Lost Once, Redeemed Twice

Chapter 2 - He's here

"Stella. Wake up! You're having your nightmare again." I heard Sophie say. I immediately sat up and rubbed my eyes. I felt a lone tear escape my eye. I wiped it and asked her if she had already finished cooking.

"Yeah, I'm done. Let's eat. Do you want to talk about your nightmares?" She asked. Asking permission for me to open up about that nightmare again because I didn't tell her anything more than it was a nightmare. I've been having that since he left me.

"It's just a nightmare. It's nothing". I felt guilty though it was the only thing I was not telling her. I don't want to worry her even if she's already clearly worried.

I did therapists about this but nothing happened. I tried researching for remedies but found nothing really helpful. It only took time for me to cope and go on with my life.

Since then, I have been used to having it every time I close my eyes. I wasn't afraid of it anymore, although I still felt lonely whenever that happened. Sometimes, when I feel frustrated because of it, I force myself to stay awake or drink sleeping pills to sleep peacefully. Sleeping pills worked sometimes, but most of the time, it didn't.

"No, it's okay. I'm okay. It was just a nightmare. I'm used to it." I stood up and went to the table which I found full of my favorite food. I frowned while looking into it. "I thought you were going to eat what you crave? What are these?"

"You're favorites. I was thinking if I cooked what I craved, you'd certainly not going to eat, so, here I did. I want you to eat more." Gesturing me to sit down, she served me the foods she cooked.

"You're acting like my mother." I said, rolling my eyes.

"Just eat. I'm also starving, so let's start digging in."

While we were eating, she talked non-stop. She's telling everything about what happened to her yesterday, her date with Cain and everything. I just silently listen to her while eating, sometimes nodding.

Her cooking skills are really unmatchable. She's my favorite cook because she not only cooks my favorites but she does it perfectly, just like my mother.

My mother was never a professional cook but she always cooks well. Whenever I miss her, I just close my eyes and eat as if she's there, in front of me smiling. I opened my eyes after. It's the reality. I only have Sophie and Cain as family. Thanks to them, I don't feel alone now. Not physically.

After eating, I thought of going to my parent's tomb to pay a visit.

"Thank you for the food. It's delicious." I said, standing up.

"Where are you going? Can I come?" Sophie asked as I grabbed my jacket and car keys.

"I'm going to my parent's tomb to pay a visit. Sure you can come. I'd love to have company." I replied, which made her smile widely.

"Thank you bestfriend. I'll gladly accompany you. Come on. I'll be driving today." she said, grabbing the keys from my hand.

We drove for an hour to the cemetery and bought flowers on the way. We walked inside silently. I was already familiar with the setting because I was always here years ago whenever I was down. I always seek help and refuge from them. I felt safe here.

When we're at the tombstone, I sat down and put the flowers on the vase. I saw her picture with dad smiling.....at me. I felt my eyes sting and my tears flowed down freely.

I started telling them how my days went.

'Mom, I missed you so much.'

'I miss your cooking.'

'You know what? I'm glad I met Sophie because she has the same passion as you. She loves to cook and she cooked deliciously as you do.'

'Dad, here I am, your baby girl. I missed you.'

'I still have nightmares until now. I don't know how to remove it.'

'I hope you two are still here because you know, you two are my safe zone. My refuge from this cruel world.'

I talked for what I felt like hours while Sophie silently sat beside me the whole time, sometimes laughing at me or crying depending on the story I was telling.

'I'm tired. I'm exhausted mom, dad. I just want peace of mind but I can't. He's still in my system.'

Funny, right? I was talking to my parents but he still invaded it. Dammit.

I am always doing this, talking to my parents' tomb. Sharing all that was happening to me, all my worries and pain as well as success. I also share my plans, everything. It really did help because I feel light whenever I'm done talking.

Thinking of him,

'Ry. I don't know where you are, what are you doing and how are you, but please, can you get out of my mind for sometime?' I silently asked as I closed my eyes. I felt the wind blowing coldly, it made me shiver.

"Ella, let's go home. It's already late. It's getting cold." Sophie suggested. I don't want to stand up and leave because this is the only place I felt relaxed and peaceful, but I need to go. It's getting dark.

"Let's go! I didn't notice that it was already getting dark." We walked side by side until we got into the car. The ride home went silently and smoothly.

After 30 minutes, we were home.

"Good night Sophie! Thank you for today." I said as I walked to my bedroom.

"Good night, Ella. I'm hoping you don't get nightmares tonight. Sleep tight." She said.

I just smiled at her.

It's really a long day. I felt my body ache since I sat all day long. I'm always forcing myself to be engrossed in my work because I don't want to think about anything other than my company.

Feeling heavy, I went on to take a shower and submerge myself in a tub full of warm water with essential oils. It felt so good. I close my eyes and feel the water.

Relaxing, I found myself staring into nothingness. I felt peaceful and I loved it. After an hour, I felt my eyelids getting heavy and the water getting cold, so I decided to stand up and go to sleep.

'Tomorrow is another day. I hope it will be different from today.'

With that, I slept peacefully for the longest time.

______

I woke up feeling heavy and sick. I tried standing up but ended up being dizzy.

's**t! I really hate this feeling. I felt helpless and weak.'

As I sat on the edge of the bed, Sophie knocked.

"Come in."

