Whiskey Lullaby

Chapter 1 Izzy “On the charges of criminally negligent homicide in the death of six-month-old infant, Jason Michael Walker, the court finds Mark Daniel Walker not guilty.” They found him not guilty. My baby is dead and he’s walking free. I’m sitting there in the courtroom when everyone leaves, I’m still sitting there. “Ma’am, we’re going to have to ask you to exit the courtroom.” The bailiff says. I snap out of my daze and nod before gathering my purse and walking out, still in a daze. I walk outside and head down the steps of the courthouse and see my ex-boyfriend standing with his parents and his mother walks over and looks at me, smirking. “We told you he wouldn’t be punished for this. He told you he didn’t want to be a father, and you forced it on him.” She tells me and I just shake my head and walk away. I walk with my head down, to my car and slip inside and feel the tears start to fall. I hold it together the best I can until I pull up to the cemetery. Getting out of the car, I walk over to my son’s grave and kneel next to his headstone. “I’m so sorry baby. Mommy failed you. You should be here. Your first birthday was last week, and I blew out the candle for you. Daddy went to court today. The judge said he was not guilty. He’s the reason you’re in that little box but he gets to walk away, and you don’t. Mommy misses you so much baby boy. My sweet boy.” I say as I start to sob. I’m on my knees, leaned forward, my head in my hands, sobbing. I let my sweet boy down. I let his father murder him. I sit there for another hour, crying, just sitting with my son before I whisper goodbye and head to the car. What I didn’t know was that there was someone else at the cemetery that day who saw me sobbing. I drive home on autopilot and as soon as I’m in the house, I walk to Jason’s nursery and pick up his teddy bear and just sit in the rocker and hold the bear. More tears are falling and I’m just staring off into space. The longer I sit there the more I think about how I failed my son. I failed to keep him safe. I start thinking about what Mark’s mother said about me forcing Jason on him. Did I force him to be a father? He could have walked away. Right? After a couple of hours, I can’t handle it anymore. I put Jason’s teddy bear back in his crib and slip out of the room. I grab my keys and head out the door. I pull up to a bar and get out before walking in and take a seat at the bar. “What can I get for you sweetheart?” the bartender asks. I look at her and softly say “Jack on the rocks please. Keep them coming.” She nods before getting my drink and putting it in front of me. I start drinking and the more I drink, the more I think about how easy it would be if I died. I’d be with Jason, and no one would miss me. I’m three drinks in, when someone steps up next to me. He leans down next to me and seethes “You got some nerve you stupid b***h. We f*****g told you he didn’t do shit.” I feel another tear fall but don’t look at him. I don’t say anything. “Got nothing to say now? Huh?” he asks again. “I don’t know what he ever saw in you. Must have been east pussy.” He sys and the tears start falling harder to the point that I’m sobbing again. “He never should have knocked you up. Always talked about how pathetic and worthless you are. He was right. You should have died along with that little bastard.” He says, and I don’t know how much more I can take. “Leave me alone.” I finally say but it’s weak. “Leave you alone? b***h, you’re lucky we aren’t slitting your throat.” He says next to my ear. Next thing I know, I’m sobbing. “Crying? Really? Stupid, weak ass f*****g cunt.” He says before a man steps between us, stopping him from coming at me. I don’t know who this man is or why he’s helping me but I’m not worth it. He should just let them do what they want to do. I deserve every horrible word, every threat. I deserve it all.