Whiskey Lullaby

Chapter 19-Izzy

Chapter 19

Izzy

It’s been two months since I moved in with Ashton, and I’ve been seeing Kathy. I never knew that therapy could help me as much as it has, and Ashton and Nancy have been amazing. I’ve also been getting close to Linda, and it’s been amazing to finally have a female friend to talk to. She’s been so supportive and even though I’m not her sister, and she tells me about her sometimes, she makes sure I know that her sister would approve of me being with Ashton.

We’re sitting at our weekly lunch, and she looks so beautiful in her sundress, showing her little baby bump. “We should find out what we’re having at my next appointment.” She tells me. “That’s great. Are you wanting a boy or a girl?” I ask. “I’m good either way but we did talk and if we have a girl, we want to name her after Karen.” She tells me. “That’s an amazing tribute.” I tell her. “I’m kind of worried about telling Ashton.” She tells me. “Why?” I ask. “I don’t know. I just don’t know how he will feel calling his niece by his late wife’s name. How do you feel about it?” she asks.

“My opinion doesn’t matter but I love the idea. I know he will always love her and miss her. But I know he loves me. And everything you’ve told me about her and everything he’s told me about her, I think it’s a wonderful idea.” I tell her. “You know, when we first started hanging out, I was worried that bringing up my sister, that you would feel strange talking about her, with you being with Ashton now. But you seem to love hearing about her.” She says. “I do. When Ashton and I first started talking, he told me about her. We both know what it’s like to lose someone, but I know I will never replace her and that’s not what I want. She’s a part of him and you and you two are two of the most important people in my life. That means she’s a part of me. I respect her and I thank her every day for sending me Ashton.” I tell her and she smiles.

“Ashton and I have been talking about starting a safe haven for women and children that have been abused. We’ve been trying to come up with a name and I was thinking about KJ’s Missions.” I tell her. “For Karen and Jason?” she asks, and I nod. “That’s perfect. Now that’s an amazing tribute. You know, when we were younger, before she met Ashton, she had this friend that was being abused by her father. She got her friend the help she needed to leave her father and move in with some relatives that would take better care of her and her father went to prison.” She tells me. “I didn’t know that. Does Ashton know?” I ask and she shakes her head no. “That just makes it more important to name it after her.” I tell her and we go on eating.

On the way home, Nick is driving, and I start to feel nauseous. “Nick, pull over, quick.” I tell him. He pulls over and I jump out of the car with him close behind. I bend over and start to vomit as he rubs my back and holds my hair back. Once I stop vomiting, he hands me a bottle of water and I rinse out my mouth. He helps me to the car and takes me home. He helps me into the house. “I’m fine Nick. It must have been something I ate.” I tell him. “Still. I’d rather help you inside for my own sanity.” He tells me as he helps me to the couch. Nancy walks in and sees him helping me. “What’s wrong?” she asks as she walks up to me and puts her hand to my forehead. “She got sick on the way home. Says she thinks it’s something she ate.” Nick says. Nancy looks at me and says, “You’re not running a fever. Are you still nauseous?” she asks, and I nod my head yes. “Let’s call the doctor.” She tells me. “I’m sure I’m fine.” I tell her and she looks at me like I shouldn’t argue. After making a phone call, she tells me “Nick is taking you to the doctor now. They can fit you in.” she tells me, and I hug her before heading out the door again.

Sitting in one of the exam rooms, Nick in the waiting room, waiting for me, the nurse comes in and takes my weight and vitals. After she leaves, the doctor comes in. “What seems to be the problem, Ms. James? She asks. “I was on the way home from lunch with my best friend and started getting sick. I think it might have been something I ate.” I tell her. “Well, let me ask some questions and see what we’re looking at.” She tells me and I nod my okay. “When was your last period?” she asks. I think for a minute and my eyes go wide. “I was due over a week ago.” I tell her and she says, “Let’s draw some blood and we’ll start with a pregnancy test.” She tells me and I nod again. They draw blood and start to run the test.

It isn’t long before the doctor comes back in and says “So, we don’t need to run any more tests. We did the pregnancy test, and it came back positive.” She tells me and I look at her shocked. “Are you okay?” she asks concerned. “I think so. It’s just…I was pregnant before…” I say and trail off. “How was that pregnancy?” she asks. “It was perfect. I had a boy. He was killed about nine months ago.” I tell her. She steps closer and takes my hand and says, “I’m sorry to hear that but if you’re concerned, we can do appointments every two weeks instead of once a month until you’re more comfortable.” She tells me. “Yeah. That would be good.” I tell her and we do the ultrasound and find out that I’m seven weeks pregnant.

