Still

Ivana We are now in the fence of our school with the boy I love, he is holding my hands and I am looking straight at his handsome face. You know what we are doing? We are going to cut class. I don’t like to do this but I am afraid that something will happen to him if I am not gonna go with him. “Hold my hand” August said to me while climbing up in the wall of our school. “OUCH!” I fall from the wall of our school and when I looked up, August was not there anymore, guest what? He released my hand and I fall in the ground. I cried. Because he does not care if I get hurt and will have bruise just because he released my hand. I thought he cared for me just now, but yeah this is the reality, he does not really care for me, ever! When I got back at our classroom the teacher is not yet there, so I go to my sit and wear my earphones and cry. Just so you know I don't have any friends in this school except from august. When the teacher arrived I stop the music and remove my earphones and start taking notes for august. Yes for august not for me. I don't know why I love that boy since I am 13 and when I set my eyes to him, I knew that I love him until now that I am 17, btw august is 2 years older than me so he is 19 now and I love him for many years now. I know that he is a walking red flag, he do cut class, does not have good grades, he hurt me, don't know how to respect elders, drinking alcohols, he have many women's and many more. But still yeah I love him, I know I look stupid right now, but its okay if its him. It is now break time, I am here at the field eating alone and thinking where is august right now. There are places that he will go to when he cut class, first at the condo of his friends, second at the club or he is in the cemetery to visit his mom and sometimes he go to play billiards. He does not know that I knew that he is visiting his mom, I just know it one time when I followed him when he climbed up the fence. I am so lonely without him, he is the only friend I have because my communication skills and social anxiety said no whenever I tried socializing with other people. Although I am happy being alone but I am more happy when he is around. August "Do you want a drink?" I was startled when a girl comes to me while I am here at the couch of the club. I cant hear her because of the loud music so I said "huh?" the girl brought her face closer to me and said "I said do you want a drink?" and lick my ear. "Sorry, I am not in the mood to drink." then I stand up and go outside the club. When I am outside the club, I saw Ivana sitting in the bench tired and sleepy and does not even noticed me, and I don't care to her, so I light up my cigarette and smoke there. When finally she noticed me she came to me and said "Hi! How was your day?" as if I do not left her earlier when we about to cut classes, I saw a band aid in her knees and I know that it is because of me, but I don't care because it is her fault that she really insisted to come with me to cut classes and she is really a burden to me when she go with me while I cut class. She handed me a notebook and said "Here is the notes that the teacher discussed earlier, pls study this because there is a quiz tomorrow and don't be absent okay!?" I just nodded to her, and Im about to go inside the club again but she hug me and stopped me to go inside at the club and she said "Lets go home august." Yes we are living together, since I am in a legal age, her parents trusted their daughter to me because our family is friends with each other. "I am not going home today, you go home now, Bye." And just with that I go my way inside the club. I know that she is crying because she is such a crybaby. I don't know why she is like that, I am tired of her! Ivana I am really hurt! I don't know what to do to him anymore, I wanna go home with him today and watch some movies and the series that we are watching together when he is in the mood the title is money heist, it is a very good series. When he told me that I should go home alone, I did not go home, I waited for him here outside even though its so cold here, I waited for him. Hours passed august still not going outside and its already raining, I don't have any umbrella with me because I don't like bringing umbrella. When he finally go out, I go to him and look at his eyes and hug him while I am crying. "Why are you still here!" he push me and released me from hugging him. "I said earlier that you should go home right? I cant go home today because I have here my woman and I need to spend time with her!" He said that as if I am not soaked with the water falling from the sky, he does not really care for me, I stood up and said "Okay, I guess I will really go home alone tonight. Bye enjoy!" I said that while smiling and crying infront of him.