I Have Questions

Gail “C’mon Ate Gail, I need your help! You’re so perfect for this project!” That’s my cousin, Dane, pleading with the cutest sad puppy look on her eyes; wrapping her arms around my leg, almost dragging her as I waddle around the kitchen. Man, I love this kid to death but sometimes her inability to accept a firm, hard “NO” gets to my nerves. It’s as if she’s not talking to a cousin 10 years older than her! “Dane. Daniella. Dani baby. Here’s my answer: NO. HINDI. ANIYO. In what language do you need to hear the word “No” for you to understand that?!” She stood up, crinkled her nose, shrugged her shoulders then flashed a mischievous grin. “Try Swedish, I guess?” OH MY GOD. Call the cops. I’m killing this child. “DAAAAANE!” I screamed as I chased her with a rolling pin in my hand. “RUN! I swear, I’ll turn you into bread!” The running lasted for a minute when my phone rang. I had to breathe in for a while before I could answer. My 28-year-old body can’t keep up with this 18-year-old brat. “Hello?” “Guess what?” I can hear the excitement in Andy’s voice. “What?” Andy paused for a while, then proceeded to say “Hey, I’m breaking a big news here. Can’t you be happy for your friend since High School?” Okay. Now I can sense the disappointment. “Sorry, I’m in the middle of making a crime right now. What’s up?” I know Andy very well, he’s too absorbed with this happy news he’s about to tell me. “I’m getting married!” Excitement filled me and I screamed hard. “Congrats! It’s about damn time! I’m so happy for you!” “Haha! Thanks! So…you know he’s coming, right? Are you gonna say yes to that interview-s***h-blind date? Who knows, maybe you’ll get to bring your date to the wedding.” The excitement within me quickly turned into this crippling fear. I tried to sound calm. “Of course. I know he’s coming. It’s fine ‘coz we’re friends anyway. Hey, I have to go. Congrats again! I’m so happy for you and Caroline!” As I dropped the call, I stared blankly at the door. Yeah. Of course, he’s coming. --- “Does it have to be a blind date? You know I don’t have any interest in dating anymore. Can’t it be a normal interview instead?” I asked as one of Dane’s friends fixed my makeup. “That’s exactly the point, we’re interviewing people who already gave up on the idea of falling in love, then we let them meet. Maybe this is the chance you need so you can open your heart again.” Dane answered. “Plus, you want me to pass this film subject, right? Because you love me?” Ah, there goes that mischievous grin again. I rolled my eyes, the smiled back. I just love this girl so much. As the glam team was making final touches, I smelled something familiar for a second. Something that triggered some kind of sadness in me, yet it made me smile at the same time. His perfume. They had me sit down on a 2-seater sofa. Weirdly enough, it felt too big for me at that time. Then the interview started. “Okay. Hi, Miss Gail! I’m Simon, the director. I’ll be asking you questions for the first part of the video. Please don’t be pressured, you may answer casually. Just please look at the camera when you talk. Okay, so please say your name and what do you do for a living?” “Hi! I’m Gail Lopez, I manage my online bakeshop called True Love’s Cookies” My hands are shaking. I hope it’s not caught on camera. “That’s nice! May we know how long have you been single?” “Tough question, I lost count already!” I laughed nervously. “Just kidding. It’s been 5 years, yeah. 5 years.” Simon the director fixed the camera a little to the left, then asked, “Have you dated someone in 5 years? Like, casual dates?” “I, well..yes. But it didn’t work. I kinda…just feel that true love ain’t true.” I could see the corners of Simon’s mouth curve upward a little. He’s trying hard not to laugh. “But your store’s name has something to do with true love? Ironic!” I can’t help but burst into laughter. “You know what, if I had a thousand pesos for every time somebody made that comment to me, I’d be filthy rich by now, kid!” Giggles filled that room. “What made you stop believing in true love, in dating and relationships?” “It was when I realized that, I was never considered as a home. I was a vacation house.” There was a look of confusion in the director’s eyes. “Vacation house? Is it okay if you explain what that means?” “Okay, so here’s my villain story. Haha! I started being in a relationship quite early in life. It lasted long but yeah, I wouldn’t be here if it was strong. When you’re in a long-term relationship, you’re hoping that you’d be each other’s end game. You cannot see yourself loving anyone else but that person. You see yourself marrying that person, building a family, bearing and raising your kids. And you’re comfortable with each other, I mean you’ve been together for years. Like, when you’re at home, right? Your house may not be glamorous or whatever but you always find yourself finding peace in that house. Your own home is somewhere you wanted to stay, even when you’re old. But for me, that’s not the case. People would say I’m such a good girlfriend material, wife material, even. They’ll say I’m sweet, caring, and kind, but when I ask for the bare minimum, I scare them away. They run. They flee. They leave. Then I realized, unlike a house where people are willing to pay a big amount for them to call it their own, unlike a house where people are willing to stay, people just…come and go in my life. They know they’re not gonna stay. No one is gonna stay in my life. No matter how they tell me how good I am to them, like a hotel with great amenities, or a fully furnished vacation house, nobody is willing to stay. Nobody is willing to pay for them to call it their home. Everyone…comes just to leave me someday.” My voice cracked and I could feel that burning sensation in my throat. I forced a smile. There is no way in hell I’m gonna cry here. There was silence. I had to bring back the light atmosphere here. “To the patrons of Gail’s Vacation House, please leave 5 stars rating, okay? I hope you enjoyed your stay. I’ve been under renovation for quite a long time haha.” After the interview, Dane rushed to hug me, but I gave her a head pat. “No dramas please, I’ll be sleeping in the corner if you need me.” I put my earphones on, with the music on maximum, and tried to sleep. I could hear a little bit of the background noise and the other interviews, but I paid no attention. But the scent of that perfume that smelled like the ocean woke me up. With my eyes still shut, I fumbled with my phone’s side button and set the volume down. Then I heard something I never thought I’d hear again. “The greatest regret I have in life…is that I regret leaving her.”