A Perfect World

It shouldn't be this way. It wasn't supposed to be this way. The room is surgical, the smell is too clean, and yet I can smell the sweat as it trickles down their faces. Some whisper apologies, they don't wanna be here. Others, others enjoy the torment, the look of satisfaction lights up their eyes from my captive state. I've been here too f*****g long. I try to remember faces of those I love, those I will find again some day. Someday, someday when I'm not strapped to a surgical bed waiting for the next donor. Until then I close my eyes and grit my teeth against my gag. They have to use the gag, I tried to bite the last person who came close to my face. I'm not sorry, I'll never be sorry. I refuse to look at them, I can't. It hurts too much. I hate this one, he's too rough, his hands are always clamy, he calls me baby and I hate it. He's one of the donors that takes pride in his job. I know he was violent in the world before. He came here willingly. He's told me too many times. His breathe is hot and there is a smell of booze and cigarettes. "Mmmm you know you're my favorite, baby. Gonna fight today?" He reaches out to touch me, I thrash against my restraints, the fire has never left my eyes, my knotted sweat drenched red hair clings to my cheeks. He's the first one I'll kill, once I'm free. It's as if an eternity passes before he's done, before he finishes his days work. "same time tomorrow," the words are like poison, it stings. The cleaners shuffle into the room handing him his robe. they start towling my shaking body dry. He is the last one every f*****g day. I will be washed, fed and sent to my quarters. Some of the other women have become compliant, others are still wild like me, still remember the world before. It takes 2 cleaners, a monitor and guard to release me from my bed restraints and transferred to my cuffs and lead. The gag was the last to be removed. We are rotated out, we're nothing more than cattle at this point ripped from our former lives and sent to do our governments distributed tasks. I stand under a shower head allowing the sweat and grime to slide off my skin. I wish I were home, in our shower with the smell of your food wafting throughout. I wonder where they've sent you, I miss you. I'm jolted to reality and handed a towel, and an oversized simple night shirt and a fresh pair of non slick hospital socks. From the showers we're headed to an all to clean cafeteria. We shuffle through the line to receive our trays. A perfectly balanced meal. I slide into my assigned seat next to a very pregnant tall blonde. "It smells funny" she states not even looking at me. While pushing the bite sized piece of chicken across her plate, "I don't want it " I look to her plate and up to her. She better try to choke it down, the monitors are watching. The food is golden and can't be wasted.