What am I doing here?

and he's talking to Bridget as if they were friends?!? That is what is on my mind. I heard he mentioned my name too so I turn around and look at them. Then my other girl classmates in the back lane are teasing Patrick that I am sexy. Not to brag, but a lot of people say that I have good posture and nice back assets. At my age, during that time I don't fully understand why they admire the shape of my body. For me, it is more like bullying when mentioning my body. That's why when I heard that I felt embarrassed. So I just pretend that I didn't hear them. Every practice for cheering competition gets me so annoyed. Patrick is always looking at me or talking to someone and mentioning my name. I DON'T KNOW WHY?! I always give him that sharp stare with rolling eyes. Then the committee for the Cheerleading competition decided that the two sections should combine to reach 30 students in each group. That is why our section will be joining section 2. Then section 2 suggested that the choreography they have practiced is the one that we are going to use. Since then all our male classmates who joined the cheering competition including Patrick got uninterested in participating in the contest. I heard that his best friend Charles said that for them all their effort in choreography becomes useless and also the cheer they made. They will no longer join the competition. Bridget, Lilian, and I continued joining the other section for the competition. Bridget is the one who always wants to join this cheerleading competition. She just encourage us to join also though I know for myself I am not a true dancer. Lilian got so excited every practice since section 2 combined with us because her crush is there, Ryan. Ryan is our classmate during our freshmen. Lilian has had a huge crush on him since they were elementary. Ryan is the type of guy who is so good-looking. He is also a smart guy. Every girl got a crush on him. Lilian is very vocal about crushing on him. Ryan is just too friendly and doesn't have any ego. He just rides along with Lilian. So every practice for our cheering competition we get the chance to talk again to Ryan. We got even close to him. Then suddenly I realized whenever I have a little chit-chat with Bridget, she is always mentioning Ryan. Like Ryan is so cute, funny and all other good things about him. So I asked her "Do you have a crush on him?" She said, "Yes, but I'm afraid to admit it because of Lilian." So from that day, we hide it from Lilian. But then we found out that Ryan is courting another girl in their section. So my two BFFs got heartbroken. Aww! Ryan is always taking the girl in our cheering practice that's why Bridget and Lilian were so annoyed. Then I saw an unfamiliar face during our practice. He looks like on a higher level than us. I found out that, that is Ryan's friend. He lives in the same compound where Ryan lives. Lilian knows him because she lives nearby to Ryan's apartment. She told me that was Jason. He is already in his 4th year. That night I dreamed about Patrick. I don't know why. I am not thinking of him. In my dream, we are in our classroom. He is wearing a checkered polo with a combination of blue, white, and green. He approached me. I don't know what are we talking about, but in my dream, I feel so happy getting close to him. Then I woke up. I said to myself "What was that?" Then I laughed at myself. Then I continue sleeping and it also continues my dream about Patrick! I don't know the place but I think it is their house. So I was there while our other classmates are also there. I felt happy again in my dream. I woke up again. This time I need to wake up because I am about to go to school. I don't know how to feel about my dream. But it feels like I'm crushing on him! I want to see him, stare at him and even talk to him! On my way to school, I don't know how to feel honestly. I want to stop myself from being excited to go to school and see Patrick but I can't! I want to see him right away! So now I'm in my classroom going straight to my chair, looking for him if he's already there. He is sitting near the door of the classroom. As I entered I don't look at his chair 'cause I don't wanna get obvious. On my chair, I saw Bridget is not yet around. So I thought she might be late. I saw her seatmate, Rose. She became our friend also. I think I can trust her too because she is a very quiet person. I asked her "Do you think Bridget is coming?" She said "I don't think so," I said to myself "Why now BRIDGET!?!" and Rose noticed that she thinks something is bothering me. That's why she asked me. I said "I know Rose you're our friend too. Can I share a secret with you?" She said, "Yes, what is that?" I said, "Uhm, I'm really shy to admit this, but I think I'm gonna explode! I think I'm crushing on Patrick?" She laughed at me. ? She said, "I thought you were having a deep problem. I'm sorry if I laughed at you." I said, "Haha! It is kinda hard to admit it. I know you see the way I treated him, I don't like him. But I don't understand after that dream I