Starts at Ends

9 - Flourine

Chapter IX

"Soar high like an eagle. Build your own dreams out of the shell. And never stop striving for your future."

I smiled as I heard his speech.

"Congratulations graduates! Congratulations."

We, graduates, all stood up and bowed down as Mr. Ephrazyeon Pumala; the school's Dean finished his heart-warming message.

World spins faster than yesterday, I guess.

"Coongraaatuulatioooons!"

I rolled my eyes as Zeah throw herself to me.

"Colllegeee na tayooo!"

I laughed with her expression.

"Masaya ka ba o hindi?" I hugged and congratulated Josceah and Axi as they approached us.

Fortunately, we all graduated as honour students; receiving an award. Josceah being the busiest among us got the highest number of awards sa aming apat: certificates, medals, plaque, at kung ano-ano pang package. Inilagay niya na nga lang sa paper bag sa sobrang dami. Same with Axi and Zeah.

Ako lang naman ang hindi active sa amin e. But since, I was elected as classroom president and was part of General Assembly, I got a plus award; service award. I was also given a plaque and an envelope; which I didn't open yet, for being the top leader in SHS students.

That made me shock too.

What did I do? I only follow rules and regulations or whatever they told me so; if it is rightful and justifiable, of course. And then, bang!

Oh well, then maybe that's the reason why I was given an appreciation: for being a good follower.

Hindi naman kasi lahat ng leader marunong sumunod ng batas.

Being affiliated with different organizations in school will really give you a lot of stress, responsibility and time-management problem. But, at the end of the school year, you will get your reward for all your efforts.

All your sweats, tears, pain and efforts will turn into a glorious treasure; you wished to have at the end of the day.

"Syempre masaya!"

But she's showing an expression making it contradicting to her words.

"E kasi diba magkakahiwa-hiwalay na tayo."

I smiled.

Celebrating a graduation ceremony or even recognition rites meant two phrases for me. Thank you's and Goodbye's.

"And so?"

"Anong and so?" Sigaw niya kay Axi.

"We can still see each other, Ze. Wag kang hibang."

"Huwaw!? Ako hibang?" Gulat na insulto niyang tanong.

"Oh bakit, hindi ba?"

"Grabe ka sa'kin, Ax!"

We laughed as she dramatically exclaimed.

"Gamutin na kaya kita? Medyo malala na e."

Mas napatawa at napailing kami sa hirit ni Jo.

"Napakawalang kwenta niyong kaibigan!"

I frowned while smiling.

"If I know, you're the dumbest among the group." I teased supressing my laugh.

"H-huwaw! As in, huwaw talaga! Peste kayo!"

We all bursted in laughter as she cursed us, which she often does. Patuloy lang kami sa pang-aasar kay Zeah na siyang sinusuklian niya ng irap at simangot. Naputol lang ang masaya naming pag-uusap nang dumating ang mga kanya-kanya naming pamilya.

"Congratulations achievers!"

"Thanks tito." My friends said.

"Thank you, dad." I whispered as I kissed dad's cheeks and hugged my mom as they congratulated us.

"Congrats ate!"

"Thank you baby!" I kissed and giggled her cheeks.

"Ouch, hey!"

I apologize immediately as I saw her cheeks turning to red.

"See you at the party ladies and gentle!" Mom uttered and then held my wrist as we bid our farewell to my friends.

May party na magaganap mamaya sa bahay namin. Our parents decided to hold the party at our place. Kaya't hindi ko magets ang nakabusangot na mukha ni Zeah.

"We are so proud of you honey." Dad sent his sentiments as his arm clung at my shoulder.

"I love you, dad."

"I know." He wrinkled my nose as he chuckled.

They all look good with their dress up. Dad at his usual black slacks and maroon polo paired with a leather shoes. Mom wore her red-tube dress, silver accessories and black heels. And of course, my sister Shine doesn't want to look pity, decided to cover her body with off-shoulder pink dress paired with her nude stiletto sandals.

I will never argue to my sister's fashion.

"I also got maaaannyy medals!  How about me?" Shine pouted.

We all chuckled at her silly thought. We all stop walking when Dad kneels down in front of Shine. He put his hands at the top of Shine's shoulder.

"Whether you have a medal or not, we are and will always be proud of you." He looked up to me after looking at my sister.

I smiled as those words reached to the bottom of my heart.

"It's the learning that matters, baby." Mom added.

I nodded.

"What a great sight."

Dad stood up and faced the old man who tried to join our conversation.

Oh? They are here.

"This is our graduation, of course, we're here." The jerk commented when he saw my amused face.

