Five o Clock Shadow (FILIPINO-ENGLISH)

5. Detour

WHY did he act like he didn’t see that Giselle for so long and when he saw me, it’s as if he found her? 

Iyon ang tanong na laging bumabagabag sa akin sa buong weekend. Hindi iyon nawala sa aking isipan mula nang dumating ang Big Boss sa aking munting bahay at ipinakita sa akin ang picture. Matapos kasi niyang inabot sa akin ang litrato, ihinilamos niya lang nang muli ang kamay sa kanyang kamay at nilisan ang aking apartment nang wala man lang isang salitang lumalabas mula sa kanyang bibig, dala dala ang isang ekspresyong hindi ko mawari kung ano.

Naiwan akong nakaupo parin sa sahig, kasama ang malamig na photo paper na kalong ng aking mga palad, hindi alam kung ano ang gagawin doon. Nanatili akong nakatulos sa aking kinauupuan, sa malamig na sahig, nakatanaw sa babaeng napakalaki ng pagkakahawig sa akin.

Ngunit ni minsan ay hindi ko nalaman na nagkaroon pala ako ng kakambal.

Nung sinubukan kong ma-contact si Ma sa probinsya, wala man lang ni isang tawag na nasagot. Sinubukan ko ring magtanong kay Alicia, ngunit nakapatay ang cellphone nito sa buong weekend at doon ko rin naalala na naghahanda pala ito sa practicum nila. Kaya’t wala akong nagawa kundi ang maghintay hanggang sa makuha ang mga sagot sa aking mga katanungan.

Now, it’s a Monday again. And when the sun’s reflection hit my eye from the roof of a black sedan parked outside the building, I could only wish, that even how big the company may be, our paths with the Big Boss won’t ever meet. Ngunit nang tinawag ako ni ma’am May at sinabi sa akin na ipinatatawag ako sa tenth floor, alam kong hindi ko kailanman matatakasan an gaming pagtatagpo, lalo na at narito ako’t nagtatrabaho sa kompanyang pagmamay-ari niya.

Nilingon ako ni Gracie mula sa kanyang kinauupuan at binigyan ako ng nag-aalalang titig. “May problema ba, Rache? Bakit ipinatawag ka ulit doon?” Wala akong magawa kung hindi ang magbigay ngiti sa kanya habang ako’y nagsisimula sa pagtayo mula sa aking upuan at magsimulang magtungo sa elevator. Being involved in this kind of situation, na hindi ko naman alam kung ano, is just a big mess already, and if I add people to it I know that it would only get uglier. So I walked out quietly out of our department to go up to the Big Boss’s office.

Nang makarating sa tenth floor, nakita kong wala ang receptionist sa pwesto nito, at alam ko namang walang ibang nagpatawag sa akin kundi ang Big Boss, hinayaan ko nalang ang mga nanginginig na kamay sa aking gilid at naglakad patungo sa malaking pintuan ng kanyang opisina. Nakasara ito kaya mahina akong kumatok ng ilang beses bago humakbang paatras, naghihintay ng utos nito na papasukin ako sa loob. “Come in.”

I tucked my head downwards as I opened the door and entered, then closed the door and went to take a seat in front of the desk in one swift move. I cupped my hands on my lap while waiting for anything from the Big Boss. After a few moments of not hearing anything from him, I looked towards the swivel chair and found it empty. Yet as I set my stare at the side I saw that the Big Boss was standing near the glass windows, admiring something from the view with his right hand playing with the ring on his left.

Mula sa aking posisyon ay napansin ko ang suot niyang button down shirt ay nakabukas ang dalawang butones mula sa pinakataas habang natatakpan ng itim na coat, at nakapares sa isang pares ng itim na slacks. His jaw is clenched hard, yet the expression he is making, at least from how much I could see, is a mixture of confusion and other things that I cannot determine, but anger isn’t one of them.

Ito ang kauna-unahang pagkakataong naeksamina ko ang hitsura ng lalaki nang hindi nakalapat ang mga mata nito sa akin. At masasabi kong kahit na casual lang na damit ang suot ng lalaki, he would still look sinfully handsome.

He has an attractiveness that I know everyone could see, but with the hard expression that he always wears, he could easily scare people off. And it stuns me to know that even with that angry demeanor he seem to always exhibit, I still have this courage to look him in the eye that Saturday morning when he was about to touch my belongings. But my collection is so precious to me, that’s why I need to protect it with all that I can.

 Nagulat ako nang bigla siyang bumaling sa aking pwesto kaya napaigtad ako’t dali daling ibinalik ang tingin sa aking mga kamay, nilalaro na lamang ang mga ito habang mahinang nagdarasal na sana ay hindi nito napansin ang nagawa kong pagtitig sa kanya. I felt him slowly got back to his swivel chair then took a seat. He was silent for a few moments, until I saw something white was slowly sliding into my line of sight.

It was a piece of paper, and the font was a bit small so I had to lean a bit closer to the desk and squint in order to read the writings in it. My eyes then widened when I recognized the first words scribed in the paper – it was pertaining to a man hit by a car on a Monday morning down the small streets of Terreva, a black car, victim in his mid-thirties, dead on arrival… the accident that I saw at that morning.

“I know that you recognize the accident that paper is talking about,” the Big Boss pointed at the paper before tucking his hand beneath his chin, with his elbow on the cold marbled wood. “You are one of the witnesses to this, am I right?” Since I could feel the bile slowly rising to my throat as I remembered the horrendous scene of that man being ran over by a car, I could only gather some of my energy to nod at his direction. 