"Good morning sunshine! Oh what happened?" She asked, walking to me. She looked worried because I was holding my head.

"I was just dizzy. I felt sick." I ended up lying again. My head is aching. I hate this..... because I felt like going back to the old me.

"Relax." She touched my forehead and said, "you're hot and you have a fever. Wait a minute." She went outside and after five minutes (I don't know if it really took five minutes) she came back holding a tray of food, water and medicine on the side.

"Here. Eat this and drink the medicine after. You need to eat to energize yourself and you'll feel better later. I'll just get water and a towel to put on your forehead to lower your temperature." Staring at the food, I felt vomiting.

Don't get me wrong. The food smells delicious but I don't have the appetite to eat. I felt nauseous. I ended up emptying my stomach on the toilet even if I really didn't eat anything. Sophie walked up to me and patted my back.

"Thank you. I can't take this anymore. I need to sleep." I said, almost crawling. Seeing what I was doing, Sophie helped me to stand up and walk to my bed.

"You need to eat. You can't take this medicine if your stomach doesn't have anything to grind." I was very thankful to Sophie, because whenever I felt sick, she's always there, helping me. She kept her promise from day one.

I forced myself to eat atleast three spoonfuls and drink the medicine. After that, I lied down and decided to sleep. My head is throbbing and I can't take it anymore. It's very uncomfortable.

"I will take this away. You need to rest. I will be at the office today. You're sick, so I need to complete everything you'll miss. Call me if you're having a hard time with your fever, okay? Or you can call Cain as always." She said, sitting down at the edge of the bed. She touched my forehead again and said that the heat somewhat lowered. I just really need a rest.

"Okay. Thank you. Don't mind me. Inform me if there's anything urgent. I'll sleep now." As I said so, I felt my eyelids getting heavy and let sleep consume me wholly.

----

In my dreams, I was walking in a flower field, a field full of different species of rose. I don't know why I was there. It was peaceful and beautiful. I was busy appreciating the flowers because it was my first time going to a place like that. I don't know why that field has so many roses with no thorns.

As I was walking endlessly, I felt like I was in a loop because I ended up in the same position and same location.

'What the heck! This is beautiful, but it's certainly creepy.'

I felt someone was watching me, but when I tilted my head in any direction, I couldn't see anyone.

'This is a dream. Wake up' I said to myself, and ended up waking up light headed. 'What was that? Another dream with a different theme? A creepy rose field?' I thought and shook my head.

'I'm getting crazy.' I looked at the bedside table and it was only 3 in the afternoon, so I decided to take a bath and go to my office since it's still early.

I walked straight to my office once I arrived and saw Sophie typing something on her laptop. She didn't notice me entering, so I shrugged. She's clearly busy.

"Girl. Do you feel perfectly fine? You were sick earlier but here you are, working again." She's talking non stop again after seeing me walking inside an hour ago.

"Sophie, I'm fine. I'd already rested and I don't feel like being a prisoner in my own home. Besides, I need to work. I still have a lot of unfinished paperwork to do."

"Yeah yeah yeah. Whatever but please take care of yourself. You're more valuable than all of this. Stop being stubborn. I'll be outside when you need me." I just nodded and she walked outside holding some important papers that needed to be completed.

The day went smoothly. Nothing important happened. I spend most of the time doing paperwork. The day after, I decided to go to a special place at sunset. I've wanted to go there but haven't had the courage to do so. I've been avoiding the place for a long time.

I wore my favorite dress and my flat shoes because I felt like doing so. I arrived at the place.

Nothing much changed. This place is a cliff at the end of the city. This is my favorite spot because I was able to see the sunset and the peaceful ocean. It's relaxing.

I have so many memories of this place. Ry and I have so many memories here. This is the place where we spend most of our time. We even tried camping here. We watched the night sky full of stars, we laughed, we hugged and we kissed. It's a really good and unforgettable memory.

I can't help but say, "I miss you, Ry. I still love you, but you know what? Your love feels safe and sweet but it hurts at the same time."

"I don't know where you've been. It's been five years but here I am, still hoping for you to appear out of nowhere, but I don't know what to do when it happens. I don't know why I didn't get tired of feeling this way. I still have hopes but also have none. I've been letting myself be tough outside, but in reality, I felt empty and weak."

I was talking to the air for minutes when I felt someone staring at me. I tilted my head and saw him. His gray eyes, long lashes, red lips, wearing his favorite shirt. Still as handsome as before, but was more matured.

Shocked was an understatement. Earlier, I wished that he would appear out of nowhere, but when it happened, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to react. I rubbed my eyes because I felt like dreaming. I looked at him again and he was still there, confused. What? He's looking at me like he doesn't know me, which hurts me most. After all these years, he appeared and he doesn't know me anymore. I felt like laughing. Five years ago, he told me that he loved me, but now, he doesn't even know me.

We were staring for I felt like eternity, not until my traitor tears flowed down. Even if I felt angry at myself for waiting and hoping that he would want me back, I felt hurt seeing him looking at me like that. I felt a lump in my throat. The memories we have, which I kept buried in the deepest space in my mind resurfaced all at the same time. I can't talk nor make any sound. I just kept on crying. I was able to step back and walk on the opposite side, to my car.

I don't know. I don't know what to think now that he's here after many years. My mind went blank and I suddenly felt numb.