The Fabulous Flaming Moose

It appears to be true, your life does pass before your eyes as your near deaths door, I hope that the ripper doesn't answer, I am not really ready to go, this may sound crazy and selfish but I really want to know if I won that race, especially if it's my last. Rubbing is racing, we were side by side, no holding back, full speed to the finish, crowd was cheering loud as the checker flag was insight, a car length away, not sure how we wrecked, but we did and all that was on my mind as I am spinning and flipping before blacking out was Who finished first? That was my dream race to win, of all the races, the series, this was the very race I desired to win the most, a pinnacle for a career racer like me, I mean what haven't I raced. I was there, leading that lap, second place driver had been drafting for at least two laps unable to pass but giving their all was now getting a run on me and it was like I was holding my breath for that car length away from the finish, heart racing as I could taste that win, my car, my team, myself giving everything we got, just keep the car straight, keep the foot on the gas... The loud cheers of the crowd turn to yells, some scream omg, horrific screams, then just this buzzing in the ears, dizziness then dark, was this my fault? Did I forget to exhale? I don't hear an announcement over the tracks speakers of who won, when the ringing in the ears stop I do hear a voice " are you ok?" "can you hear me? please try and respond sir"  but I can't respond I know it's the track's safety crew, one of the best in my books. Sounds begin to feel muffled but I hear some different voices and other sounds like a saw, a siren, the creepy silence of the crowd and cars, just damn this wave of overwhelming pain, really what exactly happened? and did I win or not? I can feel a shift, like I am on a board or stretcher, lifting must be loading me into the ambulance, there is a frantic energy as I feel the paramedics doing everything in their power to save me, it's a bumpy road and I feel when they take a turn, feels slow compared to my race car and not as smooth, the ringing in my ears comes and goes but I think I just heard a semi mumbled voice saying something about emergency surgery. From what I can tell in this state I am in with all the voices around me they must be in constant communication with the hospital while preparing me along the way to take me straight into surgery. I drive fast cars in multiple racing series for a living, yet now some how in this moment I am scared, this mixed with feeling that I don't want to die right now, desperately wanting to know if I won, maybe if I won I would feel different, pinnacle achieved, I can surrender feeling satisfied and leave this overwhelming pain behind. "Were losing him" I hear, followed by some muffles and stat and cc's, my life is passing before my eyes but it feels like slow motion. Regrets seemed highlighted, what I had sacrificed to get here, to have this racing career, be one of the best, I wasn't married, no family of my own, I was so focused on following my dream that I didn't seek out that special woman it takes to marry a race car driver, I love racing, I race in more then one series and not just cars, dirt bikes too, she would have to love racing as much as me to handle all the risks taken, to be strong in a time like this as accidents happen, stronger if children are involved freaking out about is daddy going to die. Desired being number one then maybe settle down, hard to do if you like speed. When I didn't have that buzzing sound I could hear that this operating room is crowed yet I felt so alone, started to feel cold, my mind took me back to the flash back of my life like I was watching some movie of it, all of the school dances I didn't attend as I was always working on a car or bike, even as a young boy I would work on my go cart, the times I turned down friends who wanted to play frisbee or send a day at the beach, turned them down to many times I guess as I realized I don't have that many friends, mainly crew members. More of a chill, more feelings of loneliness, hello moment of melancholy was I wrong? should I have spent a day at the beach? tossed a frisbee? had a girlfriend? would I feel less alone right now? more will to live then just did I win? If I live will I race again? what if I can't race any more? what would I do with myself? colder, sound of a flatline. " Stay with us sweetie " a sweet angelic voice says,  "Mom, that you?" but how can I talk, I am flatlining, am I talking? am I dead? "Mom?" I seem to cry out, but again the truth I am not saying a thing, out of the coldness I feel a warmth, but no bright light, fear fills me as I wonder am I going to hell? "Come on Honey, stay with us" what a voice, she sounds like a angel if that makes sense, there that warmth is again, I think a hand is holding mine, yes it is my hand as a sand which in-between hers, I think she is real, "stay with me handsome", is this euphoria I am feeling in this moment? right now I feel warm, not really feeling pain, who is that voice? Please keep talking to me. A surge of adrenaline, beeping machines, deep breaths, quick flashes of the final lap, I won...I mean I am alive.