got a crush on him. Then suddenly she teases me saying "Your crush is already here!" I said, "Don't say that loud." Then Bridget didn't come to class. I sat beside Rose the whole day and was glad that the teachers didn't notice. During our class, Rose hit me on her elbow saying that Patrick is staring at me. I said, "Be careful Rose, I always hear our classmates in the back saying that one of them is Patrick is staring." Then after class, the day of practice, Bridget showed up and Ryan approached us and told me that Jason wants to meet me. He told me that Jason wants to bring me home after the practice. I don't want to. Bridget asks me why. She thought I'm interested in him. I said, "A little bit before but now, no." It is time to go home and Jason asks me so hard if he can bring me home. I stare at Bridget with an eye signal that I don't want to. So Bridget takes me and talks to me for a minute. "What is your problem, Rebecca? He just wants to know you and walk you home safely." I said, "I just don't want to. Because I am already crushing on someone." "Then who is that Rebecca?" I said, "It is Patrick." Then Bridget was stunned suddenly and said, "Ok, let's talk about that later, but for now just talk to Jason and let him bring you home. After that, you can talk and tell him that it is just you want to become friends only." Bridget and Ryan accompanied us in walking to the tricycle terminal. I can hear Ryan and Bridget having a nice conversation while I and Jason, I'm not responding to him. Then the sky turned grey feels like it going to rain. I said to Jason I can go home alone. There's no need to accompany me, I'm just going to ride a tricycle and get off in front of our house. But he is so eager to know my house. Then the rain pour heavily we all got wet. I ride in the first tricycle immediately while Jason is lending me an umbrella. I know I may be rude, I can't explain how I feel. I just don't want Jason what was doing. Then the tricycle leave. I don't know what happened with Bridget, Ryan, and Jason. The next day of class, Bridget said what is happening to me. She thought I like Jason but now Patrick. She got confused, how's that happened? Cause she honestly knows how annoyed I am with Patrick. So I explained everything to her. On another day of practice, the mentor told us that we should have stunts like lifting. I got bothered because what I visualize in cheering competition are they throwing the girls in the air. I think I can't do that. But the mentor makes it clear that we are not going to do the stunts that can harm any one of us and it is also prohibited by the Principal. He counts the male participants and they are not enough for us girls to perform the lifting stunt. Every girl has a male partner while I, Bridget, and Lilian have no one. The mentor assigned Lilian to the other stunt that is not needed to be lifted. So Bridget and I got no partners. The mentor told us if we could encourage more male participants to become our partners. Jason wants to join to become my partner in stunt but we can't allow it since he is not on our level. It is one of the rules. As we walk home, Bridget and I thought about who could join us. She suggests Patrick and Charles. I said, "Bright idea! You are going to partner with Charles and me to Patrick" I got so excited but how could we invite them? First, I am shy toward Patrick because of how I treated him before, and also I got a crush on him. I don't want to get blushed while talking to him. So I asked Bridget to tell Charles so he will tell Patrick also. When I arrived in our classroom the next day, Bridget was early and told me that he talked to Charles a while ago. Charles said that he will relay it to Patrick and will think about it. During our recess time, Bridget said she saw Charles coming from the canteen, maybe I should talk to him to convince them in joining the competition. I approached Charles and talked to him. He said he will join if Patrick will join too. I don't know why this competition is so hard for me ?. I told Bridget I will talk to Patrick after class. But I was too nervous. Bridget said she talks to Patrick and told him that I have something to tell. I know Bridget, she's a little bit naughty. I want to clear to her that she doesn't spill any tea on Patrick about crushing on him. She laughed silly at me. I put my angry face on and told her "What exactly did you tell him?!" She said "Nothing, ? it is all about the cheering. That's all! Aren't you excited talking to Patrick?" while she's pinching my side. I said, "Stop it. Alright, I'm going to talk to Patrick later." and she added "But you have to wait for him because after class he will attend his club for a meeting. He said if you could wait for him, and I said yes!" ? But Bridget will not stay with me to wait for Patrick. So I ask Rose if she could stay with me. While we are waiting for Patrick, I told Rose how excited I was and I can't stop my heart from beating so fast. And to the point that I am about to cry. Then I cried, I don't know why maybe of too much shyness or