When Love is Pain

It was 2022. Nisha was too excited to begin her college. She had visited the campus before with her father and had told him," Wow! This looks exactly like a Yash Chopra film set, it's so dreamy and beautiful and artistic and it's so green too! I think I'll sit here all day and write poems!" Indeed, Nisha was a writer but when her classes began she felt too tired to write. She went out at 8 in the morning and came back at 7 in the evening. Moreover she was also enrolled under the Company Secretary course so she juggled between college and her studies. She couldn't even think of any poem not even when she sat under the trees on the side of the fountain in the lawn of her college campus. She tried a lot but still felt detached from her creative soul. She realised that her world had suddenly become too materialistic. One day she told her friend," There's nothing happening here. I wish at least we had a teacher like Miss Chandni( Sushmita Sen in Main Hoon Na)!" The other day she was talking to her friend on their bus while returning home. It was around 5:45 pm in the month of September. The sun had not set completely. She complained about the unachievable strict attendance percentage criteria. She said," Can you believe sir didn't excuse a girl who was ill!" Just then a female voice from behind spoke up," If you're ill, you can give a medical certificate to your teacher!" Nisha turned back and found a woman sitting behind her. It had been a month since she started going by the bus but she had never seen that lady before. However she looked too ethereal to be real. The last rays of the Sun fell on the left side of her face but still dark enough to hide all intricate details. She was searching for something in her bag but still she had a calm vibe. What made Nisha sound like a lovestruck i***t was her voice. Her voice was somewhat sultry but still beautiful. Nisha's mind started telling her," Come on Nisha, look a beautiful woman has approached you for the first time, say something, for God's sake!" Nisha said," But ma'am( there was something about her style that made Nisha believe she can't be a student) if I am attacked by Corona virus, I'd need a long isolation period, what about that?" Hence the conversation continued. Nisha couldn't recall clearly what the woman had said after this. She remembered how the lady had asked her about her department and all. At the end, Nisha just over complimented her voice but the woman was secretly in love with that compliment. Nisha couldn't just ask her what her name was and what she taught or her department because how can a student ask these details about a professor? Days passed and Nisha used to see her come to the bus everyday and take a seat while secretly calling her "That beautiful ma'am" but she couldn't muster up courage to speak to her again maybe because she was shy and introvert and didn't know what she should be talking about even when sometimes that woman sat just behind her. Nisha wished she'd approach her again like she did the first time but nothing like that happened. One day, Maya was sitting in the first seat in the bus; she looked tired and somewhat sad. Nisha had heard how Maya loved talking to her colleagues, but there was nobody with her that day, she was all alone. Nisha felt a pang on her chest almost the pain one feels when they eat too much green chillies at once. Nisha felt a strange urge to sit beside Maya and kiss her cheeks. Later she felt guilty about gazing at Maya's cheeks for a long time, she didn't know Maya's age but realised Maya must be somewhere around 40, quite older than 19 year old Nisha. One evening as the bus was about to leave and the driver asked if everyone had come, another lady professor told him, " No, bhaiya please wait for Maya ma'am!" Nisha thought," Is it her?" and when her "That beautiful ma'am" arrived she was overwhelmed with joy. Now she knows her name! But is it enough? She didn't act on this newly discovered information until Maya came as a supervisory guest invigilator in one of Nisha's exams. Nisha was writing her exam mindfully she was a good student until her pen stopped upon seeing Maya. For the first time Nisha could see Maya clearly under the bright light in an uninterrupted unsecretive manner. Her mind just short circuited Maya looked even more beautiful! She couldn't write her paper for the entire time Maya was standing there even though she had learnt everything by heart, Nisha just kept looking at Maya as if it's a breathtaking view but Maya didn't notice Nisha's gaze. After coming back home that day, Nisha searched Maya's profile on f*******: and found her. Maya was the head of the physics department but the most shocking and heartbreaking part was that she was married. However her marital status couldn't stop Nisha from admiring her in her beautiful pictures. Maya didn't look like a professor she looked almost like a retired heroine. Nisha wasn't returning by bus that time because she was leaving early during exams but she decided to approach Maya this time once her exams were over. Nisha was looking at Maya's photos day and night, completely smitten by her aura, she even wrote a silly poem for Maya. It wasn't perfect but yes, after struggling so much with writing something beautiful, Nisha could finally write a poem, it was clumsy, messy but it was so real and so childish. Most importantly, after writing the poem Nisha didn't feel like tearing the pages like it wasn't happening but she held the poem close to her heart, maybe because for her the poem wasn't literature to her anymore it was Maya. The silence of Nisha's creative soul was broken by Maya's presence. Maya didn't even know but she gave Nisha her poetry back, made Nisha find herself again amidst the chaos. Maya unknowingly carried that magic and Nisha was drawn to that more than Maya's beauty. However the fact that Maya was married disturbed her everyday. She asked," Why God? Why can't I have this woman? When I saw her i felt like destiny spoke to me she's the one and now you're telling me she's married? Are you playing a prank on me?" Her friends suggested her to keep everything casual and not rush into anything deeper. It was the day finally. 