My Secret Admirer Is My Bully

Rose Monday morning came around at a slow pace and now it is time to go back to school. Today was hard to get up, my body was screaming at me to stay still not move, to just stay laying down. Last night my dad, who I found out is my stepdad after my mum passed away, beat me till I blacked out last night. I pulled my screaming body up using the bed, gritting my teeth to not make a noise, just in case he is in the room next door, or waiting outside this door. I managed to get to my own personal bathroom, washing my face, assessing the damage to my face today. Using the last of my foundation I covered the bruise on my face and hand where he stamped on it with his steel toe cap boots. Thankfully it was my left hand so I can still write in lessons today. Putting my hoodie on and pulling it low down, I snuck down the stairs making sure I didn’t hit any of the creaking floorboards giving away my position. Making it to the front door I slowly went out of the house not seeing my dad on the way. Taking a moment to let my shoulders relax, and then going back on alert, scanning the trees and bushes making sure he isn’t hiding, waiting for me. Looks all clear. Which is good as the weather was going with my mood, downpour of rain. If my dad was out in this, he would have done worse damage to me than last night, blaming me for the weather as if I controlled it. Walking the half an hour trip to school was hell and I was drenched by the time I got there. My mood plummeted even worse. I went towards my locker, and as usual they were next to it, all my bullies. Leo and his gang, with the new fling of the day, queen bee, Amber. The rumor was, Leo never slept with the same girl twice. Amber was the one who didn’t seem to get that message as she always tried to hang on to him. To be fair to Leo and his gang, everyone here is my bully, all trying to impress Leo and his friends. I literally have no one, not even someone to say hi to. When my mum passed and it came out dad is the town drunk, I was on my own. Not one person stayed my friend, the adults all looked down on me, not even caring that I was a child and being neglected, instead rumors of me buying him drink and protecting him and whatever else they could think of to say I had done. All of them turned their backs on me. As I got close to my locker, I never see the hands coming up behind me. Usually, I am more aware of my surroundings. I felt them push into my back making me fall to the floor. Tears sprang to my eyes as I landed on my hands, then the hands that pushed me turned into a fist pushing into the boot print in my back from last night. I gritted my teeth just staying on the floor, not letting the tears leak out. I just closed my eyes and breathed through the pain. Then as every day, acting as if it is new, everyone around me stopped what they were doing to laugh at me. When I felt the fist move off my back, I pulled myself up, my body screaming to just stay down, but I refused to let them beat me. I just carried on walking the last few steps to my locker. I would not cry, nor would I let them destroy me, my dad is worse and if I can handle him then I can handle anything. Walking past Leo and his gang I see they weren’t laughing, instead he looked indifferent, a flash of emotion went through his eyes and then it was gone. I wonder what I had done now to upset him. Like my dad, I have just got to breath to upset him. I guess no locker again for me. Thankfully he let me walk past him and his gang with no problems. I made it to my first class, relieved when I took off my backpack. I was hoping today I would get to use my locker as my back was killing me, but after that shove, I will just carry it around with me. I can’t wait to get out of school to get away to college. Hopefully the far away ones would accept me, I would have to be homeless or hopefully I could save enough with this new job in the bookstore I will be starting today and rent a room, I would have to get a part time job to tide me over until I pass college and get my degree, then I can go anywhere I want. Anywhere to freedom. Freedom, such a powerful word. Before I had doubts about going to college and moving across country, feeling my past is going to follow me, cloak me for everyone to see. Staying here in this town would be easier as everyone knows me, but I know them. I know what they will do, what they will say, how they react, predictable. In a new place, they could find out and I would never know what would be next. My dream is to become a nurse just like my mum was. I loved hearing her stories of helping people, and when my dad turned on me, I made my mind up to go ahead and become a nurse so I could help people of all ages that are going through what I am. Hopefully I would be able to help them escape and be the listening ear, not to be alone like me. I would be the one in their corner rooting for them. The rest of the day seemed to be quiet which made me suspicious. No one came near me or said anything to me which was unusual. When the final bell rang, I waited for everyone to leave and then I left to make my way to the bookstore. Thankfully someone was on my side as the rain had stopped. The walk was short thankfully, as I wanted to do was curl up from the pain I have been in today. When I made it to the store I got given my uniform and went to get changed, checking myself in the mirror making sure my foundation is still on and again someone was looking after me as the rain never washed it away. My shift was great, it was a quiet day, so I got a lot of training in. Grey, my manager was very kind to me, he had a lot of patience and never got stressed. When I finished my shift, I just had enough time to get to the shop to buy more foundation before they shut. My dad always had change in his jeans and when he sleeps on the sofa most of it would fall out. Being drunk he doesn’t realise it has fallen onto the sofa. It gives me a chance to find the money to sometimes have the privilege to buy food from the school canteen and foundation to cover the bruising. Usually, he doesn’t go for the face as he doesn’t want to be caught with the abuse. Sometimes he has slipped and done my face as he was too drunk to care. Last night he had lost at a game, and I was the easy target for his anger. Making it home from the shop, I used the shadows to sneak around the back, through the gate and into the kitchen. No lights were on. This could be good or I’m in for a night of anger. Thankfully I am so used to being in the dark, I can see where I am going after adjusting my eyes. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it was going to break my ribs and alert my dad I was home. The blood rushing through my ears cut out the sound of his movements, my breathing sounding loud giving away my position. Making it through the house to the stairs, I was sweating buckets. It felt like an eternity to get to them stairs. When I made it, I went quicker up the stairs, making sure no noise was heard. Quiet as a mouse. I wish I could have run up the stairs, but if my dad was home, I just couldn’t tonight with how much pain I am in. Going through my bedroom door, I was covered in sweat. By the looks of it my dad isn’t home. I quickly went to the bathroom and had the quickest shower of my life. Drying and changing into my pajamas, I slipped into my safe space, climbing under the makeshift bed, I was out like a light.