, aren’t you going home yet? Remember, your parents are mad at you. I don’t want to get in trouble with your mom," I said as I descended the stairs. He turned and smiled at me. "You don’t want me in your big house? Fine, there are ghosts here," he said dramatically, clutching his chest as if he was in pain. He’s such a good actor. "Don’t try that on me. I’m not scared of ghosts. I’m more scared of you turning straight and r****g me here," I said, laughing. He was disgusted and threw a pillow from the couch at me. "s**t! Over my dead ass gorgeous body, Omyghad." Harold cursed. I walked towards him and touched his arm in a flirty way. "It wouldn’t be so bad if you turned straight for me. I mean, I’m sexy and beautiful. Guys are lining up for me at school. You wouldn’t be losing out," I said, giving him a suggestive look. He couldn’t take it anymore and pulled away, brushing himself off as if I was a cockroach. "Holy Mareen, please stop! You’re so disgusting. I’m only going to touch, kiss, and worship Cloud. Remember that." I couldn’t hold back my laughter. This guy is wild. But I enjoyed teasing him, so I continued. I went closer and wrapped my arms around him. "Harsh, but it feels good to worship, right?" I said, biting his ear. "What the holy cow, Mareen! You’re so crazy! I’m going home, you weirdo." He stood up and brushed his pants. He’s acting like they’re so dirty. He’s just tense. He’s overreacting. "Thank God, you’re finally leaving!" I said, guiding him to the door. "See you later, weirdo. Be careful, okay? Lock everything. Call me if anything happens," he said before leaving. I nodded and smiled at him. I’m so grateful to have this crazy friend. He makes me happy. "Yes, Harold, don’t worry about me. I can handle myself. I’m strong, even if I’m skinny. Don’t judge me!" I said, laughing. I said goodbye and went back inside. I did what he said and locked everything. I wasn’t expecting any visitors, and I wasn’t planning to go out. I was too lazy. I checked the clock and almost had a heart attack. I had to finish that report for my club president. I totally forgot. The deadline was next week, but I wanted to finish it early because I planned to visit my mom next week. I’m going to check on her and see if everything is going smoothly. I hope so. I pray. After remembering what I had to do, I opened my laptop. It’s so old and slow, it’s practically giving up. I started working on the annual report while listening to music. Music makes my life easier. It soothes my ears and my mind. It helps me avoid unhealthy habits when I’m stressed. Time flew by, and I finally finished the report. I checked my phone and saw it was already 11:37 pm. "I skipped dinner, huh?" What a healthy lifestyle, Reen. I remembered I had nothing left in my cabinet. No dinner for me tonight. I put everything away and decided to shower and go to bed. It was late, and I had classes tomorrow. After showering, I lay in bed and started thinking. Will tomorrow be the same? Will it be empty again?