excitement. Rose told me that I was blushing. and he saw Patrick is heading towards us. I should fix my face, wipe my tears, clears my throat so I may not look like or sound like I cried. And then I faced Patrick. I said "Hi! I thought you might want to join again the cheering group for the competition?" He didn't respond immediately. I can see he is just staring at me. I cleared my throat and was about to repeat what I said when he said "Uhm, did you tell that too to Charles? If he joins again then I will join again." I said, "He said that also, that's why I'm convincing you. Bridget doesn't have a partner for the stunt, we are both girls, we can't lift each other. If it is fine with you, will you be my cheerleading stunt partner?" He said he will think about it. He is minding that all of the male students there are not his friends which is why he wants Charles to join also. I told him I will do anything just to make him join again even if I have to kneel. He responds gently, "No, no, don't do that. You don't have to." He said he will think about and try convincing Charles too if they can join again. The next day, Lilian is timely, she said she talked to Patrick about what happened in our conversation. Patrick said that he will think about it first. He also mentioned that he's starting in my eyes and he thinks that I cried. He felt pity for me because he knows how I want to join the competition. But he can't decide unless Charles decides to. Lilian said to him my eyes are just like that because I have lovely eyes. While she's narrating that she's teasing me. Bridget told her that I have a crush on Patrick. Now, they are three who tease me. Our subject teacher grouped us for an activity. Lilian and I were in one group while Rose and Bridget on the other group with Patrick. I'm afraid and nervous that Rose and Bridget will tell Patrick about our secret. And I think Lilian is also making fun of teasing me. While doing our activity our group is near Bridget's group. Suddenly something went in my eye and I can't open it. I think it is inside my eyes. I told Lilian to blow my eye to remove it. She saw it was a piece of my eyelashes that fell and went on to my eye. When it is already outside of my eye she picked it up and poke Bridget who's seating beside Patrick. And she showed Bridget that I have long eyelashes. They are doing it for Patrick to notice that I have good eyelashes. How silly aren't they? After class, they didn't stop talking about it how Patrick reacts. I saw that too, he's looking at Lilian's finger while holding a piece of my lashes and handing it over to Bridget. His face is in awe. I don't know why, is it his first time to see long lashes? After class since we were in charge of cleaning the classroom, Patrick approached me to say sorry that they will not join the cheering competition. I said, "I understand." Bridget and I got no choice but to leave the cheering competition too. Then Lilian decides also not to join. Days go by, I observe that Patrick is continuing to link to Raven. Some of my classmates said that Raven doesn't want to have a boyfriend yet and told Patrick that they can be friends only. I am confused by his actions. Or am I just assuming that he has something on me? I trust my friends, I know they tease me a lot with Patrick but I know they don't want Patrick to get a hint about it, but our whole class is asking me how do I think about Patrick? Is he a bad guy, or is he smart for me? Something like that. But I cannot understand. Are they that gossip person? Then a close seatmate of Lilian, Honey who is a little bit close to Patrick sat beside me. He noticed that I am crushing on Patrick. But I think it is more of Lilian got her obvious. She talked to me and ask "I thought you are liking Patrick? But you always showing him you're mad at him." I said, "No, it is not that I am mad. I can see that he is perfect for Raven. I know he loves Raven because I can see all his attention is on her." Honey said, "I think you have a misunderstanding." Then suddenly our teacher came. She didn't finish our conversation and I am shy to clarify it to her. Another morning in our class, there was a newspaper circulating. It is typewritten on yellow paper. It is not the official journal newspaper for our school. I think the one who made it wants to become a journalist in the future. It is one copy only that is why our classmates are fighting to read it first. Then one of my classmates Cassandra who got it first hands it to me to read one of the pages where you can send a message to someone anonymously. Because someone has a message for me. It says that he is also confused. What did he do why am I mad at him? Whatever he had done he wants to apologize and hopes that we can talk and become close friends. It has the code name "Mhafagmahal" (means a loving person) I talked to Lilian and Bridget if they read it already and I said if they know who is it. Bridget said "You don't know who is it? You don't like him at first but now I know you like him." ? Cassandra approached me again asking do I