Yeah right. Of course they are here. Boplaks.

"Congratulations Shaddowe."

"You are really a Fernan." She looked at my hands holding my awards.

"Thank you po." I smiled at his parents when they praised me.

"Kanino nagmana?" Mr. Salazar teasingly asked.

I looked at my parents as they glanced at each other. Silly. They just laughed and didn't utter a word.

"Ayokong magsalita tungkol diyan." Pabirong usal ni daddy.

My parents also congratulated and give the jerk a compliment.

"We better continue our chitchat later?"

"You better visit us tonight?" My mom invited them directly.

No way.

"You're okay with it son?"

I glanced at him and tried to communicate telepathically as he was asked by his father. But since he is a jerk, he didn't listen as I plead.

"Sure! After our party, pa." He smirked at me as I rolled my eyes.

Whatever.

And so I thought as I will leave this school, he will also disappear in my life, hindi pala. I was actually happy back then na hindi kami pinagtatagpo ng landas. Sa cafeteria, library, laboratories and even sa classroom nila, I can't find him. I often catch time there with Axi and never on those times I had seen him. But it's not that I am looking for him. No and never. Even in our retreat class, we never crossed paths, which is favorable in me.

Marahil ayaw niya ang mapaglarong ngiti ni Jo and Zeah everytime we saw Axi and him occupying same space in a room. Oh well, I can't blame my friends.

If you'll ask what happened to the sudden disappearance of rumours around the school regarding their scandal, then don't. Kasi hindi ko masasagot. Basta bigla na lang siyang hindi pinag-usapan sa school. And when we tried to open up the issue, marami sa kaklase ko ang umiiwas.

Maybe someone pulled some tricks to kill the issue. Who knows?

"Coongraatulatioons!"

"Wow, is that my gift from you?" I looked at the paper bag she was holding. A big one. I wonder what's inside.

"Inuna mo pa yung regalo kesa sakin?"

I was astounded by the gift that I forget to greet her.

"Sorry." I hugged her tightly. "Thank you."

"Tse! Oh regalo, mas mahal mo yan kesa sakin e."

I chuckled and get the gift she handed me. Tatanungin ko sana siya kung ano ang laman but then I thought that would make me senseless. Bubuksan ko rin naman.

"Reanly!" My mom approached ate Rean and they greeted each other. While they were busy talking, I checked her gift for me.

I always received gifts from ate Rean. May okasyon man o wala. Kaya't hindi ko alam kung bakit sobrang excited ko na mabuksan 'tong isa to. She always surprises me with her gifts kasi.

"Woah, ano yan?"

I instantly put the gift away from him.

"Don't you dare." I hissed.

"Wow. Parang nagtatanong lang."

"I also have one for you Axi, don't worry."

Iwww!

"Alam ko namang mas mahal mo talaga ako kesa kay Shad, ate e. Thank you!"

Tumawa si ate Rean nang umaktong parang bata si Axi.

Suyaon.

I left them at the pool side and went to my room. I decided to open it later kasabay ng ibang gifts. I locked my room's door as I put my gift inside.

I placed my two elbows at the railings at the left side of the corridor and looked down.

There I saw different faces, mostly are not familiar with me. Mom and Dad invited all of them. They paid a visit and came to celebrate with us. But I didn't see that they are here to congratulate me. I can say that I only have four visitors whose really here to be with me.

What would I expect? My parents are into business. Business made their life perfect, I guess? So that's why they always find ways to look for assets in every occasion. For them, all people that surrounds you, are your friends.

Business and friends. I don't find it correlated. Friends? I wonder how many friends you can truly consider in a business world.

Oh well, what do I know about business?

"Where's your daughter?"

I heard an old woman asked my mom. She must be pertaining to me.

"She's with her friends." Magalang na ani ni mommy.

I fixed myself and went down to show myself to her. I don't wanna be rude. Even though I don't care and hate business, still I want to show some respect.

"Good evening po."

"Oh, hey sweetie! This is Ms. Saqur, maam, this is Shaddowe, my eldest."

"Mano po." I bowed down and gestured her right hand at my forehead.

I miss lola and lolo. Sadly, they can't come and join the party. Nasa kanila rin si Shine kaya malamang walang nangungulit sa amin ngayon.

"I will be glad if you'll say you still remember me." She smiled as she looked at me, head-to-toe.

"Of course, madame." She laughed as I responded.

We once met at the park last year, ata? She lost her wallet while buying a street food. I was buying an ice cream beside the stall where she's buying. I saw her state and then insisted to help. Wala siyang kasama that time, kaya she was grateful back then that someone helped her.

