7 Years Later

Part 18 - Present Day

On Monday at work, after the staff meeting, Allison immediately rushed up to me.

"Cassidy? Can we talk in the break room?"

I think I know what this is about.

"Sure." I said to Allison, standing up.

Virginia gave me a concerned look, and I mouthed to her, "Tell you later."

When Allison and I got into the break room, and I shut the door, she immediately started talking.

"Cassidy, I am SO sorry for Saturday." Allison said, "I didn't quite see what was going on, as I was busy. But Matteo told me what happened with my sister."

"It's okay." I said to Allison, "It's not your fault."

"I told Savannah what happened. And I was upset, but I didn't put any blame on you." Allison said, "What my sister said was so uncalled for."

"Did Matteo tell you what was said?"

Allison nodded, "It was so rude. Matteo was furious, Cassidy. He's...really protective over you."

I saw Allison look down as she said that.

"Matteo would get that way with anyone who was being spoken to like that." I said to Allison, "It's okay."

"You're right." Allison sighed, "You won't have to deal with any of that this weekend, though. I won't be bartending. I'm visiting my best friend from college this weekend in New York."

"That'll be so fun." I said, feeling slightly disappointed that now I didn't have an excuse to see Matteo, "I hope you have a nice time Allison, you deserve it."

"Thanks." Allison said, giving me smile, "It's needed."

Or so I thought.

For the rest of the week, I focused on work, and on Saturday night I was in my room looking at billing and coding programs on my laptop. I was in a hoodie and shorts, makeup was already melted halfway off from the heat, and my hair was in a ponytail.

I heard my phone vibrating.

It must be my mom or Danisha.

I froze when I saw the name on the caller ID.

Matteo.

I answered, "Hello?"

My heart felt like I could've beat out of my chest.

"Cassidy, I'm so sorry to call you this late and bother you. I just didn't know what to do, my mom is at the hospital and everything is just so f****d up right now." Matteo's voice came through, and I could tell that he was panicking.

"What hospital? I'll be right here." I said, shutting my laptop.

"Holy Redeemer." Matteo said, "Room 407. Thank you."

I could just tell in Matteo's tone that he had the weight of the word on his shoulders.

Kylie was at the apartment, out in the living room watching a movie with a bowl of popcorn in her hands.

"Hey. I'll be back later tonight sometime." I said.

"Okay, have fun!" Kylie said, completely unaware of course on where I was going.

The hospital was about a 12 minute drive from my apartment, and that 12 minute drive felt like a lifetime.

When I got it to the hospital, I immediately rushed over to an elevator to get to the 4th floor. Once again, the ride up to the 4th floor felt like a lifetime. When I got off the elevator, I followed the arrows leading to room 407, and when I got to the entrance of the room, I stood on the outside, and I could hear Matteo's voice, speaking to a woman that was also inside the room.

"Matteo, I understand you're trying to handle all of this by yourself. Your mother is lucky to have a son like you. But this is not something that can be handled alone." the woman's voice said.

"Dr. Kennedy, I understand what you're saying, but I do have a nurse come each day." I heard Matteo say.

"Having a nurse come while you're at work is not enough. She is getting to the point where she needs 24 hour care."

"She's only 56 years old. How the hell did it get this bad, this quickly?" Matteo said, and I could hear in his voice that he was very close to breaking down.

"I know this is so difficult, Matteo." Dr. Kennedy said, "This is a terrible disease, there is no sugar coating it. I'll be back with some more information for you. I'm so sorry. No 25 year old should be having to concern themselves with this for their 56 year old mother."

Dr. Kennedy then walked out of the room, and when she saw me she asked, "Hello, can I help you?"

"I'm here to see Matteo." I said.

Matteo must've heard me, because he walked out of the room.

He wore a black hoodie and basketball shorts. He was also wearing his glasses.

"Hey, Cassidy. Thanks for coming." he said, and I could tell just from his voice that he was absolutely drained.

"Of course." I said to Matteo.

Before I knew it, he was walking over to me, and the way that he pulled me in for a hug and I embraced him was almost automatic.

I couldn't help but to feel guilt- that Allison should be here with him instead of me.

Matteo held me for a moment, and then he pulled away and sighed, "I hoped you didn't mind me calling you."

"Not at all. I wasn't doing much of anything. And even if I was, I still would've come."

Matteo shot me an appreciative glance.

"What happened, is your mom okay?" I asked him.

"She is, at this moment. But in general? No." Matteo said, "I was upstairs in my room, playing video games. I thought she was asleep. Next thing I know, she is running down the steps, screaming that she thinks someone is after her. She slipped and fell hard as she was running. I can't help but to feel like this wouldn't have happened if I was watching her better."

"Matteo...I am so sorry." I said, "I promise you, this isn't your fault."

