the next generation

When all comes crashing down

I smile at Oliver, hoping he would not see that I really hoped it would be Nate standing there. "Nate did al this in just a day and a halve?" I ask him full excitement. "Well, we all helped him out a little, but yes. Did you take a look at the shelves already?", he walks toward a armchair and sits down to find some comfort. "A bit, but there are so many books here. I would not know where to start". He chuckles at me. I probably just showed him how much of a small town girl I really am by being so suprised. "Come sit down, make yourself comfortable". As I sit down Oliver starts to talk about the different types of psychology. How every type has its own character and way of seeing things. We discuss a couple of subjects as he tries to figure out what exactly keeps my interest. His questions are well thought of and It becomes more clear to me exactly how smart he really is. He is a true man of the world, knowing something about everything. I try my best to keep up with him and feel like I am succeeding. After a while he poors himself a small drink and takes out a book he thinks would suit my interest. I read a couple of pages with the main subject of all the different types of anxiety and what they can do with your body and mind. "To learn what the right questions are to ask someone, you first have to know of what they exist. Every man and woman have their own monsters and fears. Everyone". My mind immediatly starts to think about Nate. I can't imagine a man like Nate being scared of anything. He seems so strong and sure of himself, but his father must be right. If Nate would not have any fears his father would not make such a statement. "Where is Nate?" I blure out without a second thought. As I hear myself ask Oliver where his son is, so upfront, I can feel the blood run to my cheeks. Oliver smiles at me. "He could not be here tonight, he is occupied. Maybe you will see him next time.". My head drops a little and I let out a small sigh. "I can't even thank him for his work then?". Oliver looks at me, a bit worried or maybe he is pitying me for falling for his son. "You would not like what you find if you would. It is better not to disturb him.". What did he mean with that? How come I would not like what I would find? I felt bold and wanted to tell him I can make up my own mind about that, but I did not want to cross Oliver. He is so kind and caring, so I let it go. He must have his reasons. I gather my thoughts again and find myself composed. "May I take this book home with me?". Oliver nodds but adds a rule as well. "You may only take one book at the time, and I want to see you everytime you have read five chapters, so we can discuss those.". His terms seem well thought of. He wanted me to take the reading seriously, and so I would. I agreed and after some small talk I left for my own house. 

That night I found myself restless. What would I see if I would look up Nate? Is he doing drugs or something? Maybe he is with another woman.. Maybe his girlfriend from the other town came to visit him. Maybe he only wanted to cheat with me so he would not want me to find out he has a girlfriend. Or maybe.. he had to work. I did not even know what he was doing for work. How rude of me not to ask him such a basic question. Maybe he was moody because something went wrong and he did not want to see anybody untill everything was okay again. My mind made up a few more excuses for him before falling asleep. The next three days I had to work. I read the first five chapters of the book when I was not working. I went back to Oliver to discuss the chapters and again, no Nate. This repeated itself again, and again. Nate did not come to see me for fiftheen days straight now. He did not even take the time to greet me in the house. I learned that he went out of town for five days, because of some familybussiness. That did not give him an excuse to ignore me for the other ten freaking days. Did I do something wrong? With every passing day I was getting more worried. Maybe I imagined our connection.. Maybe he really did not want anything to do with me. How could he be so sweet, strong and caring the first few days and then ignore me for so long. Was it all about the chase? Did I go along with it to fast, to easy? It was late in the evening, I was in the library with Oliver discussing general anxiety disorder and its most common symptoms when my phone started ringing. On my screen I could see it was my neightbour Josie. "Do you mind if I take this?" I asked Oliver. He waved at me, suggesting I should pick it up. "Hi Josie, how are you?". Sweet Josie was crying loudly as she muttered some words. "What do you mean, I can't understand you Josie. Please, take a deep breath". As I hear her composing herself the words start to sound more clear. It was my house, my home. The rambling storm bashed my home. One of the huge threes next to my house had falling on it and destroyed my roof and halve of my living room and bedroom. Josie went to my house when she hurt the tree fall and when she could not find me she was getting scared. "I'm alright, Josie. I currently am with the new family in town.. But my house.. Can I sleep there tonight? Is it that bad? It can't be?" Josie keeps confirming the damage done and all my hope go down the drain. The last thing I had. The only thing I ever had. Destroyed by nature. Afcourse I knew I should be happy that I was not home at the time.. but why my house? Why not hurt some else for once. I started to cry. I was angry and hurt and sad. Everything I had was taken away from me in a blink of an eye. "Thank you for informing me Josie, I will call you when I need anything. I need some time now. Please go home and warm youself up. Thank you.". Josie told me to take care and said her goodbyes. I hang up and started to cry even louder. Oliver looked at me with pity. He stood up and knieled besides the chair I was sitting in. "I'm sorry honey.", he wraps his arms around me and hold me in a fatherly hug. So warm and safe. I cried on his sweater and could not hold it in anymore. Everything was destroyed. I did not even know where to go. I did not have a home anymore, where could I stay? Mary lived in a very small apartment without any extra space. Josie already did so much for me throughout my life, I could not let her give me anything more. I could not infade her life as if it is normal to take me in. Maybe I could sleep at the bar or something. In turn for working some extra shifts. But how could I raise the money to ever rebuild my home? The thought went through my head like cars on the highway. They followed eachother up and pulled me in a deep whole. I hear Oliver clear his throat as he turns my head so I look at him. "Don't worry. You can stay here for the time being. You are welcome. We have room.". "I can't. I shouldn't.". I mumble as my tears kept rolling down my cheek. "You will. You will stay here tonight and tomorrow we will go and take a look at your house. No arguing on that". Oliver raised his voice so I would not discuss the matter. I nodded and thanked him yet again. Oliver let go of me as he called for Matthew, the son I did not know well at all. "Inform the others, and bring soms clothes to the guestroom. Monica has enough clothes already here. She can lend some." he said to Matthew. He obeyed his father and walked away. "Who is Monica?" I asked. "His girlfriend. She will come to live here as well. We already have a lot of her belongings here. She had to take care of some bussiness first. She will be here in a few days time.". I nodded and whiped the tears out of my eyes.