The Long Lost Daughter

Penelope  “Penny,” my Aunt calls as she gently knocks on my door. My Aunt Rae is the only family that I have left. She likes to consider herself a cool and hip aunt. Though she is not technically my aunt, she has never acted less than family. I know she has only the best intentions for me but sometimes she can be really annoying. I guess that is her way of making our relationship similar to that of a normal family.  “Yes Aunty I am up, we wont be needing the wash cloth to get me up this morning,” I respond rolling over in bed just in time to see her opening up the door fully.  Aunt Rae began the use of a wet wash cloth in order to drag me out of bed on the mornings where I could just not get up. I am definitely a night owl, so getting me up in the morning is sometimes a chore. She stands with her arms crossed leaning against the door frame.  My Aunt Rae is a beautiful woman who does not look anywhere near 40. She is tall compared to me, as she stands at about 5'10. She has long legs and because she is constantly on top of working out and staying fit she is toned and has incredible curves. Rae spends most days going to work, followed by the gym. I wish I had that kind of motivation to take care of myself.  “Well good, you have one hour until we need to head to school I need to be at the office early this morning for a meeting” she says as she turns to walk out of the room.  “I’ll be ready. And please Rae call me Penelope” I call after her.  "I'll start making you call me Raelynn if that is how you want to play it! You will always be my little Penny!" she yells back laughing as she descends the stairs.  We have a very relaxed relationship so Rae is okay with me calling her whatever I want so I know she is only joking. Our relationship can be compared to a friendship more than an aunt and niece relationship. Partially because she is not actually my family and it is just what works for us. However Rae knows I hate being called Penny, it is what my Dad used to call me and I don't need the constant reminder of him. She insists however that she is entitled to call me Penny because it is all she has ever called me. I let her because of all she has done for me, that does not mean I let her get away with it though.   After I know she is gone I roll back onto my back and stare at the ceiling of my very empty room. We moved to this house in Arizona at the beginning of the year. I was not at all excited about the move because it was the middle of my Senior year. However I did not have any friends or ties in Texas, so when Rae told me we would be moving to Arizona, there was no reason for me to protest. Once I graduate next week I will be moving to California to attend college anyways, so I never found it necessary to make this room feel like home.  I know that I am still up earlier than I am most mornings so I allow myself to lay in bed and let my mind wander. Every morning is different with me, most nights I don’t sleep at all. So by the time I open my eyes, feeling like I got no sleep at all, I am already ready to crawl back in to bed. Then there are the nights where my body will actually let me rest and drift to sleep. Those nights are often filled with nightmares that I can’t wake up from and when it is time for school Rae has to come in with a wet wash cloth technique. I either sleep and have a terrible time waking up or don't get any sleep and I can actually get out of bed in the morning, there is no way I can win. The next thought that wanders through my mind is the reminder that my 18th birthday is tomorrow. My birthday has always been bitter sweet because it is also four years to the date of when my Dad suddenly left. I used to love to celebrate my birthday because my Dad would always make them so special, but now it is just a bitter memory that he left with not even a second thought about me.  Growing up it was just my Dad and I. My Mother died when I was just a one year old so I have no memories of her. Dad always tried as hard as he could to give me a normal life and childhood, when I knew on the inside he hurt everyday from the loss of my mother. My Dad loved her with all of his heart and when she died he was never the same. It was as if every time he looked at me he saw me as a piece of her and it continued to eat away at him, until he seemingly could not take it anymore.   When he disappeared it was a complete shock and I remember it like it was yesterday. *Flashback* I love running home! I hate taking the bus, when I am alone and running I do not have to deal the with the annoying kids I unfortunately have to attend school with. Only one more week of school and I will officially be in high school and the bus will not even be an option for me. I plan on getting my drivers license as soon as I can! Even though today is my birthday I am especially excited to get home and tell Daddy I will be finishing my 8th grade year with straight A’s! I have been working so hard in all of my classes and I know he is going to be so proud of me. I am not naturally a great student so I had to work really hard at it.   