Three Little Birds

Exposure Pt. 3

"I've never been in love before, Liz. But, I..." I sighed. "I don't want to be a replacement for what he lost with Kaiden. I don't want him to kiss me and think of him or...anything else. I don't even know how he feels about me at this point, so I've...just...been taking it moment by moment." I looked at her then, my eyes pleading for understanding. "Please don't tell him, Liz."

She smiled lightly and kissed my temple. "I won't, Mattie."

When we pulled into the parking lot of the Cooke County Mall, I stared at the entrance in an anxious haze.

"You okay there? Did your sails lose their wind?" She chuckled to herself at the joke.

"I just...I don't have any idea what I could even possibly begin looking for as a gift. I'm looking for a needle in a haystack large as Texas."

She chuckled and patted my shoulder. "That's what I am for, goofy. Come on, let us go find him something."

We had been walking for hours and neither of us had found anything that screamed at me that it was for him. I was growing tired, I was beyond frustrated at my apparent lack of skill at gift shopping, frazzled by the numerous amounts of people that flooded the mall, and about ready to throw in the towel.

That's when I found it. Sitting in a large, plait glass display window, as if set out for me to happen upon. I had walked by this window several times throughout our journey through the mall, and I guarantee that it had not been there previous to that moment.

My breath caught in my chest as a smile slowly formed upon my face.

"Liz! Liz! I found it! I found it!" I started bouncing with excitement as Liz came to stand next to me at the window.

She smiled at the object. "Yes, I agree, that's it. That's perfect."

I raced into the store and made my purchase, my heart beating in both titillation and anticipation. 

When we got home Mykel wasn't there yet, not yet done with overseeing the transformation of his shop into his own, private vision.

"You wanna help me make dinner? Mykel won't be home for a bit, it might distract you enough until he gets home."

I nodded following her into the kitchen. For the last several weeks Liz had been teaching me to cook. I had never learned and had survived off of delivery pizzas and whatever I could microwave.

"Liz?" I asked as I set the butter next to the raw chicken she had just placed in the skillet. I took a deep breath, fortifying my will, my heart pounding in a different kind of titillation and anticipation.

Noticing my sudden change in demeanor she looked to me. "Yeah? You okay?"

I nodded and smiled slightly. "Well...um, y-you kn-know how you told to me, um, to think about m-m-mo-moving, moving in?" 

"Yeah. Hand me the garlic salt, please."

I did. "Well, I, uh, I've been think-thinking about it...a lot...lately."

I watched her sprinkle the garlic salt and a smattering of other seasonings before placing small globs of butter in with the chicken and turn on the burner.

"Yeah? Make a decision then?" She glanced at me and smiled before returning to the chicken.

I nodded, swallowing the nervousness. "I want to stay. My lease is up at the end of next month. I like it here. I feel...at home here. I've...never had that before."

Liz smiled and turned from the stove and hugged me, kissing my temple. "Good. You are home here."

I smiled as I felt a bold and bright blush creep into my cheeks. "Thank you, Liz. For everything, I mean."

She smiled again. "Anytime, sweetie. Mattie?" I looked at her then. "You really are home here. You're not alone anymore. And you've got a family now. Okay?"

I nodded unable to articulate just exactly what those words meant to me. I do not have to articulate it. Liz knew. She hugged me tightly and kissed my temple again.

"I love you, Mattie."

My heart constricted and my throat closed, but I managed to squeak out that I loved her too.

Just as the chicken finished cooking Mykel walked in the front door. He was all smiles and absolutely beautiful.

Even today, almost a decade later, when I see him, I drink in his beauty in awe, mesmerized that he could love someone like me so completely, so unwaveringly. 

"Something smells good," he said upon entering the kitchen.

"Good, 'cause dinner is done. Eat up."

"Amazing. I'm gonna go change out of these clothes. I'll be right back."

He smiled at me in greeting, unsure, before stalking out of the room. I thought about following but decided against it, wanting instead for the moment to be private, uninterrupted by the calling of food.

After an enjoyable meal filled with laughter and easy-going banter, Mykel did the dishes and I excused myself to my room.

I left the door open invitingly, instincts telling me Mykel would soon be along, as he had made a habit of coming to my room after dinner.

I had the small, wrapped gift resting in my hands while I perched on the bed when he popped his head into the room. 

He smiled that smile at me and my heart melted. I blushed and looked down at the gift as he approached.

"Hey, whatcha got?" he asked as he flopped on the bed beside me. He laid back stretching his back out before sitting back up again. He leaned into my space to look at the brightly colored gift-wrap paper.

"I, uh, I got you something." My voice was almost a whisper from being so nervous.

"Yeah?" He smiled again and I nodded.

"Well, I know you've been really upset lately, and...well, I wanted to make you feel better." I handed him the object gingerly and he took it just the same. He made a spectacle of shaking it about, though it was obvious from the shape that it wasn't something that rattled.

With great care, he tore open the taped sides, careful not to tear the paper. When the object was revealed he gasped, making me bring my gaze up to his face.

"Wow, I...I love it." He smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back, the excitement in his eyes reflecting on my face.

"I remembered you mentioned in passing once about how much you loved her work. And when I saw it there in the window...I knew it was what I'd been looking for."

He opened the book of the Complete Works of Emily Dickinson, thumbing through the pages like he was holding a most valued treasure.

"I don't even remember mentioning liking her," he commented as he landed on a poem he had been searching for.

I shrugged. "It wasn't something we touched on too much."

He smiled and looked at the page before he read aloud softly. As he read his voice broke but his eyes stayed dry.

"To lose thee, sweeter than to gain

All other hearts I knew.

Tis true the drought is destitute

But, then, I had the dew!

The Caspian has its realms of sand,

Its other realm of sea.

Without this sterile perquisite

No Caspian could be."