The Unforgiven Chain

The Silence Before The Storm.

Blinking confused, straighten up slowly. My neck was killing me, “Did I fell asleep on the table?“ speaking out loud the question reverberating against my skull, and barely recognizing my own voice . Reality starts to come back to me. The dizziness and nausea crashing against my core. With the back of my hand I managed to clean the drool on the corner of my mouth.

“I am really losing my mind…” the fear was still impregnating my sweaty body.” I-I shouldn’t have came back here.” throwing my head back while push my fingers into my eyes desperately trying to easy the headache.

Two days. It has been only two f*****g days, and I am already loosing it. The clock told me that it was past midnight, and the darkness was sovereign around my trembling body.

Resignation washed my heart. ‘I’ll never heal.’ My inner voice spoke, the taste of tears and the melancholic sound of muffled agony felt to dam familiar. I felt defeated, broken and alone. Holding my knees to my chest I relived the dream;

“Tik-tak Sparkle”

I was frozen. I could see his silhouette from the window reflex.”You are not real…”.

His familiar and calming laugh echoed “ I am whatever you want me to be, an illusion, an imaginary friend or a nightmare…..” his voice was menacing “ But I assure you, I AM very real.” the last part came out almost as growl.

“You told me when I was little that you’d never scare nor hurt me.” my pleading voice resonate.”I am scared now!”

His Laugh echoed, it was so strong, so loud, that the windows vibrated.

“You are no longer an innocent child little Sparkle.” his claws were gently caressing me, going from head to neck at a tender and calm pace .” Today, when I look at you I see nothing less than a strong, fully grown breathtaking Woman“ he closed one hand in the back of my head, in a surprising possessive way.

“What do you want from me Shadow?”I tried to sound intimidating, but failed.

“What do I want?” anger was flowing with his words, and his grip was growing more and more painful “After all tease years alone in this forsaken place? After You’d left me behind and labeled me as a f**k meaningless imaginary friend?” his sarcastic laugh didn’t hide the hurt in his voice.”What could I possibly want Sparkle? Huh? I want you to remember about our promise.”He screamed the last sentence shaking the entire house and me.

“I was just a child! I told you I can’t remember our time together Shadow”

I was terrified, confused and ashamed. We were friends! I loved this creature, he protected me, we trusted one another, and I abandoned him. “Please…Shadow please.”

He let go of my neck, I could hear him walking around the kitchen. His raged breath telling me that he was trying to regain control of himself…

“ I-I may not remember exactly about us..” he ceased his passing “B-but I do remember that we used to have a lot of fun by the river’s shore, and I remember counting the minutes to see you again every night.. I am so sorry for leaving you behind” my voice was trembling just like me ”Please Shadow. I am so, so sorry.”

“The time is running Sparkle” after long minutes he spoke, sounding distant.”You better start to remember.”

It was past 3am when I finally dried my hair after a long shower. Imaginary or not, Shadow was an important figure in my life. The idea of hurting him was unbearable … Guilty was reflected in my eyes trough the fogged mirror. ‘I’ll make it right. I’ll remember.’

Laying down on my improvised bed, also known as The Couch, new found confidence spilling trough my smile knowing exactly what I had to do.

The sun was high in the sky when I woke up. Holding a fresh cup of coffee as a fuel to give me straight to walk the way to the backyard. Sitting on the old steps focused eyes drinking the amazing view in front of me. The back garden lack of attention over the years made evident on its dull appearance, and yet, all kinds of birds and butterflies had chosen the wild flowers and herbs as their homes.

The Dark River did justice on its name. The calm surface as black as a new moon night gave the perfect conceal to the aggressive unpredictable current running beneath it. One could only guess how many lives it has claimed as its own. The midday sunbeams waltzed with small’s waves creating a mesmerizing silver-to-black-to-silver effect. I can’t imagine someone ever getting tired or bored with its peacefulness and beauty.

We learn at young age that the great river was originally called Huriti; means beauty in some native language, mind you, in the beginning of registers it was said that its waters were completely clear and see through, but at some point in history, for some reason it became black. Old people blame it on the Alas Karask, saying that his evil essence stained the river, science on the other hand, say that it because of atypical mix of mineral deposits coming down the Mountain.

Today I felt akin to this magnificent river. Calm and composed outside…Raging and thunderous on the inside.

I have to do it. I don’t want to, but I need it. I need closure, I need freedom. I am not the kind to ask for help, but I just can’t keep fooling myself. Shadow is back to my life, and demanding that I recall something important for him, for me, for us. Getting back inside I snatch my phone.

“Drª Hayes office, good afternoon. My name is Clarisse, how may I assist you today?’

“ Hi. It’s Camilla Wilson.” I hate this receptionist, b***h is full of herself and has the most annoying voice ever created. “I need to speak whit Drª Hayes. Tell her it’s a code black.”

