Danny

Chapter 8

He is banging on the door so loud my head is starting to ache. I am in a small room with dark walls and one window. The wooden door is locked and I sense that the minute I open that door he will come barging in and my life will be puffed out. For some unknown reason I don't feel fear for my life. I feel frustration and anger. With every pound he knocks on the door my anger is fueled further.

I lay my hand on the rusted handle in a mad hysteria. I know this is the end but my anger is getting the better of me and all I want is for it to stop. My anger is so intense that I feel tears building up in my eyes. Chelsea used to tell me that the tears made me look soft, but I can only feel burning rage inside. My hand tightens fiercely on the handle. My bony knuckles turn white.

The appearance of my bony hand frightens me and I retract my hand away from the door handle. I suddenly feel weak and exhausted. My legs feel too frail to hold my small weight. My heart is beating so fast, but something was still draining me. I look down at my nearly skeletal frame and wonder how I thought I could take him on. Everything seems so wrong.

Suddenly the banging on the door becomes very loud again. Despite myself I grab the door handle again. The noise is too much for me to handle. The only way to stop it is to stop him. My fire temper takes control of me like I am possessed by a demon. My grip tightens and I pull the handle down to open the door. He will not get away with this. Not this time.

I am rapidly pulled out of the nightmarish dream by a nurse serving food. She roughly shakes me awake demanding I wake up to eat. My right eye slowly opens to see the food set in front of me and the back of a nurse leaving the room. My left eye is still covered by some sort of dressing. The image of the plate is slightly blurry through the one eye but slowly clears as I slowly wake up. My brain still stuck on the nightmare struggles to focus on what is in front of me. I simply stare at the food for a while until the nightmare fades away from memory.

I sit up with difficulty because of the new contraption on my broken leg. A small movement of that thing sent a pain so unbearable radiating up that leg I almost thought I was going to start bringing up the acid from my empty stomach. I lean forward toward the food left on the trolley over my bed.Once I feel I am stable enough I lift my arms off the bed that are supporting me and reach for the knife and fork.

The plate in front of me has a vienna and gravy. A boiled egg lay next to the plate on the tray. A disposable polystyrene bowl filled with porridge sits on the other side of the plate. I realise they have not served me any spoon. I simply peel the boiled egg and cut it into small pieces. I slice the vienna and mix the two into the gravy before eating. Feeling my stomach remind me that I had not eaten or kept much down in the last 24 hours, I start shovelling the food into my mouth like a pig.

A nurse enters the room carrying a big basin full of water with a towel over her right shoulder. She smiles at me gently at me while I shovel more food into my mouth. She slowly places the big basin on the trolley over my bed next to the food tray. She lays the towel down and in her caramel hand is a small bar of soap that she puts down next to the basin. She shows me that there is a cloth in the basin for me to wash.

With her hair tied back in a single braid, she turns around to leave and the braid falls over her one shoulder. I watch her slender small body leave quietly wondering how she managed to carry the weight of the basin. My wonder quickly evaporates when I realise she is completely out of sight. I look down at my food and ravenously devoure what is left. I feel a great relief after I finish everything. The hunger I had is now satisfied.

I dip my hand in the basin and feel warm water. In a rush I start taking the gown off almost forgetting my broken leg and its new contraption. My leg moves a little in the process causing agonising pain that I can't help but yell out in frustration and pain. I manage to get the stupid thing off after that with little ease. Bathing is a simple wash of all the important areas. I dare not venture to far down the legs for fear of moving my broken leg. To my horror I realise no new gown was left for me. Feeling clean and fresh I simply cover myself with the sheet on top of the bed and wait for someone to come and take all the things away.

My patience starts wearing rather thin staring at the dish of water and my empty plate. When were they going to clean up. I sense the same anger from the nightmare, but I am not clear why. Am I really this quick tempered? Such a question sits on the edge of tongue, but there is no one I can ask. Frustration floods me as the nurse comes to clear everything away.

“What took you so long? " I snap angrily.

Startled by my quick temper she responds, “You are not the only patient in this ward."

I make a noise with my tongue showing my disgust. For a small person she can be quite rude and abrupt. She does not respond to my disgust and simply picks up the basin leaving my room shaking her head.

Within a few minutes a person wearing what appears to be the cleaning uniform comes to take my empty plate away. I ask in a not so polite manner to remember the spoon next time. The cleaner didn't respond.

The day drags by with nothing for me to do. Nurses come in and out of my room checking my blood pressure, giving me my medication and checking my drips. Then a familiar face enters the room, Dr Booysen. At the site of him, a smile spreads over my face involuntarily.

“Good morning doctor, " I say cheerily. My voice is suddenly in such a high tone I didn't know it would have been possible. The nurse next him rolls her eyes.

“Good morning. You look well post op. How is the pain?" he asks completely ignoring my high pitched voice. His hazel eyes scan over the file and look up at me. His posture brings out his chest which I imagine is filled with ripped muscles. His large hands, the color of brown sugar, gently place the file down before he turns his thick neck.

I smile as I watch him look at the nurse to his right side. Although she was not particularly dark in complexion, her skin made Dr Booysens look almost fair. Her round face looked down at me bored and unhappy. Her dark small eyes move from me to the file and then to the doctor.

“She has had no complications. No vomiting. Some pain managed with the Pethidine as prescribed," she reports.

He nods his head slightly in approval. He smiles at me. The smile still does not touch those bright eyes. The pen appears small in his hand as he writes something in the file. He looks up at me to ask me something and I cannot help but smile.

“Going to the toilet yet? " he asks. My smile fades rather quickly as embarrassment takes over. My face might be flashing into many shades of red. I sheepishly look away and mutter no under my breath.

“Can you repeat that please? " the nurse mumbles.

I shake my head no, “I have not yet."

Dr Booysens writes in the file and instructs the nurse to monitor bowel movements and continue pain control. She makes a note in her book before she and the doctor walks out.

Left alone to my thoughts yet again and now I want to cry. I feel embarrassed. I feel like I am a high school girl with a crush. It's rather silly, but I don't know what is happening to me or how to control it.

There rest of the day slowly passes with me crying on and off over my embarrassment and pathetic situation. The food gets served and empty containers taken away without a word. My emotions are on a rollercoaster and there is no way of stopping it or controlling it.

Alone in the hospital room with the lights off and the dark all around me, I allow myself more peace as tears roll down my cheeks. I feel absolutely miserable for myself. The events leading up to this point are going through my minds eye. Crying into my pillow, I slowly start drifting off into a restless sleep. The pain in my broken leg now part of my every second not bothering me anymore. The darkness consumes my sobs into nothingness and I sleep.