"I didn't know you knew each other."

"Oh well,"

We chuckled as response.

"You're daughter is very kind darling."

I was taken aback by her tribute. Hindi ako sanay sa mga ganyang salitang ibinabato sa akin. Specially with someone who I only met for once.

"You build her lovely!"

My smile faded quickly as she added her sentence.

"You're not just a loving wife with Christopher, you're also a great mother, Selena. I'm so proud of you, you build your family in a warmest way.

Mom looked at me awkwardly. I faked my smile as Madam Saqur took a gaze at me.

"May I excuse myself?"

"Yeah, sure. Congratulations, by the way."

They both nodded as a response. I smiled once more with the maiden when she tapped my shoulder. Hindi na ako tumingin sa gawi ni mommy at lumabas na lang ng bahay namin. I unconsciously walked towards our backyard.

You build her lovely.

You're a great mother.

I shook my head as those words echoed at my system.

"What's with the face?"

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad. I sighed as I met her worried face.

"Gutom lang." The worried face of ate Rean changes into a teasing one.

"Oh tara, kumain na tayo! It's nine in the evening oh, you haven't eaten yet?"

I shook my head as an answer. I actually ate earlier. Ayokong mabisto no, mahirap pa naman kumawala sa mga tanong niya.

"Kain na lang tayo."

I nodded and fake a smile.

"Mababasa akoo Axiiiii!"

"Ano baa! Baklang to!"

I looked at my friends enjoying the water pool. And as usual, they wore their best summer attire. Two piece and shorts.

Kita mo na, parang kanina lang ang drama ni Zeah.

I seated next to ate Rean at the bench near the pool side.

"What's your plan then?"

I heaved a sigh as I heard her question. College life. Dreams. Future. Here we go again with that topic.

"I don't know."

I heard her sigh. I sighed too, again. Parang ang dami ko atang nabubuga na carbon dioxide ngayong araw?

"Ano nga ba?" I asked myself.

I wonder what could be my life now if she was here.

"Your birthday." I stopped swaying my foot and blinked.

I knew she will talk about that.

The last time we talked about that thing, it ended in dire atmosphere. After that confrontation, I mean after I fainted, I woke up at the hospital. Mom and Dad rushed and even cancelled their meetings when they heard the news. The doctor said I must rest and take a break. They sent me to hospital because aside from the fact that I lost my consciousness, I had a high fever also.

Then maybe that was the reason why do I felt something's off?

They said it was over-fatigue. E, wala nga akong ginawang nakakapagod sa araw na yun e.

"Ano ba kasing nangyari? Anong ginawa niyo Axi?"

The three of them looked pity when my mom started to ask them. Luckily dad was there to calm her and stopped scolding my friends.

"You don't remember anything?"

"I- I saw a shadow sa may labas." I tried to recall what happened that night.

"I even heard a sound." I explained to them. "An unfamiliar sound. Y-yung nakakakilabot." I worriedly looked at dad.

"What sound? And what- a shadow?" Mom confusingly repeated my words.

"And then you don't remember anything after that?" Dr. Ramirez asked.

I looked at my friends beside my hospital bed. They look horrific, shock and confuse at the same time.

I slowly shook my head defensively trying to recall the scenario I was in a while ago. "I-I do-"

"It's okay, don't pressure yourself hija." I raised my head up as I hear the doctor's words.

"Maybe later or tomorrow you can put on to your mind what really happened." He handed the paper to his nurse and a receipt to Dad. "Ang importante maayos na ang lagay mo. Take care of yourself and drink your meds, okay?"

We did what the doctor said. I was saved by that excuse, thanks to him. After that, we didn't talk about that thing again. I remembered what happened, I just lied.

But tonight. There's no one who can save me anymore. I know I can't lie forever. Badly, I considered lying as an exercise. But I can't help it. I can't tell them the truth.

"You can neve-"

"Sure."

I smiled at her as I interrupted her sentence. I want to laugh with her expression. I was also astounded when I say yes but the past slowly hunting me, and I was left with only one option. Face the truth.

"We w-will celebrate your birthday?" Kumurap siya ng ilang beses habang nakahawak sa dalawa kong braso.

"Pwede na!?"

And now I can't really help myself but to laugh. Her face was epic!

"Don't laugh kid. Ano, oo, pwede?"

I nodded.

"Like your birth date? Sa mismong kapanganakan mo?"

Gosh, what's with her?

"Oo nga, ang kulit mo."

"We will -"

"Exactly April 17. Not April 12 or any days before and after April 17." I smile while nodding. "Yes."

