Five o Clock Shadow (FILIPINO-ENGLISH)

HABANG naglalakad sa isang madilim na eskinita, dinig ang bigat ng bawat paghinga; niyakap ko ng mahigpit sa aking dibdib ang aking bag. Tanaw ko sa aking ulunan ang pag-aagawan ng dilim at liwanag sa kalangitan, na siyang hudyat ng isang panibagong araw na magsisimula. Ramdam ko ang nginig ng aking kalamnan, siguro ay dala ito ng pagsipa ng ininom kong matapang na kape, at ang kaisipang kinakailangan kong maging maaga sa unang araw ng aking trabaho. Siyang pagtapak ko sa b****a ng eskinita, nang makarinig ako ng isang nakakabinging ingay. When I looked towards what could be a commotion, and as if the whole world is slowing down, I saw a black car stopped at the middle of the street, along with a man who lays face first to the mix of gravel and asphalt on the ground, and his blood splashing everywhere. Some of it has even got on me, coating me with rich crimson fluid, stopping me dead from my tracks. Nakakatawang isipin, at alam kong kabaliwan ito. But when I saw the whole scene, my whole life has flashed before my eyes, kahit hindi ako ang taong nakabulagta sa daan. Una kong nakita ang masayang mukha ng aking ina, her smiles expressing genuine happiness noong sinabi kong napakasarap ng b-in-ake niyang cake. Kukuha pa iyan ng icing mula sa cake at tumatawang titikman iyon, halatang nasiyahan dahil sa kumento ko.  Then, as if a flash of a camera had appeared before my eyes, the scene shifted to my favorite memories with my sister, Alicia. Masaya kaming nagliliwaliw sa tabi ng daan habang nilalamutak ang cotton candy-ng aming pinagsasaluhan. We then stopped at our favorite spot at nag-uunahang bumilang ng mga bituwin sa langit.  Sa malakas na pagtawa ng aking kapatid ay naiba na naman ang eksena. Ngayon, ang katabi ko na ay ang dating kasintahan at matalik na kaibigan, si Ethan, pulling my hand for him to kiss it while congratulating me dahil sa pagpasa ko sa licensure exams. All of those moments where I could only hear them utter, or silently whisper my name… “Rachelle…” as more and more memories came flooding in my mind and then slowly fading to a void. Naghintay ako ng ilang sandali, closing my eyes to listen how the whole environment would react to the situation in front of them. May naririnig akong mga napapasinghap o di kaya ay impit na napapatili, mula iyon sa mga taong mapapadaan kagaya ko. As I opened my eyes, mayroong iilan na naglakas loob at unti unting nilapitan ang nakabulagtang katawan. Mayroon naming nag-utos sa isang babaeng tumawag ng ambulansya kaya dali dali itong naghalungkat sa kanyang cellphone at nagtawag ng tulong. Habang pinagmamasdan ang buong paligid ay napagtanto kong ni isa man lang ay walang napasigaw ng malakas. Karamihan sa kanila ay nanlalaki lang ang mga mata at napapatakip sa kanilang bibig, ngunit magpapatuloy naman ang mga ito sa paglakad ng matulin, as if not wanting to be involved in a horrendous moment. As if the whole environment has always anticipated these kinds of sceneries in all the days of their lives. I think that’s a good sign though, maaari ko itong idagdag sa koleksyon ko ng mga kamangha manghang bagay na aking natutunan sa bagong lugar kung saan ako napadpad. Terreva. Marami pang lihim na tinatago ang syudad na ito, and my whole life is here now to discover them. As all of these had happened, I am here, standing, motionless, just about about a meter away from the man soaked in blood. I can feel the wetness of the blood drying up at the hem of my shirt, at my arms, and at my legs. I cannot seem to find any courage to guide myself, move my legs and start walking out from the growing crowd. Instead, my eyes are just pierced on the crime scene. Tanging naririnig ko nalang ngayon ay ang tunog ng suot kong relo sa aking pupulsuhan, slowly etching through my ears with faint tics and tocs, slowly reminding me that I should get on my feet if I don’t want to be late for work. As soon as I started to push myself in doing so, I felt a hand gently gripping on to my shoulder. Muntikan na sana akong mapapasigaw sa gulat but there is something about the touch of those arms that I couldn’t move a muscle, or move them even more than a few seconds prior. Nilingon ko mula sa aking balikat ang nagmamay-ari ng kamay at nakita kong isa itong matandang babae na napakaaliwalas ng mukha. Mukhang hindi ata nito alam kung anuman ang nangyari kani-kanina lang. Nakangiti siya sa akin habang nagsasalita,  “Magandang umaga, ineng. Kanina ko pa napapansin na nakatulos ka lamang sa iyong kinanatatayuan- -” at saka lang napansin ang aking hitsura. Hindi ko man kita ang sarili ko ngayon ay alam kong nabahiran ako ng dugo mula sa lalaking nabunggo sa kalsada. At this point I couldn’t even muster a single word, but I thought that I could start walking now, so I did the latter. Ayaw ko mang magmukhang suplada pero wala pa akong makuhang enerhiya mula sa nakita ko. Mukhang nawala na ang bias ng ininom kong kape para sa araw na ito. Gayunpaman, I began to slowly walk along the pavement while trying to wipe the visible fleck of dried blood in my skin with my hands. A few meters away from the accident when I noticed that I am walking past a coffee shop, I immediately led myself in and looked for a restroom. Buti nalang at maaga pa, nakita ko kasi sa wall clock nila alas sais pa lang ng umaga, still a little bit of an ungodly hour for the people who don’t rush to work so that they could get to the bus stop and ride on the first trip to the city proper.  Just around the corner of the shop is the restroom, I wait for the door to open in order to know if someone is inside. When a few minutes passed and my brain thought that it was a positive sign for me to enter the restroom, I turned the knob and went inside, locking the knob in the end. I placed my clutch bag on the countertop and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Napangiwi ako sa hitsura ko. Ang kaninang sing puti ng perlas na blusang aking suot, ngayon ay nagkaroon na ng mga kakaibang disenyo mula sa natuyong dugo. Kinuha ko ang panyo mula sa bag ko, binasa ito ng kaunti at sinubukang tanggalin ang dumi sa aking suot. I only settled for the spots to look like faded prints on the shirt for it is all that I could do to salvage it, and then I run the faucet again to wet the handkerchief to wipe the blood from my skin.  I spent the whole ten minutes of wiping the remnants of the crime scene away and as soon I am at least a wee bit satisfied of the result of salvaging my outfit, I threw the handkerchief on a bin, fixed my hair and left the ladies’ room. I thanked the personnel I walked past as I leave the coffee shop and walked again in the streets for the day. I half-walked and half-ran the distance towards the bus stop at salamat sa Diyos, sapat lang ang oras na nagugol ko dahil nakita ko ang naghihintay na bus. Without any hesitation I got inside and sat at an empty seat next to the window. Doon ko lang napansin na halos kapusan na pala ako ng hininga dahil sa mga nangyari sa araw na ito. Hindi pa nga nangangalahati ang araw ay marami na akong maisusulat sa notebook ko mamaya na naglalaman ng mga nadi-discover ko tungkol sa Terreva. I wiped the sweat that has trickled its way to the top of my eyebrow and have myself drowned into the thoughts of what had happened in my third Monday in this city. I could not believe that this day has completely filled me up with disbelief and astonishment, even if this day hasn’t started yet. ~