Prologue
„And even when I will be alone
I will not change
It is not my world.
I front of me the path I know
The one I chose on my own.”
(“The length of loneliness sound” Myslovitz
Translation: Kate Issa Dory)
What is fear?
Is it just a state of strong emotional tension arising in situation of a real threat? An impulse pushing us to escape or fight? The body’s response to the external stimuli? Or maybe a meaningless emotion that can be drowned out easily?
What makes us feel fear?
We are afraid for our loved ones. For their safety and health. We are worried about ensuring our family’s well-being. We are afraid for our friends, acquaintances, our home and job. We worry about world peace, global warming, endangered species, declining ecosystem, felling of rainforests, smog.
We are bothering ourselves with various worries to push away this one, greatest fear that we do not want to reveal to anyone.
We are most afraid of ourselves.
We hide our own fear. We push it into the farthest recesses of consciousness. We do not allow it to speak. We try to pretend that it does not exist. That it is only the figment of our imagination. That it does not have access to us. That it cannot take control over us.
We are also terrified by the thought that someone else will discover our true fears. Those that we hide deeply. Fears that overwhelm us. That darken our mind, heart and soul. Fear of who we really are and what we are capable of if we get rid of all inhibitions. If we start to act against our beliefs. If we break the canons and let the darkness inside us take control.
If we renounce our own SELF.
Fear.
It is the original feeling that none of us can escape or take refuge from. And although we put on a mask of courage to hide our fear, it is still present in our lives. It falls on us in dreams. It reflects in sudden flashes of our memories. It is in thoughts about the future. It accompanies us constantly.
It is in our mind.
In our hearts.
It lurks just under the surface.
The overwhelming truth was that fear was with her all her life. She refused to admit that. She did not want to show it. And thus she hid it deep inside. She pushed it to the farthest and the darkest corners of her heart.
When she felt fear, she denied it. She pretended that it does not exist. And when the fear tried to take control of her life, she ran away. At least that was what she thought. She found a place where she could feel safe. Where she could no longer be a threat for her beloved. Where she could finally be someone else, because she was afraid of herself.
On the first day of summer, on the day of her eighteenth birthday she saw herself clearly. And what she saw chilled her bloodstream. It clenched her heart with sharp claws. It was engraved on her memory, to haunt her. But like other fears, she locked it deep and she left. Trying to forget the dormant Monster.
But FEAR came for her.
It was chasing her.
It was haunting her dreams.
Now the Monster needs to wake up.
