Dreams into Reality

Chapter 9

Decisions

"What happened, Scarlett?" Ayan ang unang bungad na tanong sa akin ni Rico when he knew about the scene I and Daniel made earlier.

"Easy, Rico. She's your cousin," awat sa kanya ni Jedrik dahil kitang-kita ko ang galit sa mga mata ng pinsan ko.

"I just can't understand you, Scarlett," inis na sabi sa akin ng pinsan ko. "I want to keep the full trust you gave me but right now I don't feel like fulfilling the promise I made."

"Rico..." punong-puno na ng pagbabanta at takot ang aking boses.

Alam kong wala si Daniel dito but the other boys shouldn't know about what I felt for Daniel. They would tell him if they found out. I was sure they will dahil ito ngang pinsan ko'y nagpipigil na lang.

"What promise, Rics?" Kley asked curiously.

Napapikit naman ng mariin si Rico at hinilot ang kanyang sentido bago muling dumiretso ang kanyang tingin sa akin.

"We will talk later. After class. Ihahatid kita sa condo mo." he said with finality, I can't reject him. "Let's go, Jed," tawag niya kay Jedrik.

Tumango naman si Jedrik ngumiti sa akin saka kay Nica at tinapik si Kley at Raymond bago sumunod sa aking pinsan.

"Oh? Bakit nandito pa kayong dalawa?" mataray na tanong ni Nica kina Kley at Raymond. "You should be finding your friend right now. I bet he needs you two. You know.... someone to comfort him."

"This is the best way to make him feel better, Nica," sabi ni Raymond.

Kumunot ang noo ni Nica. "At ano naman 'yon?" she asked. "Wala naman kayong ginagawa ah?"

"We're guarding Scarlett, sweetheart. That's what we're doing," nakangiting sabi ni Kley kay Nica.

"So two are here because you're guarding Scarlett to make Daniel feel better?" paniniguradong tanong ni Nica.

Kley and Raymond both nodded.

"Daniel always want Scarlett to be protected kaya binabantayan namin siya," paliwanag ni Raymond.

"I actually don't mind guarding Scarlett dahil kasama ka naman niya kaya parang binabantayan na din kita," biglang sabi ni Kley kay Nica.

"There's no need to do that, Kley," tamad na sabi ni Nica sa kanya at ngumisi na lang si Kley na para bang sanay na siya sa ganoong asal sa kanya ni Nica.

Naunang umalis si Nica dahil may klase na siya samantalang kami nila Raymond ay may natitira pang isang oras para sa susunod naming klase.

Pagkadating namin sa room ay nakita kong wala pa rin si Daniel. I wondered where he went. Wala ba siyang papasukan na kahit isang klase ngayon?

"Kley, hindi ba siya nagtext sa inyo?" I asked him dahil nag-aalala na rin ako para kay Daniel.

"Not yet," sagot ni Kley bago ngumiti sa akin. "Don't worry. Walang gagawin 'yon sa sarili niya. He's probably unwinding somewhere peaceful. Kapag nagtext siya, I'll tell you immediately."

Tumango na lang ako at pilit na hindi inalala si Daniel sa mga natitirang klase ko ngayong araw.

Nang mag-uwian ay walang inaksayang oras ang pinsan ko't agad na niya akong inaya pauwi sa aking unit. None of us wanted to start a conversation when we're inside the car.

"Bakit ganon, Scarlett?" Rico started to interrogate me nang makapasok na kami sa aking unit. "I thought you already have feelings for Daniel."

"I do, Rico…” I defended my feelings. “Totoo ang sinabi kong may nararamdaman na ako para kay Daniel."

"Then, what the f*****g hell happened earlier?" galit niyang tanong.

Kitang-kita ko ang mga ugat na lumalabas sa kanyang leeg.

"You hurt the man that you like," he told me.

The man that I like? Gusto kong mapailing. It's more than that, Rico. My feelings are stronger than that. Like isn't the word to describe it. Masiyadong mababaw ang salitang 'yon.

"Nagseselos ako, Rico!" I almost shouted at my cousin's face. "I'm jealous, okay? Nagseselos ako kaya ako naging cold sa kanya."