One thing that added to my discomfort is the fact that this man who’s casually leaning his back on the soft confines of his seat, knew that I witnessed the accident that happened on my first day of work.

Magsasalita na sana ang Big Boss nang biglang may kung anong tunog na nagmumula sa kung saan. Saglit akong natigagal bago ko namalayang ang ingay na pumupuno sa silid ay nagmumula pala sa aking bulsa. Dali-dali kong inilabas ang aking cellphone at ch-in-eck ito. It was an unregistered number, yet I could easily distinguish the caller since I’ve memorized the comibinations a few years ago; it was Ethan’s.

At wala akong makitang ibang dahilan kung bakit ito tumatawag mula sa probinsya – liban sa posibilidad na mayroong emergency doon na nangangailangan ng aking atensyon. Nilingon ko ang Big Boss sa likod ng mesa at walang imik na iminuwestra ang sarili sa labas ng kuwarto bago sinagot ang tawag. “Hello, Ethan? Ano’ng nangyari?”

The other side of the line was a bit unclear, yet I could only register the most important words that Ethan said, which made my heart heavy with terror and worry. I didn’t even wait for the line to go dead – I hurriedly went back to our floor to get my things and went back to the apartment as fast as I could. 

I think of the schedules of departure from Terreva to the province, and quickly packed up some of my essential things to a backpack, locked the apartment with my trembling hands, before I rushed to the seaport that would take me home.

“Rachelle, ‘yung nanay mo. Isinugod siya ng kapitbahay niyo sa hospital kani-kanina lang.”

SIX hours.

When I travelled for the first time departing from the provincial life to take on a new journey at Terreva, I could recall how fast the travel was, even if it really wasn’t. It was three hours of travel in land – a ride on a bus from our province’s bus station, about one and a half hour of riding a ship for sea travel to take me to the seaport of Terreva, and a one-and-a-half hour of riding a bus again to take me from the Terreva’s harbor to the center of the city, where I could take a bus again to finally arrive at a corner of the street where my apartment building lies. But I could just describe that trip as fast because I kept sleeping along the way or I take a book out of my bag and read a few chapters before I could feel the urge to sleep.

Ngunit dahil sa bigat ng aking pakiramdam, sa takot na baka ay kung ano na ang nangyari kay Ma, sa buong anim na oras ng biyahe ay hindi man lang ako naidlip. Kaya naman ay nadama ko ang pag-unat ng bawat minutong lumilipas kasama ng pagbabago ng mga tanawin mula sa labas ng bintanang nasa aking tabi. That six hours worth of travel felt almost like a lifetime, and I couldn’t wait to take a step again at my home town and rush to the only hospital that our little province have.

Now, here I am sitting at a stool beside the bed where Ma lies in her slumber because of the medications, while I grip at her hand hard as if holding on it for dear life. When I arrived at the hospital a few hours ago I was told that Ma is already admitted at the ward so I ran as fast as I could to see her. Then I saw Ma being watched by one of our neighbors who Ethan said was the one who brought my mother at the hospital.

He told me that he didn’t know what had happened yet when he passed by our house, he saw that the door was slightly ajar. He approached it to check if anyone was home, and he didn’t even got the chance to enter the house for he saw that Ma was lying unconsciously on the floor. There he called our nearest neighbors for help and they escorted Ma. I thanked him for keeping watch of Ma while I wasn’t around, couldn’t even hold my tears as I look at my mother lying on the hospital bed.

Makalipas ang ilang minuto, isang babaeng nasa kanyang mid-forties na nakasuot ng lab coat ay nagtungo sa aming pwesto – ang doctor na siyang nakita kong nag-check kay Ma kanina. Tumigil ito sa gilid ng kama ni Ma, ch-in-eck ang IV nito at ang mga monitor bago ako nilingon. “Ikaw iyong pangalawang anak ni Nanay Amelia, diba?” I nod at her direction as I fixate my eyes on Ma again. 

I heard the doctor heaved a heavy sigh before she continued. “Dahil sa sobrang stress at fatigue kung kaya ay nahimatay ang mama mo. Pero matagal nang mahina ang puso niya, dala na rin ng sobra-sobrang pagtatrabaho at sa katandaan. Ayaw ni Nanay Amelia na sabihin ito sa inyo pero may karapatan pa rin kayong malaman ito.”

Nagsimulang tumulo ang aking mga luha nang marinig ko ang mga itinuran ng doctor. Sa edad na sisenta años, palagi naming matuturing si Ma bilang taong gusting gusto ang magtrabaho, na suot suot lagi ang ngiti sa kanyang mukha, with her always telling Alicia and I that she loved to work and would even feel sick if she only stays at home. Pipilitin nga kami nito na kayang kaya ni Ma na magtrabaho sa bukirin kahit na mainit o kaya ay napakabigat ng mga gawain doon. Kung kaya ay napapayag na niya kami ni Alicia na umalis ng probinsya upang makapagtrabaho at makamit ang mga pangarap namin.

And hearing those words from the doctor, I could only assume that Ma hid her illness from us and it made me cry more for I know that she kept it because she didn’t want us to worry while we were miles away from her. I held her hand tighter as I leaned towards her bed and ducked my head, recalling the last words of the doctor before she silently excused herself away.

“Alam ko na sa malayo na kayo ni Alicia, pero kailangan na niya ng mag-undergo ng medication. Ngunit walang sapat na supplies dito sa ospital natin para maalagaan si Nanay Amelia ng husto, kinakailangan niyang madala sa Terreva para doon siya magamot.” 

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