want to respond to the message? She will relay it to the writer of the newspaper. I respond by saying sorry for what he felt the way I treated him. It is just I am shy talking to him. I hope he can forgive me. I also put a code name "Mhackulet" (silly person) I wonder if my other classmates got a hint on what's going on on the anonymous sending message page of that newspaper, but I feel so excited that Patrick wants to be my friend. We were going back to the classroom after our lunch break and I saw Patrick sitting on Lilian's chair. Lilian is sitting in front of Bridget. He's talking to Aina who is sitting with Bridget in the same row. I think Patrick intentionally did that because he knew I am permanently sitting with Bridget. I think he waited for me. ? Then Aina teases Patrick, she told me that Patrick wants to talk to me instead of her. And because my BFF Lilian supports me in crushing on Patrick she told Patrick he can sit in her chair freely since it is recess time. But then I think Patrick is so shy, he just bid goodbye while waving his hands at me. I can sense that the girls at the back are so jealous of me at that time. Then it became a habit for me to check Patrick is already there or how is he doing in our class. And not to mention, I am so impressed whenever he participates in the recitation. Because of that, it made me fall for him. I don't know if that is love or merely admiration. Our teacher in science grouped us and asks us to make an experiment as our homework. I have no friends in the group that I belong to and at that time I don't have a cellphone. Our leader in the group is Raven. I told you before that she's a smart girl. I felt so kinda intimidating 'cause I know how Patrick admires her. I am nothing compared to her. I have a few insecurities. Raven just instructed us after class around 2:00 pm we will do our experiment at Rina's house. I know her house is near our school but I don't know where it is exactly. Gladly on my way to school, I bumped into Cora. She is one of the girls sitting on Bridget's back row who always chit-chatting about Patrick. I found out that she also lives near our school but she also didn't know where the exact house Rina was. I asked her if she have a cellphone and Rina's house so I can ask her location. Glad she also has. ? I think Cora was an angel that day. So like an old school, she has a phone book, I mean a phone book wherein she writes all the contact numbers and it's alphabetically ordered. ? I saw Patrick's landline number. Instead of memorizing Rina's number, I stayed focused on Patrick's number. I don't want Cora to notice that, that's why I didn't write it on a piece of paper. I just memorized it. So there I went to Rina's house to do our experiment. The next day in our class, I knew Bridget has a landline in their house. I told her that I got Patrick's number. She told me do I want to call him? I said, "No, I mean yes, but I will stay anonymously." Then she agreed with me. After our class, I went to Bridget's house to try calling Patrick's landline. I'm nervous. What if he answered the call? What am I gonna say to him? Will I stay anonymous or reveal myself? Then what will I tell why did I call? Those are the questions in my mind, but after dialing it I just said "whatever happens, I'll face it" sounds tough isn't it? Then the phone rang. Someone answered it and it is like Patrick's voice. Our conversation went like: Him: Hello? Who's this? Me: Hello? Good afternoon. Is Patrick is there? Him: Oh, Patrick. Why do you want to talk to Patrick? Me: (kinda confused) Uhm, I just want to ask about our assignment. Him: Alright, Patrick is not here, he went outside with his friends to play basketball. I'll tell him when he gets back. Me: Alright Sir, thank you. Him: Oh by the way are you his girlfriend? Me: No sir. Him: I'm just kidding. This is Patrick's father. I'll tell him when he gets back. Your name is? Me: (Am I gonna say my real name??) I'm Raven. Thank you, Sir. Have a good day! Bridget is laughing at me after I hung up. She told me why did I pretend I'm Raven. I just said because maybe they know about Raven. She said but what if Raven never calls Patrick? What if Patrick will feel excited that Raven is checking upon him? And most importantly, Raven will not ask Patrick regarding our assignment. My bad, haha! I just laughed at what I did. But I think Patrick's Dad didn't mention someone called for him. Most of the days I went to hang out in Bridget's house since they have a landline. I really wanna call Patrick. I think I this is an addiction haha! Bridget tells me I want to talk to Patrick through landline but when we are in our class I ignore him even his already at my front. I said because I didn't want him to catch me that I am crushing on him. You know how I easily get blush. So I picked up the phone again and dialed his number, but nobody's answering this time. I felt sad. The next day in our class, I was too early. Bridget, Lilian, and Rose are not yet around. I was surprised when Charles approached me and handed me a