“ Code Black? Are you sure you got the right number sugar?” I swear could hear her laugh!

“Just tell her that and she will know what it is!’

After a couple of minutes the call was transferred.

‘Mila my dear, I must say I am surprise to hear from you so soon. And a code black? Are you sure honey?”Gods, Dr Hayes sure came from another world. I believe that if someday the world finally collapses, she will have the same soothing calm understanding voice.

“Yes Doc. I was sleeping the first time, but then…. He appeared when I was awake and alert.”

Code Black means “ I am seeing my creepy imaginary friend when I am awake.” She came out with the idea of us creating codes, so I could explain without details what was going on. I hated to be treated as a mental time-bomb, and she changed it. She saved from me from myself.

“He wants me to remember. Apparently I made him a promise or some s**t like that.”

“It’s been what? Tree days since you moved in to your mother’s house Milla? And there is so much we never talked about the time you lived there. You have been avoiding these memories for fifteen years now. It’s time for you to face those memories.” She was smiling, I know it. “Did you go to the first floor?”

“Uhhh…Kinda?” I answered. And her “hmmm” response means Elaborate it now…”I went up the stairs… But…. I couldn’t stand seeing Collins bedroom. I don’t think I can go back there.”

“Has been a while since you said His name.” she spoke after a while.”Do you remember how old was him?”

This question caught me out of guard.”One year and three quarters.” the lump in my throat was unbearable.”I… I still can hear him crying.”

“Shadow is back for one reason Camilla. He protected you then, and he is still protecting you now.”

“But you said he is not real!” I was on the verge of tears.

“ He is, in a way…. What it means is, Shadow is your mind protecting you from the pain you endured. He is a projection of how scared and stressed you were during all those years. You believed that you needed something big and scary, to fight with and for you, and your beautiful mind created it. Now he is back, cause you are still scared and stressed.”

“What do I do Doc? I… I”’ Breath in breath out’ ”I feel alone and… and… I don’t know … I don’t know what to do… Shadow is aggressive now… and I didn’t even managed to clean the first floor.”

“ Can you get Jax to come and help you?” She asked after small pause.

“No, I can’t ask him that. He’s working Doc, Jax has his life to live…. I can’t count on him for coming to rescue me every time…… just can’t.”

Jax may be my best friend, but I just couldn't pull him down this messed up road again. He was happy and working his dream job.” Same goes to Leona. She’s due anytime now…..I can’t mess their lives.”

“Mila, you are one off the most stubborn patients I ever had, you know that don’t you?”

“Yeah…I know. But it is what it is!”

“It’s ok to be proud…” She sighed “What is not ok; is to be ruled by pride. You need someone you can hold on. Someone made of flash and bones. You are not in danger anymore; Your Mother can’t hurt you anymore. You are allowed to need and ask for assistance.”

“There’s this random dude” Dr Hayes’s words may sound kind but they have this power to leave one stunned for awhile. “He and dad were friends I guess…..”

“ Oh… so you meet someone new?”She asked enthusiastic “tell me about it.”

“Sort off…I mean, I know nothing about him, my Ol’man never mentioned him before….and he offered to help me with the house first floor. I think he may know what happened here.”

“I see… And why I sense that there’s a “But” just around this corner?”

“…We kinda argued last night… and I … I don’t know… he was really odd.”

“Tree days Mila, and you already managed to argue with some Random Soul?” Dr Hayes chuckles “ Why am I not even impressed ?”

“He is full of himself ok? “ my face was getting red with embarrassment.”He asked some very personal questions… and refused to believe me when I answered.”

“What type of questions?”

“Questions…. Like…. The question is not the point. You don’t just…”

She cut me abruptly.”What did he Exactly asked you Camilla?” she knows me so well……

“He… hnn… He asked how was i doing…..”I murmured.

“Repeat it loud and clear please?”

“He asked how was I doing!”

“Camilla!” she sounded like I’ve cursed her grandmother.

“I panicked ok?”my voice was higher and rushed “I told him I was fine, he told me that I was lying ….and he was not accepting it as an answer, like normal people do! He has no reason in the world to care!”

“Honey, you told me he was friends with Hunter, right?”I made some grunting noise “Maybe he care because he knew your Father. And Darling, Hunter never hides his love for you…He would brag about his daughter for endless hours.” she sighed again “Give the “Random Dude” a chance. Talk to him….. You need human interaction.”

“Ok Doc.”that was my turn to sigh “I guess I can go talk to him…. “

“Good! Keep me updated.”

After this call with Drª Hayes, i was felling a little better. The woman has been my Psychiatrist for fifteen years now. She knew me better than anyone else and she has this super power to put me back on track every time my sexy ass loses it.

Thinking clearer now, Vhid didn't do nothing wrong exactly, and he sounded really hurt that I hid the truth.

Just by glancing up the stairs gave me the chills.

“ It's ok baby brother. I am not running away. Not this time.”