Lost Once, Redeemed Twice

Chapter 3 - Hurt

After all those years, after all those efforts, loneliness and craziness, he's finally here. I wasn't prepared seeing him in this unexpected place of all places. He left me all alone. I was devastated and no one was there for me. Where was he? I don't know. I was used to everything he did but everything was gone and done. I hoped for this day earlier but now, I only pray that it shouldn't happen at all. My heart, that is healing, was not only once broken but it also shattered into bits.

I was looking at him and I could no longer see in his eyes the longingness, warmth an love the way he used to look at me. His eyes felt like a blank sheet, empty. It's void of any emotions.

'I shouldn't have been here in the first place. He forgotten about me. What did I expect? 5 years is long enough. He left me hanging and I didn't even think that we'd no longer know each other once he's back.' I laughed bitterly at myself.

I admit at first that I was hoping he was back because he was looking for me, but seeing his eyes showing confusion and alienation, when I looked more into it, it dawned in me that all was over. He didn't love me anymore like he used to. Like he promised. I didn't know what had happened to him after those 5 years and I won't like to know it anymore.

'Starting today, I swore to never hope unless there is. I admit one last time that I once loved, was left all alone and felt empty for years, but I promise, I will rise stronger and build my own empire that no one can bring down.' I said in my mind as I stared at him.

I was crying seeing him 5 meters in distance. It was like watching 5 years of my life. How absurd.

'I hate you, Ry. I've waited and hoped that you'd be back because I felt it, but seeing you looking at me like this today felt like I was stabbed in the heart multiple times, more than I imagined.'

I cried until I felt numb from all the pain he caused me, so I wiped my tears and smiled at him like my first time seeing him. His eyebrows met. I don't know but seeing him like this felt like I was crumpled, so I decided to leave the place and I will never return to that cliff anymore. Stella and Ry were gone. Our love story is done.

I looked back one last time and said silently, 'I love you, Ry, and goodbye! I hope we'll never cross paths again, even in the afterlife.'

While driving, I couldn't think of anything other than his face, so I decided to park at the edge of the bridge where we used to walk side by side when we're done appreciating the cliff.

I cried while I sat where I used to before.

"Why did I hope for that impossible thing to happen even after years of not seeing him?"

"Why did I hope that we'd be together again after all that happened?"

"Why do I need to be hurt again? Why?"

After crying for minutes, I decided to drive home, to release all my pain. I went directly to my room to cry, again.

Knock knock!

"I know you're there, Ella. Open the door. What happened? I was calling you earlier but you're not responding. You didn't even look at me. You're walking like a robot." Said Sophie on the other side of the door. I didn't respond as she kept on knocking. I don't care about everything. I just want to cry and sleep and never wake up again.

Minutes later, she was able to open the door.

"I found the duplicate key in the cupboard. Sorry!" She was about to say something more when she saw me staring blankly at her, hugging my pillow with puffy red eyes. She walked to me and hugged me tight. She didn't need to know what happened because she knew me. I will never cry about simple things. The only thing or we should say, the person who made me cry was him. As she hugged me, I burst into tears all over again, remembering the pain of losing the love of my life, my parents and him.

"What happened, Ella?" It's only one question, but I can't bring myself to share what had happened. I opened my mouth but there was nothing coming out. My voice was stuck in my throat. All I can make is a whisper sound.

After hours of crying, I was able to tell her what happened and how it turned out.

"I was on the cliff earlier, questioning the air and remembering the good times when I felt someone staring at me. I felt goosebumps all over, so I looked around and I saw him. I blinked multiple times to see if he was real. I even rubbed my eyes and pinched myself if I was dreaming, but it's real. All I could feel was pain in my legs, where I pinched, so I knew it was real, he was real. I was about to walk to him, when I looked into his eyes, I didn't see anything. They were empty. It was like he saw me for the first time." Then I cried again. My eyes are already hurting but I can't stop those tears that kept on falling.

"That was never the Cury I know. That is not the Cury I loved. He's different. He just stared at me like I was someone he had just met." He was confused seeing me, especially when I cried. It still hurts. I can't breathe.

"Calm down, Ella. Breathe." She said, patting my back slowly.

"I was left with nothing, Sophie. I hoped that there would still be an us after all those years but now, all my hope was gone. He's not the Cury I once knew. He's different now. I lost."

"Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?" I screamed in a whisper.

"Did I do something wrong in my past life?"

"Did I hurt someone? Did I do something to hurt someone?"

She kept on hugging me while patting my back in little motion.

"Sshhhhh... Everything will be alright. You just need more time to heal."

"Forget him. I know this will take more time, but I know you can. There are many men waiting for you there." I didn't calm down after what she said, but instead, I cried even more.

"After leaving you for years, he appeared like nothing had happened and showed that he forgot about you like there was nothing happened between the two of you? What kind of jerk is he? Know your worth, Ella. Stop expecting and hoping that everything will fall into place as it used to. Everything and everyone change." She said.

I can't do it. I love him, and I still do.

I felt sleepy after the hug. I now feel the need to rest and sleep for a long time. Hearing Sophie's advice made me feel light. I knew she was saying the truth, but I can't forget about everything in an instant. Yes, I've tried moving on for the past five years, but I am also hoping that he'll be back and we'll be together again. I was wrong. I am wrong. Everything changed. He changed. I'm nothing for him. He didn't chase after me when I ran away from him on that cliff, so there's nothing to prove. The evidence is clear.

Tonight, I've made up my mind. I need to be tough. I need to show him that he's also nothing for me. I was left with nothing in my heart, so I will rise with stone-cold ones. I will never let anyone do the same again. For now, I will take all the trauma and pain he caused me until I feel numb. I will never look back on this day because, for me, this is the worst of all the worst.

