Lost Once, Redeemed Twice

Chapter 4 - Why?

CURY'S POV

Every day for the past 2 years, I've always found myself in this beautiful scenery. I don't know why I always come here. It's like something is pulling me on this cliff. I always find it relaxing though, especially whenever I'm tired and burned out from work. I don't know how I found this place. I don't remember going here but, it felt familiar. It is a beautiful cliff where sunset can be seen as well as the waves and sometimes the calm, endless ocean. At night, the stars are clear. It's breathtaking. I once came here in the middle of the night because of a dream I've been having. I saw this place in my dream. I don't know why, but I find this place like home. I don't remember most of my memories yet. I only remembered my parents as well as my childhood excluding the time when I was in my junior years until after I was diagnosed with a tumor. My parents told me that it's already been five years after that diagnosis and I was doing well today.

Most of my time was spent working my ass off for the past year. I've been restless after I was cleared of a tumor. It's been 2 years, but I still don't remember most of my memories. There are only faint images showing, but when I try remembering it, my head hurts so I stop doing it.

There was this time that I was in my office when I had the sudden urge to go to the cliff for the first time, so I drove there. I don't know how, but I knew the way. When I was there, I felt dumbfounded by the scenery. It was breathtaking.

'Why am I here?'

'Is there something special happened here?'

I kept asking myself about these things when, suddenly, a faint image of a woman appeared in my head. She's laughing. I felt suffocated after that. My heart tightened that it hurt so much so as my head so I ran to my car and drank the medicine to suppress the pain.

It was the first time I remembered a faint image, so I was hoping for more, but nothing happened after, so I went home and promised that I would return to that place when I had time.

That's the time I kept going there even in my dreams.

I tried remembering other things starting that day, but only faint images of memories of my childhood are seen. The image of the woman didn't appear again but I was still hoping for it.

_______

It was the weekend today and I'd planned this day to be with Iris, my doctor who I've been dating for a year now.

"Hey." I looked up and saw Iris leaning on the door. She was my doctor from surgery until I recovered. She's the one who helped me all throughout my tumor journey. She was the one who never get tired of me when I was still hospitalized. I acted childish at that time, which was when I thought today was funny.

Smiling, "Hey baby. Why are you here and how's work?" I stood up to meet her. She slowly walked towards me and engulfed me in a tight hug and she kissed me on my lips. I love her but I somewhat found myself questioning the sincerity of my love because most of the time when I kissed her, I felt empty. I tried asking experts I knew about this and they told me that,

"you have memories that your heart only remembers" I tried asking how and why's but they ended up telling their beliefs and the like...

"I think you're still attached to your ex-lover or someone dearest to you", so on and so forth. I don't know if I will believe them. It's confusing, but for now, I have Iris and I will cherish her.

"I just want to see you. You're so busy that you forgot about me." She said, pouting. I saw sadness in her eyes but she quickly covered it with her charming smile.

"I'm sorry about that babe. I was getting so engrossed with these papers that I forgot the time." I replied, hugging her lovingly.

We were standing near the glass where we saw tall buildings everywhere. I also saw tiny cars driving below.

"As always, tsk." I kissed her neck and smelled her hair.

"I'm sorry, doc. This will not happen again. To earn your forgiveness, I want to show you something." I held her hand as we exited my office.

"Where are we going?" She asked, confused, but still held my hand while walking to the elevator.

"This is a surprise." She was grinning now as I said surprise.

"Wow! I'd never thought you'd be into surprises. What happened to your head?" She jokingly examined my head while laughing.

"Babe, stop it. It's embarrassing. There are people looking at us." I said as my ears felt hot because of embarrassment. We were in an elevator with 5 people including us. She laughed at me. She kissed me after exiting the elevator. I led her to my car, opened her door and I jogged to the other side once I ensured she already had her seatbelt.

"I found this place a month ago and I would like to bring you there. It will take two hours to drive so we need to buy food on the way," I said as I turned to her. She nods understandingly.

"Okay." We drove for half an hour when I saw a drive-thru restaurant nearby. I immediately pulled in on line. We waited for almost thirty minutes when we reached the drive-thru lane.

"Hello, Sir. What can I get for you?" asked the cashier.

"Hi. We'll be ordering a full meal with ice tea as drinks and also burgers and fries. Thank you!" We waited for another 30 minutes for the preparation and service of our food and we drove off.

It took 2 hours and 30 minutes to arrive at our destination.

"Wow! This is breathtaking. I loved it here." Iris said while I guided her to the beach below the cliff. I didn't bring her onto the cliff because I felt like it was too special for me. I felt like someone had brought me there in the past. It was really weird feeling this way, but never mind.