Zeah's comment is somehow true. I mean, I celebrate my birthdays with my family only. And with my closest friends of course. But not exactly on the date when my mother gave birth after bearing me. For over nine years that had passed, I always enjoyed my birthday with her, alone.

"Omyghad!" She jumped out of joy at her seat that causes her to capture attention. I laughed.

"Ang oa."

"Sure na yan?"

No. "Yes."

"Yeeess!"

I heard another scream from by back kaya napatingin ako rito. At ganun na lang ang gulat ko nang makita ang mga impakta kong kaibigan na malaki na ang suot na ngiti sa kanya-kanyang labi

"Yeheeey!"

Mga chismosa.

They were really happy to hear my announcement. Lahat ng tao sa bahay na bisita nila mommy ay sinabihan nila na dumayo.

Mga walang hiya. Akala mo naman sila magpapakain. And with that kind of scene, mom and dad quickly heard the good news.

"You sure with this? We are not pressuring you here sweetie."

I chuckled. "You are overreacting, Christopher!"

"I'm serious. You sure about this?" 

"Yes dad. You're here naman e."

"I'm sorry." He hugged me and caressed my back.

I'm sorry.

I smiled bitterly.

"I'm fine."

He scrutinizes my eyes which made me nervous.

"C'mon dad! Ayaw mo ata e?" I looked away and made an excuse.

"Fine!"

He held my chin and faced me seriously- but still I can see that his worried. I hold his cheeks and rubbed slightly my nose to his nose. And then voila! He laughed heartily.

I miss that kind of laugh.

"Great." He was convinced.

"Let me just entertain your visitors."

I nodded and waved my hand teasingly. I hope this will help me move forward.

"Seriously? A birthday party?"

I looked at him, emotionless, as he mocked.

"Never pa ba sila naka attend ng birthday mo at ganyan sila maka-react?"

I looked at my crazy friends as they danced joyfully at the pool side with the visitors.

"Wiiilaaabyuuu Shaaaad!"

I restrained my smile as I heard their shouts.

Parang mga tanga.

"Akala ko ba bestfriend mo sila? Why you didn't invite them?"

I gave him a dagger look as he commented.

Ang judgemental!

"What? I'm just asking, not judging."

Whatever.

I went to my friends' side and joined their trip. It's past eleven in the evening when I decided to change my clothes into a swim wear, not the vulgar one.

I was actually wearing my black knee-length dress earlier. Yes, a dress. Mom insisted so.

Some of the visitors left already the venue, including ate Rean; she's a busy person. Mabuti nga't nakadalo siya sa selebrasyon ngayon e.

"You are not that rude aren't you?"

I heard him sarcastically praised my attitude as I left him at the bench. I didn't tell him to follow me here.

"Naks. Lumalapit ka na samin ngayon Rayl?" Zeah teased him.

"Uh huh?" He playfully smirked.

"Naaaaooool, gaaay kiiiisssseeer!"

We all laughed with Zeah's remark. Binatukan tuloy siya ni Axi na siyang katabi niya. We all seated at the stairs in the pool side, since the staircase is kinda huge, nakasya kaming apat. I dipped my half-body as I took the place at the last step of the stair.

"Naol, iiwan ng jowa." Axi retorted which made silence covered the pool.

"Why? Break na kayo?"

I didn't know that thing ah.

"What!? Break agad Shad!"

My mouth formed an "o". Sorry.

"Khent passed the entrance exam sa Ateneo de Manila. That's why she's acting like that kanina pa. Yung drama niya kanina sa hall? No ah ah, it's not about us, it's all about his freaking handsome boyfriend." Jo whispered to me.

She's sitting at the step higher than me while playing my curly-hair strands.

"Kaya pala."

"How about you Rayl? Saan ka magco-college?" Zeah diverted the topic.

"CIT pa rin."

I looked at him as he answered.

"Ayaw mong lumipat ng school?"

He was swimming at the center of the pool; in front of us. Lahat kami nakaupo, siya lang yung naglalaro sa tubig. Hindi man lang tumigil sa kakalangoy. Ang bastos talaga kahit kailan.

"You're gonna take engineering?" Sigaw na tanong ni Zeah sa kanya.

"Yup, civil!" He shouted as a reply.

"E, si Theya?"

Napataas ang kilay ko sa tanong ni Axi. Abala ang dalawa ko pang mga kaibigan kakalaro sa tubig kaya hindi nila ito narinig.

"Ayaw mo mag take over ng business niyo, Rayl?"

Nakita kong umiling ang lalaki sa tanong ni Jo. Medyo nainis ako dahil kailangan pang sumigaw ng mga katabi ko para lang marinig niya.