Walking out to the waiting room, I see Nick still sitting there. We walk out the door and he asks, “Are you okay?” I look at him and I’m still in shock. “Yeah. I’m okay. Can we go to the cemetery?” I ask and he nods. “Whatever you need.” He tells me as he opens the door for me. We get to the cemetery, and I walk over to Karen’s grave.

“Hey Karen. Boy, do I need to talk to you. You know Ashton better than I do. I have to tell him something and I know he’ll be happy about it, but I don’t know how to process it myself. I just found out I’m pregnant. You have my son. I’m kinda freaking out here. How do I handle a new baby? I couldn’t protect Jason. I know Ashton would never do anything to hurt me or our baby but…just…how do I handle it?” I ask and just sit there thinking.

After sitting there for a bit, I move to Jason’s grave. “Hey sweet boy. Are you being good for Karen?” I ask his stone. “I have something to tell you. I love you so much, but mommy found out today, you’re going to be a big brother. I’m so sorry I didn’t protect you better baby boy. I promise to protect this baby better than I did you.” I tell him as the tears start to fall. After sitting there for a little longer and getting myself together, I move back to the car and Nick starts to drive us home. “Are you sure you’re okay? Is there anything you need?” he asks. “I’m okay. I promise.” I tell him and he nods before driving me to my appointment with Kathy.

I walk into my appointment and Kathy sees I’ve been crying. “What’s going on?” she asks. “I just came from the cemetery. I had a doctor’s appointment and needed to tell Jason and Karen what they said. Needed to talk it out a little.” I tell her. “What did the doctor say?” she asks. “I’m seven weeks pregnant.” I tell her and she smiles softly. “Congratulations. Tell me what you’re thinking.” She tells me. “I’m freaking out. I mean, I had a perfect pregnancy with Jason. I just couldn’t protect him. I know Ashton will be happy about the baby and I know he’d never hurt me or the baby but..” I stop myself. “You feel like if something happens you won’t be able to protect the baby.” She says and I nod my head yes. “Listen, Izzy. This pregnancy is a good thing. You went through your pregnancy, delivery and death of Jason by yourself but this time you have Ashton, Nancy, and Linda to help you through it this time. And you also have me. I’m here anytime you need to talk. I don’t care if it’s two in the morning. You need me, you can call me.” She tells me. We go on talking until my session is over and I walk out to see Nick waiting on me in the waiting room like he did at the doctor.

Walking into the house, Nancy meets me at the door. “Well?” she asks. I hand her one of the ultrasound pictures and she looks at me and smiles. Cupping my face, she says “It’s going to be fine.” I nod and say, “I know.” And I almost believe it. “Can you tell Ashton I’ll be in the library?” I ask and she nods before I turn and move up the stairs. I go to the library and pick up my book from the coffee table and start to read. I place my water bottle on the coffee table and wait for Ashton to come home.

I’m in there for a couple of hours and have calmed down, and have moved on to another book, when the library door opens. Ashton walks over to me and kisses me softly. “Hey baby. How was your lunch with Linda?” I ask. “Good. Have you talked to her?” I ask. “I did. She called me about the baby’s name.” he says, “What do you think?” I ask. “I think it’s an amazing idea.” He tells me and I smile. I had been trying to figure out how to tell Ashton I was pregnant, and an idea came to me while I was waiting on him. “You want some wine?” he asks as he heads to the bar and pours a glass of Jameson. “No. I have my water.” I tell him and he nods. “Read with me?” I ask and he smiles softly before taking the seat on the other end of the loveseat and opens his book. “What’s this?” he asks. I had folded the ultrasound picture in half and placed it in his book in place of his bookmark. He opens the picture and then looks at me shocked. “Is this?” he asks, and I nod. “I’m seven weeks pregnant.” I tell him. He leans over and kisses me hard. “I love you so f*****g much.” He whispers. “I love you too.” I tell him. He leans back and pulls my feet into his lap and starts rubbing them. “When did you find out?” he asks. “I got sick on the way home from lunch and Nick helped me inside. Nancy got me an appointment and Nick took me. They ran a pregnancy test and found out I’m pregnant. I went to my appointment with Kathy, and she reminded me that even though I went through everything with Jason alone, with this one, I have you and Nancy and I can call her any time I need her.” I tell him. “That’s amazing baby.” He tells me. “How are you with it?” I ask. “I’m happy as hell. But now that just makes what I need to ask you more perfect.” He says and I look at him confused. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ring. “I know I’ve already asked but I’m asking again. Will you marry me?” he asks. I smile and say, “I’d love to.” Before he kisses me again and slips the simple but elegant diamond ring on my finger.