"Am I forgiven?" I asked her as I hugged her from the back.

"Hmmm... Let me think for a second." She replied giggling, so I kissed her neck and started telling how I found this place.

"I found this place a month ago, accidentally. The first thing I thought of seeing this was you, so I planned on taking you here during my free time." I said, scratching the back of my neck. I was nervous because I really found this place a year ago when it was the third time I found myself on the cliff, so I decided to explore it and I found this beautiful beach below, though on top, it was breathtaking.

"Wow! Really? Thank you babe! This will be my favorite spot from now on." She ran freely but she walked back when she noticed I wasn't running with her, so she held my hand and we walked. It took us almost half a day in that place. She was fun to be with. She's simple and I love her for that. I know I was lying to her on some things but I can't tell her all the reasons until I was sure about it.

"Well now, this will be our dating place. We can come here whenever we want." She was overjoyed. She lunged at me and kissed me.

"I love you so much, Cury." She said after our kiss. I can't bring myself to reply to her because I can't breathe.

"I..."

"Cury? What's wrong?" She took my hand and she told me to sit down on a rock. I sat down. She already knew what to do.

"Calm down. Breathe. 1.... 2.... 3..." I breathed slowly and I was glad I didn't faint in that. I don't really know why I reacted like that whenever she said those words. It's been a year since we became official, but I can't bring myself to say those three words to her aside from the time she said yes to me. She was mad at first but she understood, later because she concluded that I have a sort of bad memory about it, though I felt it's not that, but I agreed anyway.

"I'm sorry babe. I was panicking again. Where were we? I'm sorry", I placed a kiss on her forehead.

"It's okay. Do you want to go home now?" She asked worriedly.

"No, I'm already fine. Sorry for interrupting your happiness." I held her hand and kissed it.

"It's okay babe. Don't worry. Before anything else, why not we eat first? I'm already hungry." She helped me stand up and we walked to my car to bring out the food we ordered on the way. We ate silently engrossed in our own world.

'Why do I feel this way whenever I reply that three word to her.? I felt like I was cheating.' I thought while eating. I was a mess myself. I want to remember everything badly.

After eating and walking for a couple of minutes, we decided to go home. I sent her to her condo and I drove to the cliff, again.

"Why? Why do I feel this way? Why can't I love Iris fully? Why can't I say 'I love you' to her? Why? Did I have a bad memory of someone? Did I hurt someone?" I screamed loudly. Why?

I sat on the rock feeling devastated. I felt broke and I don't know why. I let my tears flow slowly as I tried remembering everything but I only heard a voice and faint images of a girl. I tried looking at her but my eyes are getting blurry and my head started hurting again.

's**t. Here we are again, with this headache.' I held my head as I cried helplessly. After I felt like eternity, I decided to go home. I was really exhausted for the day.

_______

It's been a week since that happened and here I am at my office working my ass off. The voice and the faint images have kept on making me awake for a week now. I looked like a zombie.

"Bro, you look like shit." Said Garrett, my bestfriend who's also a s**t like me. He was left by his fiancee a year ago, so he has never had a serious relationship since then, because he said that all women don't deserve to be loved, which I always counteracted.

"You look like s**t yourself." I replied, not taking my eyes from the paper I was reading.

"Bro, stop acting like you don't have any more time. You're always holed up in this office. Aren't you bored or even stressed? You almost live here." He told me as he walked and patted my back. "We should hangout often. Come on, I'll show you to a place where we can find happiness." He pulled me up.

"No, Garrett. We ain't going anywhere. I'm working."

"Yeah yeah. You're working. So what? This paper can wait but your brain and body can't. You need something to help you relax. Forget about these things for now, okay?" I suddenly thought of the things keeping me awake at night, so I decided to agree with him for me to forget about it, even only for hours.

"Okay okay. Wait for me here. I'll change first." I walked to my room, an extension of my office. Once I walked out, we went to a bar an hour away from my office. It was jampacked with people looking for fun.

"Come on, we'll be sitting in that corner." He said, pointing at the far end, table. "I know you hate many people but you love to observe and watch them, so I chose that place. No one will disturb us there," he added. We prefer open space in bars like these because I felt suffocated in closed rooms.

We walked to our table and we ordered drinks. Hours later, we heard commotions.

There I saw a lady getting bullied and harassed by a man who seemed drunk. I decided to help her not until a woman appeared.

"Hey! Why hitting a girl too drunk to resist?" She shouted angrily.

"As you said, she's too drunk to resist, so why not grab the chance, but since you're here and, is also hotter than her, why not come with me?" he said grinning, which made me angry. I stood up and before I could take a step, the woman punched the guy's face and kicked his balls, which got him rolling on the floor. I was left in awe, like Garrett.

