Becoming A Gays obession

"You know that my heart only yearns for him”, she said to him. He knows from the start he has no place in her heart, maybe there is but only as friends. “But he doesn’t love you”, he said to her. He gave a hard breath and slowly sat next to her. She clutches her hands. She wanted to shout at him but how when she knows his right. The man she loves doesn’t love her back. “I know…” Finally, tears fall on her eyes as she hugs herself. She cries for the man who doesn’t love her. He watches the woman he loves cry for the man who doesn’t love her. How he wishes he was that man but this time he will make sure he has a place in her heart. “Then let me love you” I’m a handsome gay yet here I am wanting…wait no, not wanting but needing this girl. I’m always into my the same s*x pero ng nakilala ko siya lahat ay nagbago, ng una ay kaibigan lang hanggang sa siya na ang laging hinahanaphanap ko araw-araw. She was just my student back then and I’m his professor. Of all my students siya lang naiiba. She had friendly smile pero hindi ko siya nakikita na bumibilang sa grupo but she communicate well with others. She became my friend and we both shared our secrets including her first love, her first heartbreak. The first time I heard she’s in love with this guy para bang may sumaksak sa dibdib ko. Noong una akala ko baka nagseselos lang ako bilang kaibigan niya. I want her attention and I thought that attention was just a friend's attention. I’m into the same s*x yet why do I fall in love with her maybe I’m not really a gay after all. Pero saan nga ba lahat nagsimula? August, a first month of school in Palawan State University. Teacher na ako dito for two years and now magpapangatlo na. I’ve been into many schools pero PSU lang ang nagbigay sa akin ng permanent teaching which is good kasi ngayon mahirap na ang makahanap ng stable na trabaho mahirap pag contractual lang. “Good Morning sir”, bati sa akin ng mga students ko sa senior high. This year I’ve been tasked by the dean's office to teach second-year students at the College of Business and Accountancy. Luckily sa tinagal ko sa PSU alam ko na kung saan pupuntahang college building. Nong first time kung pumunta dito nangkandaligaw-ligaw pa ako. “Room 11”, I was on time when I got to my first class in the morning. Medyo kukunti palang ang mga students na nakita ko. “Good morning class”, bati ko at inilapag ang dala-dala kung itim na bag na may lamang laptop sa lamesa. “Good morning sir”, bati rin nila. “Ok kindly please occupy the seats in front”, I said to them and they seat in front. “My name is Alejandro Ponce De Leon but you can call me teacher D kasi yun ang tawag na iba sa akin”, pagpapakilala ko. “Ok since this is just our first meeting all you need to do today is just introduce yourself, why did you choose Human Resource Management as your course, what is your first impression of me, ok starting with you miss”, turo ko sa babae malapit sa bintana. “Hi good morning sir and to my fellow classmates I’m Aleah Montenigro, I choose this subject kasi wala ng available slots at hindi ako nakapasa sa gusto kung subject and my first expression to you sir is strict, I think”, may ilan akung narinig na nagtawanan. Sunod-sunod napgpakilala ang mga students ko hanggang sa may dumating na late. Unlike other students, she’s the only one who doesn’t were eyeliner or any makeup on her face. Just natural maybe may pulbo pero halatang walang ahit ang kilay but it suits her. She looks like sixteen years old pero karamihan ng second year ngayon ay nineteen or twenty maybe I was just mistaken. “Sorry sir for being late”, ani nito at umupo sa bakanting upuan. “Ok miss please introduce yourself, reason why you choose HRM and your first expression to me”, paliwanag ko dito at tumayo siya sa pagkakaupo. Even her style is simple, red jogging pants and a yellow shirt with a collar, a wristwatch on her left hand, and her hair is just tied in a ponytail. “Good morning sir my name is Anna Michaelis, I choose this course because my mom choose it for me and my first expression to you sir…”, there was a long pause. Tinititigan niya, it was like she was observing me. “Gwapo?”, she finally said with an unsure word but she just sweetly smile at her answer. My other students tease her pero parang wala lang sa kanya. “Ok take your seats”. Time skip… Friday, another day just came and lahat ng schedule ko ay umaga hanggang gabi and to my luck naabutan pa ako ng ulan, baka wala na ako masakyan nito paglabas malayo pa naman ang sakayan and worst umuulan pa. bakit ko ba nakalimutan ang payong ko in the first place, lahat naman ng dadalhin ko naasikaso ko pati payong. Katabi lang yun kanina ng bag ko sa bahay bakit nakalimutan ko pa. “Hi..”, napahinga nalang ako. Hindi rin ako pwedi magpabasa dahil may dala akong laptop. “Sir D?”, napalingon ako sa likod ko ng may narinig akong tumawag sa akin. Wait sino nga to, one of my weaknesses ay yung magsaulo ng name ng mga students. Bakit kasi hindi ko sinasaulo pangalan nila but I know her, she’s one of my student in WS. “Hi miss..?”, nahalata niya ata na hindi ko