"Essentially I know it isn't. But...the Doctor is right. I need to be able to get her the care she needs. I've been...in denial about this all." Matteo said, and he closed his eyes for a moment, "The thought of losing another parent is just something I am having such a hard time accepting. Having to put my mother in some kind of home just...goddamn it f***s me up."

I could tell that Matteo was trying so hard to not cry. I could see him swallowing back the lump in his throat, and blinking back tears.

"Matteo..." I started to say, not even sure how I was going to finish the sentence.

"Cassidy, I'm really trying to not cry right now, I don't want to do that. And if you talk to me, I'm probably going to." Matteo said, looking up at the ceiling, like he didn't want me to see how upset he was.

"It's okay to cry. You're upset. This is a very upsetting thing." I said.

When Matteo looked down, I could see his face was tear stained. It was too late, he was already crying.

"Matteo...are you able to leave the hospital building? Even to just go on a little walk? I think it would be good for you." I said.

Matteo glanced back at the room and said, "Maybe it would be good for me to go for a walk. My mom is stable. It's okay."

"Let's go." I said.

Matteo was quiet as we went down the elevator, and then walked out of the hospital. There was a path behind it, around the parking lot, leading to a garden with benches.

"Can we sit down?" Matteo asked me.

"Of course." I said.

Matteo sat down on a metal bench, and I sat down next to him. His knee was touching mine.

He looked at me and said, "I know with my mom, it's all downhill from here. Her doctors have said they don't think she has more than 2 years left. It's taking her mind, and it will take her body. There's still something in her that seems to be in denial as well. She still tries to do things. But it's gotten worse in a matter of weeks. She was able to call me weeks ago to tell me she burned herself. She hardly knows how to use a phone now."

"It must be so heartbreaking to witness." I said, "I can't even describe how sorry I am."

"I lost my dad at 15. Now I'm losing my mom at 25. Soon enough, she won't even know who I am." Matteo said, staring straight ahead, "Sometimes I feel like I have no one."

What about Allison?

"How is your sister with all of this?"

"She tries to avoid it and leave it all to me. She has a hard time dealing with her problems. I talk to my other family members, my aunts and uncles and cousins, but it's not the same. Then there's Allison..." Matteo trailed off.

"I was going to ask how she is." I said.

"I can't just...talk to her. Like I am to you right now. She's always trying to get me to see the positive side. She's always making a plan of action. And sometimes, I can really appreciate that. But sometimes there's no f*****g silver lining and I just want someone to listen." Matteo said, "Cassidy...I know it's been so long since we broke up. But ever since then, I've had this profound loneliness I can't shake. No matter what I do, or who I talk to, I feel it. Except I'm not feeling it right now."

"I...completely understand." I said, "And I've felt the same way too. But we can't do anything about it."

"I know we can't." Matteo said, "I keep telling myself we can't. But I can't help but want to. And I feel god awful for saying it. But Cassidy...when I saw you at the grocery store, it was literally like time stopped for me for a moment. I could hardly talk to Allison in the car and she had no idea why. I have never stopped being in love with you."

Matteo was looking at me, and I was looking right back at him.

"I- you can't say that. Matteo, you're in a really emotional state right now." I said, "You have a girlfriend."

"Please, you think I only think that when I'm in an emotional state? I can't stop thinking about you. I haven't been able to for years. Yes, Allison makes me happy. But she's not you, Cassidy." Matteo said to me, "No one is you. No matter how much I have tried to seek it out, no one brings me the comfort that you do, right here, right now."

I feel the same. The exact same. But I can't say it.

"Matteo. We can't be talking about this right now." I said.

"What? Do you not feel the same?" Matteo asked me.

I can't hold it back anymore. But I need to.

"Matteo, you know that this is not right to be talking about-"

"Cassidy, please. If you don't feel the same, then I promise- I won't bring it up, ever again. Should I have not called you here tonight? I'm sorry, I should learn to shut my mouth." Matteo said. And I could tell he was so genuinely upset by the look on his face.

I felt myself break.

"I feel the exact same, Matteo."

Here we go.

Matteo stared at me.

"I have looked you up on social media so many damn times since we broke up, but was never able to find you. I have wanted to reach out to you on so many occasions. But I thought you wouldn't want to hear from me. I have thought about you every day. And since you've come back, all I've wanted to do was tell you this. I have been holding everything back though. You have a girlfriend." I said.

"I didn't tell her about you because that felt finite for us. Like if I told her, it was over between us forever." Matteo said, "I've never been able to handle the thought of that."

I looked at Matteo and said, "You have to break up with Allison."

"Believe me, I've known that." Matteo said, "The moment she told me she worked with you, I knew I was going to have to end things."

"You know that doesn't automatically mean we can get together?" I asked, fear overtaking me, "We have a lot to talk through."

Almost instinctively, Matteo placed his hand on mine, and then lifted back up right away, "I know. And ending things with Allison is going to be tough...I just know you're worth it all."

I looked at Matteo, my heart pounding, "You are too. You always have been."