17th November,2022, a Thursday. Almost 2 months after Nisha first met Maya. Nisha had been working on that script long enough: the script perfectly curated about how she'd be approaching Maya. Nisha had never approached a beautiful woman before like this hence this was a novelty for her. Moreover, Nisha must be careful about the words she picked because Maya was a professor and Nisha still didn't know much about Maya, all she knew was Maya was a very kind lady. Nisha even practised a demo meeting with her friend, Anaya. Anaya played the role of Maya. It was 5:30pm now. The classes were over. Nisha asked Anaya one last time if she's doing this right, if approaching Maya is really needed she can still back out now. Anaya encouraged her to act on Nisha's feelings. Nisha was almost going out of the building when she noticed a woman with a phone by the vending machine the woman was facing the machine but Nisha realised she had seen that phone in Maya's hands in her photos. Nisha stopped to check and confirmed that it was indeed Maya. Her colleague was standing beside her. Nisha began," Ma'am, do you remember me?" Maya turned to face Nisha, half-smiling, half- perplexed because she couldn't recall meeting Nisha. Nisha continued," You're telling me about the medical certificate that day?" Maya recalled instantly, " Yeah, I do remember you." Nisha asked out of nowhere," Ma'am, if you're comfortable enough, can we be friends on f*******:?" Maya was very sporty. She replied immediately," Yeah, sure! Why not? I have all my students as friends on f*******:! You send me a friend request, I'll accept." "Ma'am, actually you have set up your account in such a way that only mutual friends can send you a friend request and I don't have any mutual friends with you." "Okay, then, I'm sending you a friend request, what's your name?" Nisha felt she'd literally fly up in joy. She didn't expect Maya to be so warm and accepting and ready to invite Nisha into her space so easily and so quickly. She had expected resistance from Maya's side. She couldn't say anything after that, Maya asked," Happy now?" Nisha grinned and nodded. Maya left. Nisha thought it was over for the day but their bus was late and then there was Maya again waiting for the bus. The winter sky turns dark early. It was a little chilled and completely dark. There were only some light posts that allowed people to see each other. Nisha approached Maya again. "Ma'am, I have accepted your friend request." "Very good." After a moment of silence, Nisha said," Ma'am your photos are very beautiful!" "Wait, do you even know me?" "Yes, I do!" Nisha recited Maya's entire educational background, Maya was impressed. "How do you know so much about me?" "Actually ma'am, I stalked your f*******: account." Maya burst out laughing at Nisha's innocence. "Oh god! Look at you! You stalked my account and now you're even telling me that you stalked my account!" Nisha laughed too. Then Maya said something that made Nisha's heart flutter. She said," You know nobody has ever quite made me feel like---" Maya struggled to find the exact words. Maybe she was trying to say "seen" or even "loved" but Nisha couldn't quite figure it out, all she knew was she had made an impact on Maya. Nisha wanted to say," Even I haven't been so crazy for someone before!" Nisha told Maya she had seen Maya's videos. Their university had a Youtube channel and sometimes Maya came in some videos to represent her department or just appeared in a live seminar. Nisha wanted to talk with Maya, she had never dated anyone who didn't know what to ask or say. Once, she asked where Maya stays. Maya too asked Nisha where she stays. Nisha was a student of commerce. She questioned Maya why physics was so tough. "Look ma'am, I was doing fine studying scenarios where a boy throws a ball from the terrace to the ground, rectilinear motion now why do I have to study motion in a curved path again, why make things complicated for no good reason?" Maya laughed. Asked her where she did her schooling from and it was discovered that Maya's with Nisha's school because it was popular in their area. Then Nisha started telling Maya something which didn't make any sense because Nisha didn't know any other method to continue talking with Maya. By this time, the bus had finally arrived. Everyone had left but Nisha stood there alone because she had to talk to Anaya. "Anaya, I've met her, I'm now friends with her on f*******: and we talked. What should I do next?" "Go, sit beside her in the bus?" "What? No! Really? Can I do that?" So, Nisha approached Maya again, she had already taken her seat by the window but the seat next to her was still empty. "Um, ma'am, can I sit here?" "Yes sure!" Maya brought her bags closer to her to make space for Nisha and after Nisha had seated herself, Maya asked," Are you sitting comfortably?" "Yes, ma'am, but I think you aren't!" It seemed Maya needed some more space but she was adjusting, said," No, no, I'm fine!" Nisha had never felt so happy in her entire life. She cherished every single moment during the bus rude and wished the ride never ended. Before she alighted from the bus, she bade Maya goodbye and thought only about Maya the entire time while she walked back to her home. Something in her heart bloomed and blossomed, she didn't yet know it was love.