Before I closed my eyes, I swore that I would never let anyone hurt me anymore.

"Even if you return to me one day, I will never accept you, even if you cry in blood. I will remember this day. After loving you for years, you returned it by hurting me. I don't know what I did wrong to deserve this, but I will prove to you that I can do this. I'm not alone anymore. I have someone who is by my side whatever happens. I will rise stronger, tougher. I will prove to you that I can be happy without you. Starting today, I will forget all things about you. I will not love you anymore. I know this will take more time, but I know I can. Goodbye, Cury." I cried once more after, before I fell asleep.

'I hope tomorrow will be better.'

The day after, I felt better. It wasn't as bad when I had seen him but it's going there. This is the time to begin being tougher.

'I only now have Cain and Sophie. I will start this day tougher than the days before.' With that, I quickly got out of bed and went to shower. I was about to walk inside the shower room when I saw my reflections; a pale face, puffy red eyes, cracked lips, a lifeless face. I nearly cried again but I didn't let my tears fall.

"Remember what you swore last night. We can do this. It's still not the end of the world," I said loudly. I talked to myself for a minute more before I headed to take a bath.

Crying really helps relieve the pain.

I was looking into my walk-in closet for my outfit when a small teddy bear fell on my foot. I was about to pick it up when I saw that it was a gift from him. A small label can be seen on the heart the bear is holding.

'I love you, my Stella'. I cried again for the nth time. I can't stop my tears. I remembered our memories with the teddy bear.

_____

I was stressed in school at that time because there were too many activities and paperwork to do. Adding to the tiredness in learning the flow of business. It was a very stressful day for me when Cury suggested that we'd be going to the carnival.

So he fetched me after school and we went to the carnival in town.

"We're here!" I was in awe upon arriving because it was my first time in a place like this.

"Before everything else, we should try the food first." He guided me to the stalls of food where I saw hotdogs, cooked apples and other foods I was not aware existed.

"You should try this first. These are called corn dogs. It's a hot dog, coated in a layer of cornmeal batter that has been deep fried and is served using sticks. Try it." He bought one first for me to try.

I ate a portion and it tasted good.

"Babe, this tastes good. You should buy two more." He chuckled at my reaction but still bought two.

"I thought you'd gonna like it and I'm not mistaken." He kissed me on my lips before I was able to bite the corn dog we bought. We proceeded to the other stalls minutes later when one food name caught my attention.

"A walking tacos? Is this literally walking?" I asked, confused and thinking.

"Nope babe. It's not. It's just what they call it. Walking Tacos are bags of snack-size Fritos—and/or Doritos or any kinds of chips, really—that are garnished with a variety of taco or nacho toppings." He replied laughing and I blushed in embarrassment. I was dumb.

'Gosh! This is embarrassing!'

I was curious about that food so I bought one.

"How much is this, ma'am?" I asked the seller.

"It's $1.40. Try it and you'll definitely love it." So I bought one and started eating it even if I have a corn dog on the other hand.

"Finish your corn dog first, babe, before you eat the other." He's shaking his head, smiling.

"I love this side of yours, Stella. You're cute and innocent. I don't regret bringing you here," he added.

While we were walking, I observed the place. There are many games to play here. I ate all the food we bought in one of the seats intended for guests.

As I looked around, there was this one game that caught my interest.

"I wanna try that one, babe." I said pointing on a balloon in the middle of the board.

"Where? The balloon dart?" He said, staring at it.

"Yeah? I don't know what that is called but I think it is." So we went into it and we started playing. My tries were failed, so Cury did. He won a cute brown teddy bear and he gave it to me as a remembrance of this exciting and enjoyable trip.

"He's cute. I wanna name him Curt." I smiled thinking of that name.

"Curt it is. You're really brilliant." He said, messing up my hair.

"Stop it babe. I'm not a dog." I stared at him annoyingly, which he shrugged and laughed at.

"I want to customise this bear, babe. Let's go there." He said, pointing to a stall for customised sewing.

We went there and let the staff sew a label on its chest.

"What other games or rides do you wanna try?" He asked after.

"I want to try that one, the Ferris Wheel, then the ship and skyline." I am really feeling excited about those rides. I wanted to hug Cury and kiss him. I was thankful to him for bringing me here.

"Okay. We'll be buying tickets first before we ride those." I don't know how Ry knew all this and I'm curious.

"Babe?"

"Yes? Do you want anything?" He asked, massaging my palm.

"No babe. I'm just curious where you learned about this place and how did you know we'd be buying tickets? Have you been here?"

He smiled and said, "I've been thinking about bringing you somewhere entertaining and enjoyable because I always saw you stressed out. So I've done researching and asking my friends. It took me weeks to discover this place." He held my hand and kissed it.

"I don't really know how to ride on these rides, but based on my research, we need to buy tickets and read these instructions, (pointing at the wall with pasted instructions) we will be giving these tickets to the staff of each ride." I was busy admiring him so I didn't hear what he said. He's really brilliant and adorable.

I was only brought to reality when he held my hand and we walked to the line.

"Am I too handsome? You're drooling earlier." He said, grinning.

'OMG! He saw me?' Thinking of it, I felt the heat in my cheeks rise.

"Did I?" I asked back innocently.

He just laughed at me.

After 5 minutes, we finally rode the Ferris Wheel. The scenery surrounding the carnival felt like a fairy tale. Lights are everywhere. I really felt relaxed seeing it.

"Thank you for today, babe!" I said, kissing him with all the love I have for him and he kissed me back.

"This is the best day of my college years. Thank you for everything. I'll remember this forever. I love you, Ry!"

______