Three Little Birds

Safe Haven Pt. 1

I woke early that Sunday, dreams, or should I say nightmares, not allowing me to want to even attempt at sleep; nor could I lie there wide awake.

Now, an hour later I was on my second cup of coffee, quietly sipping as I enjoyed the peace of a new morning's sunrise.

I heard the back door open and quietly close.

I smiled behind my coffee cup as I took a sip. Liz sat down next to me, her bed head on the highest level of insanity, her giant cup in one hand, her box in the other.

Once she was situated she smiled at me before leaning over and kissing my cheek. "Good morning, gorgeous."

I smiled through my outrageous blush. "Good morning, Liz. Sleep well?"

She followed my gaze, rolling her eyes upward as if she can see the top of her head. She glared and failed at attempting to smooth it all down.

I laughed. "You may as well give up. Nothing tames that jungle but a shower."

She sighed. "Yeah, you're right. f**k it."

She lay her head on my shoulder and we sat in silence for a beat, listening to the natural sounds of the morning. After a moment she kissed my cheek once more and sat back up, opening her box as she did so.

"How have you been? I feel like we haven't seen each other in weeks." She expertly rolled a couple of blunts before lighting one.

It did feel like that. Sure we usually rode in to work together and home, and then while at work, but those were short rides filled with superficial talks before the start and at the end of the workday.

The season was on the upward slope of being packed with tourists, which meant during the day we barely had time to pee, let alone get into any kind of meaningful conversation.

I shrugged as I accepted the blunt she handed me as she curled closer under the electric blanket. "Mostly good. Last week I kinda freaked out. I'm sure Mykel told you. But that's really been the only time in a while now."

She nodded. "Yeah, he mentioned it briefly. He didn't go into too many details of what happened, though."

I coughed once as I exhaled. "I wasn't thinking." I took another drag, slow and deep, my focus on the mountains on the horizon. "Mykel has been helping me get over my fear of the tub and water and...I turned it on and got in and..." I gestured indicating 'and'.

"Well...if you think about it another way...it shows that whatever he's doing is working."

I stopped moving, my hand half poised to my mouth, the cherry of the blunt smoking. Her words stunned me. "How?" I made eye contact with her, frowning, considering her words.

"You weren't thinking about it. You went through the motions of not only taking off your clothes but turning the water on and getting into the tub. You were relaxed enough to get to that point.

"Don't think about the fact that you panicked once you got in, think about the fact that you were able to get in."

She kissed my cheek and handed me two of the blunts she had rolled. "I have missed you. Next weekend I'm taking off...the three of us should go out and have fun and then go have dinner."

She smiled and I had to smile back, infectious as it is. "That sounds great. I've really missed you, too. And thanks, Liz. That means a lot."

I sat there for some time before Mykel greeted me, his face slack with sleep. I smiled at him as he collapsed down next to me, his head falling to my shoulder. I threw part of the blanket over him.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." I kissed the top of his head.

What Liz had said to me before she left for work made me feel better about the situation. I had indeed never thought to look at it as a strength, as a milestone I passed, and I smiled to myself.

Mykel nuzzled into my neck, kissing the skin there. I wondered about him, about us. About myself. A part of me was still terrified. Terrified that Mykel would turn out like everyone else. That one false step will send him spiraling into a fury and I knew I would not be able to deflect those blows.

I was terrified of the fact that I was falling for him. Falling hard and falling long, and I was clueless as to how to proceed. The way he made me feel was exhilarating. For the first time, I was getting a taste of the affection that I had always craved and had always been denied.

Back then I had convinced myself that the slew of john's had cared something for me; after all, not all of them were monsters. That's what I told myself, anyway.

I wanted to say so much to him in that moment but all words made a hasty exodus as his hand slipped under my shirt.

His lips had stilled, lightly brushing my skin when he shifted, as did his hand. His fingers splayed against my ribs, soft and undemanding; his touch holding the air in my lungs.

His touch, all of it, made me dizzy but in the best way. The feel of his skin on mine sent small electric shocks rippling through my entire being, and I found myself, and not for the first time, craving more. I never wanted those men to touch me, and every single time I disconnected, dissociated, and did not come back to myself for several hours after any of them left.

But here and now, I found myself wanting his hands roaming my body, to feel his lips tracing over my skin, wrapping around more sensitive areas.

"Mattie? Are you all right?" He sat up as he spoke, his voice and face showing concern, his hand sliding around to my stomach, but still flush against my skin. "You're trembling."

I nodded, but in affirmation or confirmation, I do not know. "Liz rolled me a few before she left. Smoke with me?"

My voice shook as I spoke and he looked at me with such intensity that I had to turn my gaze away for fear he would see down into my soul. Into the darkest places, I had yet to allow him or anyone else privy to.

"Yeah," he answered, "let's go inside though. I'm getting a bit nippy." He smiled at his choice of words. I smiled at him.

"Come on, mon bonheur." He reached out his hand to me and, lacing our fingers together I followed him inside.

Mykel grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge and tossed me one. I looked at it and looked at him as if it were an offending object I wanted nothing more or less to do with than a bomb on its last five-second countdown.

"Yeah, you're right," he said taking the bottle and replacing them both back in the fridge. "How about some hot chocolate?"

I smiled and nodded.

He grins as he turns toward the cupboard and grabbed two glasses before taking out four packages of Swiss Hot Chocolate.

"Two packages are always better than one. Makes it thicker."

He handed me my cup once I was comfortable on the couch and sat down beside me. I took a hesitant sip. The chocolate flavor filled my mouth and I smiled, delighted.

"This is really good!" I exclaimed, smiling at him brightly and child-like.

He smiled back, fully mirroring my excitement. I could see the look in his eyes behind his smile. He was wondering, but he was not going to ask.

"You're really adorable when you get all excited about little things," he told me grinning before taking a sip of his own cup.

I felt myself blush madly before I looked away. Setting my cup down on the end table beside me, I picked up the blunt and the lighter and struck it, lighting the end and inhaling deeply of the smoke.

"If I didn't know better I'd say you'd been smoking for years instead of a couple months." I handed it to him and watched the cherry burn further as he hit it.

"Why do you say that?" I asked frowning slightly, my curiosity peaked.

"You smoke like a pro, Mattie. Especially this s**t. This s**t is strong."

He laid his head backward, resting it against the back of the couch as he held the smoke deeply in his lungs. It was strong.

I smiled as I watched him.