Napakunot ang noo ni Rico at mukhang hindi makapaniwala. "You're jealous?"

Dahan-dahan naman akong tumango. "I don't know…” sabi ko. “Jealousy clouded my mind. I wanted to act cold dahil ayaw kong ipakitang nagseselos ako. I don't want him to know what I feel about him. That's why I did that."

"You're selfish, Scarlett," my cousin stated, and I looked up to him with my lips parted. "Paano mo nagawa 'yon? Hurting Daniel just to cover yourself up..."

"I told you, Rico, I'm jealous!" giit ko. “I was jealous!”

"Kanino ka nagseselos? Tell me!" he ordered me.

"Kay Cara..." napabuntong hininga ako.

"Cara Ortega?" he asked, and I nodded. "Scarlett, ano ba ang dapat mong pagselosan sa kanya? She's just someone Daniel met for a performance."

"Yes, she's just someone Daniel met but they're already close," I said and I couldn't hide the bitterness in my voice.

"They're only close as friends, Scarlett," paglilinaw ni Rico. "There's nothing more than that. Ikaw ang mahal ng kaibigan ko. Ikaw ang mahal ni Daniel. Kulang pa ba yung ipagsigawan niya sa buong school, sa social media accounts niya at sa'yo na mahal ka niya? Ano pa ba ang kulang, Scarlett? My friend's doing everything he can just to get you.... Well, he already do. Congrats to him but I also feel sorry because he doesn't know even a single thing kung ano ang nararamdaman mo sa kanya and that's what sucks!"

I bit my lower lip, reflecting on my wrong actions and decisions.

"Hurting Daniel isn't the answer to the jealousy you're feeling. Kaysa manatili siya sa'yo ay baka mas mawala pa siya nang dahil sa ginagawa mo." Rico said. "And if you're going to tell me na ayaw mong malaman ni Daniel ang nararamdaman mo para sa kanya dahil natatakot ka… Huwag ka na lang magmahal, Scarlett. Huwag na lang."

My cousin turned his back on me at nagmamadaling lumabas ng aking unit. Napaupo naman ako sa sofa't napahinga ng malalim.

I wasn’t going to deny it. I knew that I was the one who was wrong. I was never good at making decisions. To be honest, I always felt like a failure. Bata palang ako ay wala na akong nagawang tama.

It all happened when I was six years old. Mom was on vacation with her friends. They went to Tagaytay that time to have fun; to catch up on what they missed about each other. Naiwan ako noon kay daddy.

The first day that mom was gone, everything went smoothly. Dad even took me shopping. I shopped for dresses, toys and even foods that I wanted to eat. But then the next day, our doorbell rang. Ako ang nagbukas ng pintuan no’n. A middle-aged woman stood in front of me.

"Oh! Ikaw ba si Scarlett Jewel?" malambing niyang tanong sa akin at marahan niya pang hinawakan ang aking pisngi.

Tumango ako at ngumiti rin sa kanya. "Opo,” magalang kong sagot.

"Is your daddy here?” she asked. “I need to see him."

Muli naman akong tumango. Hinawakan ko ang kanyang kamay upang maigaya siya papasok ng bahay. I led her to my father's home office.

"Daddy..." malambing kong tinawag si daddy nang buksan ko ang pintuan ng kanyang office.

"Scarlett, I told you to just play. I'm working right now—"

Napatigil siya sa pagsasalita nang mag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin, sa amin.

"Trina..." Dad was almost lost for words. He was genuinely shocked. "What are you doing here?"

"You're not answering my calls. You're not replying to my texts," the woman told him. "I told you that I need to tell you something."

Binalingan ako ng tingin ni daddy.

"Scarlett, sweetheart." Lumapit sa akin si daddy at lumuhod sa aking harapan. Inayos niya ang aking buhok. "Can you please leave us first? We have something to talk about in private."