letter. Then he mumbled it was from Patrick. The letter says how he wanted to get close to me but he feels like I am avoiding him. He wants to know what he had done so he can explain himself and apologize for it. He also mentions if he can bring me home after class because there is something he wanna say in person. My heart pumps so fast in excitement. I wish I could tell my friends about it right away but they have not arrived yet. I hurriedly fold the letter and keep it in my bag. And then Bridget arrived and I saw Patrick came too. I hide my excitement so he can't see. Bridget sat down, and I whispered "Patrick gave me a letter. Don't get obvious, I don't want him to see my reactions." Then she said can she read it. I secretly passed it on to her hands. So she asked what did I respond? Am I going to allow Patrick to bring me home? And of course, she is so excited about what will Patrick is going to tell me. ? During recess time, I can see Patrick is slightly staring in our direction feeling like he is waiting for my response. Then suddenly Charles approached me again and said he needs my response to send it to Patrick. Then Bridget butt in, she said I will write a response and she will deliver it to Patrick before our class ends. After that, Charles leaves. So Bridget hurriedly said that I should make a letter. She handed me an intermediate pad. She's a very supportive friend, I know! ? So I wrote I am sorry for the things I've done if I made him feel like I am avoiding him. But it is not that. I am just shy to express myself and I don't others to see that we are getting close. I hope he gets what I mean. And I also mentioned that I called their landline yesterday cause I wanna talk to him but no one is answering. And lastly again I apologized for what I made him feel and yes, he can accompany me after class to bring me home. Bridget sends my letter to him. Patrick open it right away and read it. His reactions were so happy, Bridget said. She thinks Patrick is so excited after our class. When the class dismissed, Bridget looked at me and told me to fix myself, put some powder on my face, comb my hair a little and spray some cologne. She knows how prim and proper I am but she wants me to look more decent when I face Patrick. Then Bridget and Lilian accompanied me to Patrick downstairs. He is with Dale. While we were approaching him, I saw him smiling at me. I can't imagine how tall he is and I am just equivalent to his chest! Bridget said, "Please take good care of our friend and take her home safely." Then Patrick replied, "Yes, I will." in a gentle manner. Our house is just a walking distance to our school. I think it is 10-15 minutes only. I told him that our house is very near, we don't need to ride a tricycle. Dale accompanied us but he is in behind of us while we are talking. Then Patrick apologized again. I know he feels so anxious if I am mad at him. I just clarified that I do not. It was just a misunderstanding because of my actions. He said one of our male classmates, Edson told him that if he don't have Celina as his girlfriend he would court me. I said, "What?" while at the back of my mind I am saying "That Edson is a player." Then I responded to Patrick "I don't think that's a good idea. She already has a girlfriend." Then Patrick says, "Yeah, it is just that she finds you beautiful." Then I became quiet. I don't know how to respond. Then Dale said he has a phone pal. He got that number from someone and his phone pal sounds like a pretty girl. Patrick said, "What if she's not pretty?" Dale answered, "Well I don't know what would be my reaction." Then Patrick added, " Well for me, Rebecca is pretty." Then I stopped walking and looked at him like I am not convinced. He said it is true for him I am pretty. Then he told Dale if he can leave us for a while because he is going to tell me something. So Dale suddenly walked away. Patrick said is it ok if he is going to court me? Because he is too tall and I am shy and I don't know if I am blushing, I can't look at him straight in the eye. All I can see is his "chest". Then I started walking and he follows me and asked me if is it ok? I said, "how about Raven? I thought you were courting her? You can't court two girls at the same time and you will love who will answer you first." He said, "No, I stopped courting Raven a long time ago. She told me she cannot have a boyfriend yet. Her grandmother is strict. Her parents are working outside of the country and her grandmother is her guardian as of now. But we're still friends. But for you, I want us to be more than friends." Then I replied, "Alright I understand. Yes, you may court me but my parents are also strict. We shouldn't be caught that you are with me." So I asked him he can walk with me 'til on the corner of our street only. Since I am afraid someone will catch us I immediately walk not almost saying goodbye to him. But he called me and said, "Rebecca, bye! See you tomorrow." That time, all I know is I am happy. The next day I was more excited about going to school. I will see him again...