I rounded the corner of our street and the house I have been living in my whole life comes into view and I  I notice Aunty Rae’s car in our driveway. That's strange because Aunt Rae only visits a couple weekends a month and never during the week. Maybe she was surprising me because it is my birthday. As I get closer I notice that Daddy’s car isn’t there either. Maybe he had to stay later at work.  When I open the front door I see Aunty Rae sitting at our small dinning room table with her head in her hands. Okay, something is very much wrong.  She looks up to meet my eyes and tears begin to fall down her cheeks as she signals for me to come and take the seat next to her. I don’t know what she is going to say but I know deep down that it has to do with my Dad. Before I even know what is happening tears begin to fall down my cheeks as well.  Is he hurt? Did something happen? Please tell me he is alright. The thoughts running through my head voice, but I have not yet found the courage to ask Rae what is going on as tears continue to roll down my face.   “Oh Penny don’t cry” Aunty Rae coos wiping the tears off my cheeks.  “Something is wrong. Aunty, what is it? Come on just tell me” I respond through my sobs.  “Honey, it’s your Dad. He is gone. You’re going to be moving in with me. Go pack up your stuff” she says trying to choke back her own sobs.  “What do you mean he is gone?” “He is gone and he is not coming back, we need to move on he left. It's just you and me now girly. We got this" Aunt Rae says almost trying to encourage herself and she reaches over and grabs my hand.  *Flashback Over* My Dad prepared everything. Signed Raelynn to be my legal guardian, moved all of his stuff out of the house, there was no trace of him left in my life. He took off like I was nothing. I never even got to say goodbye.  My Aunt Rae was the only one who had gotten me through that time in my life. Even when I decided that I wanted to hang up missing person signs, she took me around to all the near by cities to hang them up. After two years I stopped looking and fighting. He was gone and I was never getting him back.  Two years ago, around the time I stopped looking for my Dad, Aunt Rae and I decided that it would be a good idea if I went to therapy. It definitely has helped me move on from the dark point in my life when I no longer wanted to live. I kept thinking if my own Dad did not want me, what was the point of being on this earth? I always had a voice in my head telling me that I deserved to live, but I never listened to it. I came so close to taking my own life, when I finally broke down to my Aunt Rae because I no longer wanted to feel like that.  Therapy has helped a lot and I have a much better perspective on life. My therapist is the one who encouraged me to look forward to the life I had to live and be excited about what is to come. This look on life was better than me dwelling on the past. This is why I am so excited to get out of Arizona and to California where I will be attending the college of my dreams, the University of California.  When I look at my phone and see that I have 30 minuets before I have to leave for school I decide that it is probably time to get up. This house is small, but I am lucky enough to have my own bathroom. I even have the whole upstairs to myself because this floor consists of my room and a loft area.  Once I make it to the bathroom I brush out my long brown hair, my hair goes to right above my butt and has some natural highlights in it. I love it and never want to dye it. It is also naturally straight so I do not have to do anything but brush it every morning. I brush my teeth and do my full skin care routine. Because I take such good care of my skin I never have to wear makeup.  Making my way to the closet in my room I pick out a baggy shirt that has a lace detailing on the sleeves, a pair of skinny jeans and my chucks. I do not like to stand out, so I always trying to find clothes that will not draw attention to myself. I have a very curvy body, which at my old school would have guys always coming up to me and trying to get with me. I was clearly not interested and it was like it was a game for them, trying to get me to say yes to hooking up with them. That was definitely not my thing, which is why I always try to wear clothes that hide my curves.  My mantra for this semester was to move under the radar and get out of there as soon as possible. I have almost accomplished this goal and I am so excited. Today is Monday, I graduate on Friday, then I leave to California on Sunday.  