I was a very obedient kid kaya sinunod ko ang sinabi ni daddy but I was smart enough to know that there's something suspicious. Something's not right. Lumabas ako ng office pero hindi ako umalis sa labas nito. Bahagya kong hinayaan na nakaawang ang pinto upang marinig ko ang kanilang pinag-uusapan.

"I can see that your daughter's a beautiful and kind girl." rinig kong sabi nito. "You think our child will be the same like her?"

Napaawang ang aking bibig nang marinig ko iyon. Tinakpan ko ang aking bibig upang hindi marinig ang aking pagsinghap.

"Trina, I told you.... We're going to keep our child. I'm going to keep our relationship but I'm not going to lose my family." sabi ni daddy.

Nagsimula na ang pagluluha ng aking mga mata hanggang sa hindi ko na ito napigilan sa pagtulo. Pigil na pigil ako sa paghikbi kahit na gusto ko nang humagulgol.

"Then why aren't you answering my calls? Pakiramdam ko'y pinagtataguan mo ako at ang magiging anak mo." she said.

"I'm very busy right now, as you can see. May problema ako sa kompaniya, I need to focus at naiwan sa akin si Scarlett." sabi ni daddy. "I can't always go out with you. Naghinala na si Beatrice last time dahil lagi akong late nakakauwi. She's also checking my phone nowadays kaya please lang.... limit your texts and calls. I'm the one who's going to contact you if I can. Do you understand?"

"Yes, hon... I do," sabi ng babae. "I'm sorry for being so demanding. You know how much I love you."

"I know..." Daddy sighed. "And you know that I love you, too."

Napapikit ako ng mariin habang patuloy lang ang pagbagsak ng aking luha.

My dad was cheating… He was going to be the father of his child with his mistress. I was going to have a sibling but with a different mother.

Nagulat ako nang biglang bumukas ng tuluyan ang pintuan at bumungad sa akin ang mukha ni daddy. Nanlaki ang kanyang mga mata nang makita akong luhaan.

"S-Scarlett..." he stuttered while saying my name.

"I hate you, daddy! I hate you!" sigaw ko sa kanya at mabilis na tumakbo patungo sa aking kuwarto.

Panay ang katok ni daddy sa pintuan ng kwarto ko't panay din ang tawag niya sa pangalan ko.

How can he say I love you to another woman when he's married to my mom?

Napatili ako ng makita kong nabuksan ni daddy ang pintuan. Hinulog niya ang susi sa lapag bago niya ako dinaluhan.

"Scarlett... Scarlett, sweetheart... Listen to me. Listen to daddy," malambing niyang pagsuyo sa akin. "Don't tell mommy about what you heard and saw, okay? Please, Scarlett, I'm begging you."

Seeing daddy cry makes my heart ache pero mas lalo lang sumasakit ang puso ko kapag naiisip kong mas malala pa ang iiyak ni mommy nang dahil sa ginagawa ni daddy.

"I don't want to leave you and your mom... Gusto mo bang umalis si daddy, huh? I know you don't, sweetheart, so please don't tell your mommy anything," patuloy siya sa pagsuyo sa akin. "I love you, sweetheart. Daddy loves you so much and I don't want to leave you... Let's keep this as a secret please."

That was my dad's plea. Of course I don't want him to leave. I want to have a complete happy family like my friends have. But still I told my mom everything. They fought. I don't know how many times I saw my mom slapped my dad while she's crying and cursing my dad to hell. They're both crying.

Mom left dad and she brought me with her. Dad even cried and begged me to stay but I knew that my mom needed me more than he did. May ibang pamilya na si daddy. Magkakaroon na siya ng bagong pamilya pero si mommy... Ako na lang ang mayroon siya. Patay na ang lola at lolo ko sa mother side. I love both my parents but I knew I had to choose.

There were times that I regretted my decision lalo na kapag naiinggit ako sa mga kakilala kong kumpleto ang pamilya. Sometimes I wonder what would happen to our family if I didn't tell my mom about dad, his mistress and his child.

Will we be a happy family?

Even if dad was the one who cheated, I knew that it was my decision to wreck my family the moment I told mom about it. That's why I knew that I wasn’t good at making decisions. At ngayon, nagkamali nanaman ako.