"Can you stop playing and talk to us properly?" I tried to talk casually, as if I am not pissed by his attitude.

Para naman hindi sumisigaw tong si Zeah na ngayo'y nasa tabi ko na. Ang sakit pa naman sa tenga ng boses niya no.

And the fact that, he's not paying attention to Zeah makes me more pissed off.

I hate it when someone's not paying attentively to the person they are talking to. It's being disrespectful kaya!

He halted and faced us- me. Lumapit siya sa harapan ko at inayos ang basa niyang buhok. I gulped. I can now sense his scent giving me a sudden anxious effect on my system.

"I didn't know you want my attention."

"I didn't know you're a deaf." I raised my brow and tried not to stutter.

"At tsaka, wag ka ngang lumapit!" I gestured my hand shoo-ing him.

He's topless for atom's sake!

"Sila Zeah yung kumakausap sayo, sa kanya ka humarap."

Good thing, umatras siya kaagad.

"Wala naman akong makikita sayo." His eyes landed at my chest and went back to my face.

"At talagang!" Sinabuyan ko siya ng tubig dahil sa inis. Manyak!

"Joke." Pambabawi niya.

"-s are half meant." Zeah inserted.

Hinarap ko si Zeah at Jo nang tumawa sila. "Tawang-tawa kayo, e no?"

"Alangan namang umiyak kami, diba? Ano kami-"

"Ikaw!?"

Malakas silang tumawa sa katarantaduhan nilang dalawa. Sinamaan ko sila ng tingin pero patuloy pa rin sila sa pagtawa kaya nagsimula kaming magbatukan.

"Mapanakit ka masyado!" Tatawa-tawang usal ni Ze habang sinasangga ang mga palo ko.

"Hayaan mo na Ze, hala ka, baka bigla yang umiyak, sige ka."

"Tungstena niyo!"

Pumagitna sa amin si Axi nang hindi matigil sa pagrarambulan sa isa't-isa.

"Tama na nga yan! Nagkakasakitan na kayo oh, tingnan niyo braso ni Jo, namumula na."

Napatigil naman kami dahil sa sinabi niya. Medyo napatawa pa nga nang mapansin ang mu-munting kulay sa mga braso at batok namin.

"Chos mo, bakla ka! Gusto mo lang sumali e!"

At dahil nga may tupak si Zeah, binasa niya ng tubig si Axi at ayun! They do the wrestling under the water. Jo joined Zeah on pushing Axi underneath the cold water. I distany myself and witnessed how happy they are.

Mga isip-bata talaga minsan.

I watched them the whole time while smiling. Ang galing ng mundo no? It gives us a melancholic feeling when we are down and it also gives us a moat heart-warming sensation we all wishes to have 'til forever.

And I'm happy. I am trying to be one. But why do I still feel the emptiness inside?

Ironically how I mentioned about contentment last time, yet I don't know how to be contented.

"Live your life to the fullest, ika nga."

Naputol ang pag-iisip ko nang may magsalita. He looked at me intently. Tumabi siya sa akin, one-half meter away, and then gave me a smile that I envy most of him.

I was confused and amazed by his sudden talk. But instead of arguing, this time, I tried to stare at his eyes longer than before. I don't know. I felt something I must not feel towards him.

"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal." He smiled.

The kind of smile I've witnessed before.

"Not to people or things. If you want to live your life, fully. Then learn how to love yourself and be happy for what you are and what you have."

I blinked as he continued his phrase. Pinagkunotan ko siya ng noo.

"Nabasa ko kanina sa libro."

"Oh." I thought he knew something.

He smirked. "Your friend were quite right, andrama mo."

I just rolled my eyes with his statement. When he felt that I am not going to talk or argue with him this time, he quickly finished the drink that was handed by the waiter at him earlier and joined my friends' trip.

"Oh please, don't make a scandal here!"

"Ze, nakakadiri ka!"

"Huwag mo 'kong artehan, bakla ka!"

"Don't you dare test my temper, Alezeah."

"Oh bakit? Hindi naman ako takot."

I pulled away my sight at them and diverted it at the sky. I can't stay longer and watch their faces smilingly, beautifully.

I am not ready and too afraid to get hold of their smiles. I am scared that one day they will lose the shining glitters on their eyes. I can't afford to witness how the brightness of their stars turn into a dull one.

I don't want them to feel the darkness of the world. I don't want to see them aching.  I'm afraid they will experience weeping repeatedly in silence, like how I was broken and dumb-founded when I lose my eyes' luminousness.