"You still wanna try me? Go ahead!" She said, smirking.

"I'm gonna kill you b***h!" He yelled, rolling on the floor trying to stand up, but he clearly couldn't.

"Do it now if you can!" She yelled, laughing.

"Whoooah man. She's so hot. She's a badass." Garrett said, admiring the woman.

I kept looking at that woman. She seemed familiar to me, but I don't know where I saw her. I tried remembering but I couldn't. My head is hurting. I looked at her again and saw that she was with a man. She whispered something into that man's ear which made me furious. I don't know but I felt jealous.

I clutched my heart. I felt pain. It's like I was heartbroken even if it's not. I sat down quietly and not letting Garrett see my reactions.

"Man. She's hot. I'm gonna get her number." Said Garrett, but before he was able to stand up, I quickly grabbed his arm. "What?" He looked down at me.

I suddenly reasoned out that I was feeling dizzy and my head hurt, so he sat down.

"Man, what happened? Are you okay?" He knew what I had gone through. He became my bestfriend when I was healing from my tumor three years ago. His brother is also a tumor patient, but sadly, he passed away exactly when he met me.

"No, I'm not. I'm going home." I stood up and walked through the exit. He followed suit while murmuring 'I almost got her'. I laughed at him. 'In your dreams', I said in my head. I don't really know why I think and react like that.

When we were in the parking lot, I saw her carrying the drunk woman. The man helped her put the woman in the car and they drove off.

When I was at home, I tried googling what happened in the party and there were results shown.

"So, she's a famous woman? Hmmm... Oh! She's also known as Badass queen. No wonder she can beat that guy even in public."

"I must admit, she's hot.... but scary!" I said while smiling just thinking of her. When I noticed my reaction to the news, I suddenly went stiff.

"What am I doing? This is clearly stalking and cheating. Dammit!" I turned my laptop off and went to sleep. Once I laid down, my eyes felt heavy and I dosed off. That was the best sleep I've got in years.

When I woke up the next morning, I was feeling refreshed. I woke up very late but I didn't mind. It was a good sleep. It's almost evening. I looked at my phone and saw missed calls from Iris, my parents and Garrett. I immediately video called them one by one, starting with my parents.

"Hey mom." I said as she picked up the phone seconds after it rung.

"Son, you made us worry too much. We almost called the police because you have not picked up your phone since yesterday night. We were in Italy today and I couldn't get there. That's why I called your girlfriend as well as your friend to check on you." She said breathlessly.

"Mom, I'm okay. I just slept the whole day. I'm sorry." She sighed after.

"Oh God, thank you. I didn't know what to do if something happened to you again." I nodded at her.

"Don't worry mom, I'm fine. Still breathing and kicking." I laughed. She just shook her head. We talked a little more and we hung up after she bid goodbye because she still has meetings after.

Next, I called my girlfriend and informed her that I had slept the whole day. That's why I didn't answer any of her calls. She didn't know where I permanently lived because I didn't tell her, but she knew my other condo. I just didn't want her to intrude into this place because I didn't know why, but I felt the urge not to let any woman here.

When I video called Garrett, he was also worried but I assured him that I was fine.

"Man, did you sleep the whole day? That's new!" He said in awe. I really didn't sleep that much, only today.

"I don't know, but I felt light and refreshed. I felt relaxed after waking up," I said while cooking.

"That's good, man. You finally have the rest you need. By the way, have you called your girlfriend and your parents? They're worried sick about you."

"Yeah. They're always my priority. You know that." I said, smirking.

"Whooaaah whoooaah! So you're saying that I'm nothing to you? Ouch! My heart!" He said, clutching his heart like he was really hurt.

I rolled my eyes at him. He's a dramatic lunatic.

"Bro. Stop acting. It's gross," I replied.

We talked a little more.

After all the calls, I went with my usual routine. I ate alone, read the latest issue in the newspaper, browsed online and asked my personal assistant, on call, to check my schedule.

"Hey, Jordan. What's my schedule for today?" Jordan has been my personal assistant for 2 years now. He been with me after he finished college. He knew me personally and professionally.

"Good evening, Sir. As per my notes, you have a meeting with Mr. James at 7pm in Stanley Bar. You're free after. Your meetings earlier were cancelled. When do you plan to reschedule it, Sir?" He said on the other line.

"Thank you, Jordan. I'll let you know when I have the time to do those meetings. For now, I have something to do. Inform Mr. James that I'll meet him at the bar later."

"That's noted, Mr. Anderson. Take care!" I nodded at him as if he saw me.

"Okay?" and I hung up.

An hour before my meeting with Mr.James, I found myself driving to my favorite destination, the cliff.