Project Delusion | COMPLETE

Intensity—Intensify—Increase, these feelings for you. Everything you could hope for, anyone you could like—like you back, the way you needed—the right way. Not the social constructed bare minimum, right way—estimated right from wrong—just your way. Them you could never have but wait, you do just how you wanted—longed for. Romatic—s****l—consensual—whatever it was or could be—perfect, a dream. A dream, all a big part of the delusion we’ve built in our minds—because who wants to experience this shitty life. Just delusion From a distance I admired every single piece, perfect or broken, scattered along the lines of to be okay and to hope to be—shining yet loosing that gleam at times, not all drained to an extent of the dark taking over—just enough to feel drained—lost. Yet that glimmering smile didn’t wither, not long enough for us to notice—what was happiness if you lost it yourself, what was the light you held that we all had to obtain it. The lively beam of hope, luck and life itself not half of either but the full extent. From where I sat it was enough to feel content. To find hope, happiness even though you had never directly talked to me—you did mention a few ‘have a good day’ or ‘I hope you are doing fine’ to those who adored you, I was—I am one of them. They weren’t only for my foolish soul but at times I let it slip and imagine it was just you and me. Because it could have never been us, you and me. With a different in much more than age itself—you were an influential character—will always be—I on the other hand, felt like a side character given one line in each chapter. That one line you would never hear or will hear—not from my lips of course but still. It felt good to shout it from the roof tops—loosing my breath with each word I dared altered, that sensation euphoria of my heart hammering, my facial muscles aching—relief of a possibility. Dreaming you from time to time hoping maybe it was me that made you smile as you did when the screen of your phone flashed. While in true sense I never had your number—all I held was your private ** account. I had no guts to follow you. It was obvious you would check the profile of those who followed you, and I couldn’t compare in looks, posts or anything. I lacked a lot but I lacked courage the most. Locked deep within was a love I wished to give you, I wish to give you one day even as that label you call a ‘friend’ but I guess it’s better than a ‘stalker’ My love, I was simply admiring you from a distance—or maybe, just maybe I got too close and burnt you—scared you, for that I am sorry. We are sorry—I never knew our delusions could damage such purity of love to a dangerous game of obsession, not the pretty kind—it could never. I tried, my best to stay in my lane for the longest but I guess the most I tried the worse it got—I began projecting my delusion. I should given you a Rose instead of a Snowdrop.