Windflower
712 Words
Looking at the stars
Everything shines, when I look into your eyes — It is beautiful
Hope, luck and life are only good with you
I want no one but you my light
But I fear to lose you
I'm not good at this game of love
I can’t blame you for staying away—I did scare you. Given a chance I wish things played out differently—maybe I shouldn’t have met you then.
A beautiful clear sky was April 1st, 7:27—in some part of the world which was definitely not my situation. I would have said it was peacefully raining, slow soft raindrops—delicately, gently touching the leaves or petals.
It was a lot worse than words could describe but maybe now I can. Violent winds blew and so did the rains heavily pour down—I was stuck, stranded in my place I found sanctuary.
Surrounded by books and books with the smallest amount of people in sight. No one to try analyze me because I was the one analyzing these characters, facts or random thoughts—mine of most.
What could a person do if it all felt lost for the longest and the storm outside held back for the longest. The walls couldn’t hold it out forever—windows could not shut it out.
It broke them all and it was out.
Then you walked in right then, at that perfect time like dramas with over used entry scenes.
But you see, I don’t mean it in literally scene. As much as I enjoy these creative imaginative world greatly plotted by writers, it could never be me in a library in the midst of a storm.
Even if the storm wasn’t real.
They was a storm within me. Crumbing at every corner—alone but this particular day it broke away, resurfacing the pain to an extent it felt suffocating.
You walked in at the worse yet right time. My fondness grew more and more because from finding you at my weakness—I grew a bit stronger, days became bearable and possibly life.
I quit trying to be the me before things went down.
I wanted something different and I found it in you, maybe it wasn’t the best idea but it saved me—greatly.
I went from smiling barely to gravely smiling to myself. I should have seen that as the first red sign but the lights were too bright and promising—I liked the fire, the colour and the thrill of it all.
From not caring what you did on daily basis to building a schedule around you—knowing everything about you, interacting with everything you did.
I wasn’t getting paid but I was happy—the happiest I had ever hoped to be.
I had—I do struggle with mental health, maybe not struggle in such a description that I am fighting because I was ran over a while back by that dump truck depression along side anxiety.
Upbringing did not offer a hand in helping—it worsened it and as older as I got, I got worse.
You made it better—but I should have gotten real help before we burnt you out, dragged you down with us to the crazy town we all all a part of but some more than others.
It is important to hold some qualities in college to succeed or life—talent, ambition or courage—I held all those but it wasn’t for college or life as I had learnt not—never—to take life serious.
I held all those for you without realisation I fell in love. I knew I loved but I never would have imagined being in love with a woman as pretty as you—a lie, I know because any one could love or fall for you just maybe I felt beyond a ‘friendly’ fondness.
Possessive
The muse you played filled more than me but they knew reality from delusion, I knew not and I hurt us—you, me and these feelings.
I wished I loved you differently and distantly from the start as I should have—because the rain pours more now than ever.
- Writer
