Romance of the Four Juans

Track 12

Kiko balls his fists and unfurls them, takes deep breaths trying to reclaim his calm. When he stood in front of HB, in front of his own sister, his youngest brother, he looked domineering but his voice was softer than when he was venting at his father.

In his mind, Kiko kept repeating to himself, that the girl is still his best friend, maybe the only friend that is left. “Why?”

“Put more words after the question, Kiko.”

“Why did you have to make it complicated by inserting my daughter into the picture?!”

“What could go wrong?”

“What could go wrong?! Bivi is fine in Italy with my parents.”

“Parents? She was with your mother and your stepfather. Your father is inside that house.”

“You over analyzed the situation, Bee. Papa doesn’t need a child running around the house! His mind is already too full, thinking, fearing the sons he hasn’t gotten to know yet!”

“He agreed to help. A child is also a good bridge to foster relationships, Kiko. Bivi will bring you and your brothers closer.”

“You don’t understand, HB. Each of us are dealing with our own little problems. Bonding is bonding, but at the end of the day we will always be forced to be on our own in our path of healing. Bivi will disturb the machinations that we have established so as not to walk on each other. The child is adorable. Sure. But her nature to be curious, to keep asking questions would put everyone in an awkward position, Bee. Have you ever thought about that?”

“Okay. I’ll admit that maybe I miscalculated a little.”

That is what fueled Kiko’s frustration about the matter. A miscalculation? “You miscalculated?! What is wrong with you? Just because you’re right a few times doesn’t mean that you’re right every time. There’s a limit to how nosy you can be, HB. This is one of the few things that you shouldn’t have messed with. This is my life and my daughter’s, which you’re only a part of temporarily.”

“Kuya!” Lucille yells, taking HB’s side in the confrontation, pushing the tiny HB behind her. “Enough.”

“That hurts.” HB murmurs. Then she comes right back, hitting him with words that hurt twice as much. “Calli was right. You are not father material.”

That makes Kiko take a step back. It was the first time he had heard of it.

“So, you bring out someone who’s been gone for years and who left her daughter to someone like you!”

HB glares right back, no longer taking the hurtful words in stride. “You are no better than Calli. At least my friend made decisions about Bivi’s future before she left. You didn’t. You have no plans, whatsoever, Kiko.

Don’t blame me for making that decision on your behalf. I’ll be gone for a year. Take care of Bivi for me doesn’t cut it!”

“It was supposed to be simple, HB. I said I'd be back after a year. Can’t you just stay still and do nothing until that actually happens? A month had already passed... I only have eleven more months to go. Did you think I wouldn’t come back? Why can’t you trust my word?”

“I thought you’re sincerely enjoying spending time with your brothers, spending time getting to know your father. I thought that maybe even after a year, you'd stay in contact with them, but it looks like you won’t be. I thought you would be happy because your daughter is here, that you can finally make up for the last month that you’re not in her life. Yes, I’m wrong...” she says rather sarcastically. “Don’t worry. I’ll try to reform this mistake, somehow.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s my duty. Let me just call your mother, who is probably feeling guilty for going on vacation for the first time in a long time, and let me tell her to go back to Italy this instant, since I’m sending Bivi back because her father doesn’t want her here!” She snaps.

Kiko is jolted back to the reality of life with a friend like HB.

He was reminded of the past five calm years with HB and that mental note at the back of his head not to cross her, which he just did. He immediately thought of something to say but everything that comes to mind is nonsense.

Before he could help himself, he apologized. “I’m not entirely wrong, Bee. Let’s compromise.”

“No. We can’t have a compromise. I’m wrong on all counts, Kiko. I’m sorry. I’ll take Bivi back to Italy.”

“Whatever I said, I said it in the heat of the moment. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t need an apology. Stand there and listen to me.”

“Communication is a two-way street, Honey.” Kiko reminds her.

“I’m only in your lives temporarily, I know that. I am not Bivi’s mother, but I have every right to take her away because I’ve been appointed as her legal guardian. I don’t trust you to care for Bivi’s best interests with this kind of attitude. I told you before, when Calli comes back, I am bound to introduce Bivi because it is her right to get to know her daughter. She has not waived her rights as a parent. But her daughter never asked for her because she has me. I do not want to hurt my friend the moment she comes back. I don’t want her to think that she is not needed or that everything would be fine without her.”

She stops for a moment to breathe. There are a million things that she wanted to say but couldn’t because of the rush of emotions that goes with those words.

“But I also decided a long time ago that I didn’t want to give the child to a stranger. Even if Calli comes back, I won’t simply hand Bivi over to her if I see that she is not fit to be a parent. I would most likely give her to you because she recognizes you as her father, and you have done well so far. I would fight Calli, for Bivi to belong to you alone, but you are not giving me much of a choice. You left her. You don’t even call. That is your daughter, Kiko! To hell with you and Calli!”

“Sorry, HB. I realized I was wrong.”

“No. You realized you made me angry, Kiko. So, try that again next time.”

She turns away.

Kiko doesn’t chase, following an age-old mechanism between them.

Words of apology don’t make any difference. They just need space to cool off.

Lucille removes her right shoe and throws it right at her brother out of her own frustration. It hit Kiko right on the stomach. Though, it didn’t seem to faze the man.

“Why couldn’t you be gentler?” Lucille demanded.

She hops on one foot then bends to retrieve her shoe. Kiko was kind enough to hold her arm as she fit her shoe back to her feet. That gentle hand on her arm calmed her down and made her reveal secrets she was supposed to keep.

“Something happened, kuya. Ate’s father is in the hospital. Their people are saying he might not last long. You know what happens if he dies, right? She will be embroiled in a custody battle.” She watches the play of emotions on her brother’s face, the shock, the pain. She consoles him as best she can with an embrace, her ear pressed to Kiko’s heart. “She didn’t tell you because she knows you’re going through some emotional turmoil with your father as well, that you haven’t unloaded everything you feel about this arrangement. Even so, you should’ve noticed that something was wrong with her.”

Kiko did notice it. He realized now that he didn’t have to ask her about that feeling he had.

“Also, kuya…” Lucille releases him and forces him to look at her in the eye. “Bivi’s mother has been found. I don’t know the exact details because ate HB hasn’t shared everything yet, but she must have a compelling reason why she brought Bivi here. For all we know, the mother might be demanding to have our Bivi back. So, let’s try to hold on to our baby longer, okay?”