alam pangalan niya. “Anna po sir, student niyo po ako sa Wednesday at Saturday pang morning”, she said with those lovely smiles also with a dimple. “Wala po ata kayong payong, pauwi na rin po ba kayo? Sabay napo kayo sa akin” Yes, my angel. Hulog ka ng langit. Ani ng utak ko. “Okey lang ba?”, tanong ko rito. “Opo sir”, then she open her umbrella. Medyo malayo ang CBA building sa gate kaya malayo pa lalakarin naming plus kung wala pang naghihintay na multicab. Lesson learned: “Don’t forget your umbrella” “Um sir okey lang po ba kung kayo na maghawak ng payong, ang tangkad niyo po kasi”, she said to me na parang nahihiya pa na ako nga dapat ang mahiya. Well, you’re a teacher of course mahihiya siya. “Ok”, kinuha ko ang payong sa kamay niya. Oo nga naman ang tangkad ko and her height is just on my shoulder. We reach the gate, may mga night guard na but to make it more worst wala ng multicab ang naghihintay. “Mukang lalakad pa po tayo ulit sa taas”, ani niya sa akin. “Oo nga eh”, saad ko naman. I notice na nababasa na ang uniform niya. “Uniform mo nababasa na”, sabi ko rito. “Ok lang po yan sir, may uniform pa po ako”, sagot nito sa akin. Good thing na may multicab na naghihintay pa ng pasahero kaya nakasakay kami kaagad. “Saan ka pauwi?”, tanong ko rito. “Rizal sir, kayo po?” “Pa Rizal din” It took five minutes para makapunta sa bayan. Mas lalo pa ata lumakas ang ulan. “Para po”, sigaw nito sa driver. “Sir kunin niyo nalang po to”, bigay niya sa aking ng payong. “Wala ka ng gagamitin, malakas pa naman ang ulan”, sagot ko rito. “Ok lang sir, sa harap lang naman po ang apartment na tinutuluyan ko”, bago pa ako makasagot ay tuluyan na siyang bumaba at pumasok sa building. Guess I really need this umbrella, pagbaba ko sasakay pa ako ulit ng tricyle. I will not forget the name of that student of mine, Anna Michaelis. Saturday came and I didn’t see Anna, bakit kaya? Days came so fast and it’s already Wednesday pero ako lang ba ito bakit parang halos wala akong makitang students. Na sa room na ako pero wala pa akong students na nakikita. “Sir D?”, it was her again Anna. God thing dala ko payong niya ngayon. “Anna saan yung iba mong kaklse?”,tanong ko rito na siya naman ipinagtaka niya. “Sir nagbigay po kasi ng announcement yung sa OSAS na wala po pasok ngayong Wednesday”, that’s when I froze to my seats. I just remember na wala nga palang pasok ngayon, why did I forget about that. Halatang gustong tumawa sa akin ng students ko. I can see she just controlling herself. “Anong ginagawa mo dito kung wala kayong pasok?”, tanong ko rito. “I forgot my notes”, sagot nito sa akin at kinuha ang notebook sa upuan nito. “Ay oo nga pala payong mo”, ibinigay ko rito ang payong niya. “Thanks sir”, she said to me and we both shock when we heard a loud thunder. Bigla nalang bumuhos ang malakas na ulan. Shot, akala ko walang ulan ngayon, sabi sa balita bukas pa. PAG-ASA, namamali ka na ata. “Mukhang wala po kayong dalang payong ngayon, pa-Rizal po ako maga NCCC, gusto niyo pong sumabay?”,tanong nito sa akin. Why does it feel she’s becoming my savior? “Sure”, may choice ba ako, wala namang pasok ngayon, anong gagawin ko dito, sumayaw? “Sabi mo pa NCCC ka diba?”, tanong ko rito. “Opo”, sagot niya. “Punta na rin ako doon may bibilhin ako sa Expression”, sabi ko rito. “What a coincidence sir yun din ang pakay ko sa NCCC”. “Ganon ba” Habang naglalakad papuntang gate naalala ko na hindi siya pumasok ng Saturday. “Bakit hindi ka pumasok na sabado?”, tanong ko rito habang hawak ang payong. “Nilagnat po ako”, suddenly I got worried to her. “Okey kana?” “Opo”, every time she answers me she gives them back with a smile and her dimples. Cute I consciously said to myself. We arrive at SM, I look for the whiteboard while she looks for painting materials. “Mahilig ka magpinta?”, tanong ko rito habang pumipili siya ng acrylic paint. “Opo”, her answer then I remember the reason why she chooses HRM. Nauna na siyang pumunata sa counter at sumunod ako. “Then you must be like Art?”, tanong ko rito. I was just curious. “Yes”, sagot niya naman. “Then bakit hindi mo pinili?”, tanong ko rito and she just stay silent. “Ma’am 500 pesos po lahat”, ani ng babaeng cashier. “Ito po”, instead of answering my question she put her attention to the cashier. It’s like she pretends she didn’t hear my question or maybe she didn’t really hear it. “Sige po sir mauna napo ako sa inyo”, paalam nito sa akin with her head bowing. I notice how she greets every teacher. She always bow her head and there’s a time that I saw her helping another teacher on her way pero hindi ko pa siya kilala non. I only notice her but never knew her name. I buy what I need and to my surprise, I saw her at the exit. Naghihintay ata ng tricyle. “Anna”, tawag ko rito. “Sir”, tawag naman nito sa akin. “Pauwi kana?” “Opo”, sagot nito sa akin. “Ingat”, bilin ko rito at saka may humintong tricycle sa harap hiya. “Ingat din po sir”, she said back at me before riding a tricycle. Sinong mag-aakalang doon lahat magsisimula ang pagkakaibgan naming. It all started with that until it develop onto being a friends and into something more.