When my Dad left he gave Aunt Rae $5,000 to help support me and get settled with the new responsibility of raising a teenage. Rae works however and did not need the money, she put it in a savings account so she could give it to me upon my graduation. That money is going to help me settle into my apartment in Ocean, California which I have already selected and qualified for. I will be furnishing it and supporting myself with what is left until I start working. I am seriously so excited to get through this week and get out of here.  After getting ready and with a little pep in my step with the knowledge that I will be leaving in less than a week, I head downstairs to make myself my normal morning protein shake for breakfast. I have never been a huge fan of breakfast, but I need something to give myself enough energy to make it to lunch. I sit at the table and drink my smoothie while scrolling through **.  Right on time I hear Aunt Rae's heels clicking down the hard wood stairs.  “Your ready girly?” She asks.  “Yes I am” I say popping up out of my seat and putting my glass in the sink. “Don't hate me but change of plans Ashley is going to be here in 5 minuets to pick you up. Josh just texted me that she was ready early and was going to come pick you up. I know I have been so busy with work and we haven't been able to chat lately. But I could use the extra 30 minuets at work this morning so I can get to the gym earlier this evening" Aunty Rae explains as she inches her way to the front door. "You talk as if I hate Ashley, you know she is my only friend here" I reply with a giggle. Aunt Rae always feels bad when she feels like she is not doing enough. She has done more for me than I can ever ask, so little things like not being the one to give me a ride to school do not bother me. I have a drivers license, and I would drive myself but I do not have a car. I plan on getting one once I make it to California and save up a bit. My apartment is close enough to a lot of places I could work and walk to until I can get a car.  Plus it is true, I do not mind hanging out with Ashley. She knows I am an introvert and that she is the only friend I have. Despite her popularity status at our school, she never fails to include me in her life. I actually became her friend was because Aunty Rae started dating Ashley’s Dad a month after we moved to Arizona. In the beginning it was easier to talk to her rather than ignoring her when we were forced to hang out. Now it is just nice to have someone in my life that knows me so well, other than Rae.   My phone rings two minuets later. It’s a text from Ashley  Ashley: Hey Bestie!! I’m outside whenever you are ready to go!! Me: Coming!! I grab my school bag and head out to her car. Before I even open the door I can hear the pop music she is blasting. When I open the door to her Toyota Corolla the music is so loud I have to cover my ears. Her short blonde hair is whipping all over the place. Both Ashley and I are short at 5'2 so when she whip's her head to the side while I am getting in the car we almost bang our heads together. Ashley quickly turns the music down and starts laughing. “I am so sorry girl! I just felt like jamming out this morning!” Ashley says through her laughs. I have no idea how this girl always has so much energy in the mornings.  “You’re good. I didn’t want to be able to hear anything for my birthday anyways” I respond sarcastically.  “Did you decide where we are eating tomorrow night? My Dad has been stressing out about your birthday for like a month now! He doesn't know what to buy you. The poor guy just wants to make your birthday special" she says as she backs out of my driveway.  “Josh doesn’t have to get me anything its just my birthday it’s nothing special" I tell her truthfully. I am not special, there is need for the people in my life to make a big deal out of this one day in the year. Ashley and I have been arguing about my opinions on my birthday for months now.  “Girl do not start with this again. You know your Aunt, my Dad and I can not wait to celebrate your birthday!” she chastises. “In fact why don’t I convince my Dad to take your Aunt out on a date tonight so you can come over and we can have some girl time!”   “Oh Ashley I don’t know it’s a school night and I am sure I have home—“ “No you don’t get to sit around and mope on your birthday we are going to celebrate you starting tonight!” Ashley interrupts.  “Fine but nothing special, just you and I hanging out okay?” I relent, because truthfully hanging out with Ashley is not that bad. It will be like every other time we have had a sleepover, which won't be solely focused on my birthday. I have been working my ass off the last four years of high school. I deserve one night off.  “You got it! I am so excited!” Ashley exclaims. I roll my eyes letting out a chuckle as we make our way to school.