Divided heart

5. Reminiscence

"You get angry when things don't meet your expectations; it's your desires that trap you in the abyss of darkness, not others."

-Sin-

If only the xxx app hadn't shown Marina's apartment on its homepage, I wouldn't be going through all of this.

Only one day has passed and my mental state is already shaken to its limits; a chaotic morning after the bloody pancake incident, and now I'm in the middle of a crowd of shocked neighbors witnessing something unprecedented.

A dead cat was hanging upside down, its head facing downwards, right above the entrance to Marina's apartment. The cat was hung using a hook and fishing line. The end of the fishing line was hooked to a window on the second floor.

A tall, thin man named Robert was the first to discover the unfortunate creature. As he was about to leave for his run at 6:00 AM, he passed the front door and drops of blood fell, soaking his white shirt. When Mr. Robert looked up, he saw a cat hanging above, suspended from Marina's apartment nameplate. Of course, the man's hysterical screams sent all the flat's residents scattering.

According to a security guard named Mr. Joni, who usually guards the front post, nothing seemed out of the ordinary that morning. Therefore, it's highly likely the cat was hung from the second floor, and the culprit is one of the residents of Marina's apartment complex.

The cat's body was taken down. The mothers turned away in fear, the young children were immediately taken away, while the young men and fathers gossiped about who might have committed such a cruel act. On the small, cute orange cat, all the tiny claws were ripped out from deep, gaping wounds, still oozing thick blood.

I felt a liquid welling up inside me, trying to escape through my throat and rising in my esophagus. Crazy... crazy... crazy... The sharp claws I found this morning...? So the blood in the strawberry jam was...?z

I'm scared. Who would be so cruel as to kill this little creature just to give me blood? A fleeting image of the young woman with bruises under her eyes flashed in my mind.

Was it Candy? Or someone who was peeking this morning? Or maybe Mrs. Marry? She made the pancakes. No, I shouldn't accuse people randomly; it could be someone else entirely.

The shadow of anxiety still haunts me. Everyone seems suspicious now. And their gazes towards me; I know that the day I set foot here caused a commotion in the middle of the night.

Their stares, their whispering lips, their hand gestures forming abstract movements. Subtle sneers, annoyed sighs, and suspicious glances. All directed at me.

my breath catches, squeezed by negative prejudice, even though they aren't pointing fingers directly. I quickly distanced myself and almost ran out of the apartment.

****

"Loki... Loki..." a hand roughly pulled my arm.

"Huhh...!" I frowned in confusion.

"Goodness...!, how could this happen?" The girl with the slanted eyes carefully pressed a tissue to my thumb.

" Ellena?" Why is my coworker in my room now?

"Were you daydreaming again, so you didn't notice me coming in earlier? Mr. Roger wants this report sent immediately." Ellena continued to press on my wound.

I saw several broken pieces of nail scattered on my desk.

"You've bitten your nails until they bleed like this. What's wrong with you today?" She wrapped my finger with a thick tissue.

I nervously pulled my arm away. "Thank you."

"Is there a problem with this new place?" she asked. The girl pulled up a chair and sat beside me.

I mumbled softly, then shook my head. "No."

"Don't lie. Your face is very pale. You look like you haven't slept enough. What's wrong?" She stared at my face for a long time.

I felt uneasy under her intense gaze, causing me to lower my head deeply.

Ellena sighed, patting my back. "Don't forget to get it done! Focus!"

She handed over the file and then got up from her seat.

I nodded, The woman handed me a stack of reports and left. I sighed wearily; maybe coffee is the best answer. I've been unable to work all day because I've lost focus.

Taking reluctant steps towards the kitchen, my ears suddenly rang loudly. I slapped the side of my head quite hard, trying to make the sound disappear. But it only made my head throb painfully.

Damn it! What now?

My eyes started to water; the glass I was reaching for fell to the floor, shattering, hitting the ceramic floor with a deafening sound. The pain attacked me again. A flash of lightning struck my subconscious.

Someone stood silently; the blue sky outside didn't attract those shadowed eyes to appreciate it. She turned, tears tracing long paths down the wrinkles etched into her face.

"Sorry," she whispered.

She stepped on the broken pieces of glass without flinching in pain. She continued walking towards the bright light outside, leaving a red trail on the wooden floor.

"No... don't do that."

The wind blew her beautiful short hair, scattering it across the round balcony railing. Her shoulders trembled with deep pain. it hurts, her heart hurts. She squeezed her chest with all her might. She couldn't take it anymore.

"Stop. Please."

I saw her feet step onto the balcony railing, standing there in uncertainty.

A final smile flickered across her pale lips. She released her grip and fell from the height.

"Nooo.... Nooo.... Nooo...." My tears broke. I reached for a body that was never there.

"Please don't leave me."

Pain gripped me so fiercely, it choked me; the air felt like thousands of sharp thorns. Unbearable. My knees collapsed onto the broken glass.

Tiny particles tore at my skin, piercing deeply into my flesh. But that pain was overshadowed by other wounds—invisible wounds that burned me from within, eroding every inch of happiness, sucking it into unspeakable suffering.

"No... Loki!!"A loud shout calling my name echoed from the kitchen.

I looked up, feeling my tears flow uncontrollably. Large hands forced me to my feet, dragging me away from the broken glass.

"Clean the wounds, get the first-aid kit."

Blurred faces swirled around me. Someone ripped my trousers at the knee; another forced me to drink water. And there were others who wanted to apply eucalyptus oil to my temples and under my nose.

No, I didn't want them to treat my external wounds. I just wanted to disappear right now.

****

After that embarrassing incident, I was trapped in my room, somehow managing to return to Marina's apartment intact. My memory is hazy, leaving only shame now. How could I face my coworkers after all the commotion I caused today?

More than that, there's another worry in my mind. Who was the woman who jumped from the round balcony? Who was she to me? Why did she leave this pain with me?

Then, who am I? Loki Fuller? That name feels foreign now, so distant, as if it doesn't belong to me.

Only one person can answer that right now. Yes, only him. I reached for my smartphone and called him.

"Hello..."