The Secrets of Agata

I'm feeling awfully heavy today as I sit in this uncomfortable chair, I just feel out of body, if that makes sense. I graduated high school five days ago. I've always been homeschooled and only been able to hang out with the kids in the neighborhood. It hasn't all been bad though, when I was five I met my two best friends, Ivy and Sam. We played everyday when we were younger and eventually began hanging out and talking boys. Now we are talking about where we will go in life. I still have another month before I turn eighteen. My birthday is September 20th. Sam turned eighteen three days ago on August 13th and Ivy will be eighteen the day after me. its safe to say we are all really close. Most of our birthdays were spent together too, our families figured it would be eaiser just to do them together than try to do them all separately Since I finished school six months before them, my days are boring until they get home. I mostly read, clean, help cook, or some days I a nap in. My parents decided a long time ago that they never wanted to send me to school, something about they were concerned for my safety. I'm not sure what they are so worried about, nothing bad ever happens out here in Alnama. Alnama is a beautiful little neighborhood right outside the main kingdom, Agata. Agata is a beautiful kingdom said to be named after a woman that was a good, kind, gentle hearted soul that loved nature. The first ruler, King Ezel, won the lands in the black war many, many years ago. His love, Agata, died shortly before his return from war during childbirth, making their daughter Princess Agenilda. The king never remarried and ruled over the kingdom as his beloved Agata would have seen fit. He loved his daughter and raised her to be cheerful, kind, generous, and most importantly courageous, as she would one day rule Agata, or so the stories say. Sam and Ivy go to school in the mainland, they try to pass on information to me as needed but one day I'll be able to live there and learn everything there is to know. "Tora, come on, breakfast is ready" mother bellowed from the kitchen. If my stomach wasn't already growling I would sit here and keep writing in my journal. It's the only peace I have and the only place I can keep my secrets. I don't like talking to Sam and Ivy about somethings, not everyone has a voice in their head that talks back to them. I call her Azela, she and I spend alot of my free time conversating back and forth in my head. I know, sounds crazy, but I like to think of her as my conscious. She is beautiful and I sorta envy her looks. She has beautiful dark hair and the prettiest green eyes I've ever seen. I on the other hand, have light brown hair and hazel eyes. I've only brought up Azela to mother, and that was when I was about seven. Mother said not to talk to her and never to speak of her to anyone else or out loud again. As I walk into the kitchen the most amazing smell hits me right in the face, "Mmm, pancakes." I said awkwardly outlook, and my mother just looked at me. I love mother's pancakes, they are almost better than my favorite, father's fried chops and gravy. "I don't understand why you can't come and help me in the kitchen more. You use to love cooking with me. I understand that you love that journal but sometimes you should get your head out of it." mother said matter of factly. You see, when I was younger mother made sure I knew how to cook, sew, read, write, and my least favorite thing, clean. My father and I would tend to what little livestock we had, as well as the garden. We had one cow, four chickens, a rooster and a pig. We never ate that pig, I believe it was because my mother loved it so much, thinking about her and that pig makes me laugh, he just couldn't understand why we couldn't eat it. Now, my father has a job working in the mainland even though I'm not really sure what he does. "Mother, I was thinking, since I've graduated now, I would like to travel into Agata and see about a job" I couldn't keep my voice from shaking as I told her, I don't think she's ready for me to leave the coop yet. As she slowly turned towards me her crystal blue eyes were the size of an owls. "I don't think that's a good idea." She said dryly. "You can just stay here with us. There's really no reason for you to leave." They never want me to leave and this is why I write my secrets in my journal. I cant even express my goals and dreams with my parents without getting the "talk" because they don't want me to leave the safety of their home. I just don't understand. It's not like I'm going hours and hours away. The mainland is literally a fourty-five minute drive. Despite not being able to drive by myself I could always catch a ride with Sam or Ivy, they go all the time. Mother and I spend the next couple of hours cleaning around the house after breakfast. taking our time going through each room, not saying a word. I went outside to the deck and read some of my book, its a fantasy about werewolves, sometimes I wish my life was like a book. Whisking me away from the "safety" of my home. I just huff every time I hear the word safety at this point. nothing bad ever happens here. I've had enough sun for the day, I believe I'll take a nap and escape to my dream world. I usually dream of Azela and spend my time in my alternate universe, wishing for the day I can leave Alnama and venture out from under my parents thumb. Mother and father decided when I was born that they would never have anymore children, they said once they looked at me, I was all they would ever need. Even though I look nothing like them, my mother and father are like the true meaning of beauty. They both have big blue eyes that shimmer in the sun, and their hair is the perfect shade of sandy blonde that made you wish you were at the beach. I guess being the only child, they won't ever really be ready for me to leave. "Honey, I have to run and get something for dinner tonight, why don't you take a nap and you can help me cook when I get home" she says as I'm already down the hall to my room. "Sounds good mother, I'll see you in a bit." I walk into my room taking it all in, decorated in gray and blacks with a hint of pastels hidden through out. My comfy bed just begging me to climb in. I adjust my two head pillows and my one long pillow I curl up around, I can barely keep my eyes lids from feathering into a deep sleep.