Romance of the Four Juans

Track 13

Kiko strode back into their father’s house defeated. All the confidence he held, all the anger he unleashed ricocheted tenfold. He finds his father exactly where he left him. His old man is quick to spread the news to his ex-wife about today’s current events, telling Angel about the words HB had spoken which left an impression on him.

Kiko can’t help but admire his father a little. Even if they’re separated by a great distance, when something happens, Dante’s first thought is to call his ex-wife and share the news. Maybe it was a force of habit or it could be because they were friends first. Either way, the old man’s loyalty towards his ex-wife is commendable.

“I can still hear the girl at the back of my head saying that I should experience reprimanding my sons and they should experience being scolded by me at least once because it will add up to our relationship points. I thought I’d start with Kiko because I had an appropriate situation before me, but I realized that it may be a bad time to conduct an experiment. He’s very angry. I wish you had been here to guide me through it. You were always better at pep talks. But don’t worry about them, whatever argument they had, it’s

probably not something that will shatter a good friendship.”

“It might just…” Kiko intercedes.

Dante ends the call. Seeing his cool son with his head bowed, his shoulders slouched made him sigh. Kiko has returned defeated. “Ahy, no one could win against a woman who knows how to speak her mind, anak. I know because I have never won an argument against your mother, your Tita Angel or even with your well-tempered Tita Candy.”

“Pa. Can you just stand there for a moment and listen to me, please.” He holds his head high and meets his father’s eyes. He also hides both hands in his pockets just to stop them from quivering. “I know you will adore Bivi because you are kind. HB, not only approved of your house, she has approved of you as a person. But I must warn you not to get attached to her too much.”

“Why not?”

“I haven’t recognized her as mine, you see. Bivi carries her mother’s surname. While that is seemingly fine in today’s society, it just doesn’t sit right with my mother because now there are three generations of illegitimate children on her side; her, me, my daughter. I didn’t come here just out of curiosity. My mother kicked me out of the house. It’s her way of forcing me to make a decision about Bivi’s family name.

"It’s easy to recognize Bivi and have the formalities done, but I just couldn’t decide if my last name is good enough for my daughter. I don’t want to give her this surname because this is the name that rejected my mother and vice versa. I only took it not because I was greedy to reinsert myself into mama’s side of the family and inherit. I did it because I was longing for some connection.

"Because as much as my stepfather adores me and respects me as a person, he never broached the subject of formally adopting me into his family. I got tired of waiting. We lived in the same house, I grew up well under their care, but only I have a different family name. We have meals at the same table, but there are moments when I think I’m intruding. So, at the time when they were on the brink of divorce, when mama took us back to this country, when my uncle asked me to be his adopted son, I agreed. But I don’t know if I want my daughter to have this name. I’m not even sure if I’m allowed to pass it to her. That is my truth, papa.”

Dante, moved by his honesty, comes forward to embrace his son.

At the mere contact, Kiko starts to weep, his hands clutched at his father’s back, as if he’s clinging to dear life.

Dante feels his pain. He can relate because he’s been through the same thought process once. Save for the son he claimed that’s unrelated to him by blood, all his biological children do not carry his last name. Since they came to him, he had often dreamt of his long-dead mother laughing at him and insulting him with so many words about that. Dante knows just how suffocating it is to be pressured by parents into doing something. Not only is it suffocating, it is haunting.

So, he planted a kiss on the side of his son’s cheek, acknowledged his faults and voiced his own regrets as he wiped away Kiko’s

tears. “We’ll go. We’ll talk to your uncle and your grandfather. We’ll help you decide on a name you would be proud to pass on, ‘nak.”

After crying his heart out in his father’s arms, Kiko took his sticks and beat his feelings away on the drums. Like a possessed man, he’s performing only for himself without a care for the rest of the world, trying his hardest to clear his head and forget his spat with HB.

But even the drums have ties to his dearest friend. For it was HB who convinced him to learn how to play, as the girl loves band music and cited that rock wouldn’t be rock if she can’t hear the hard beat of the drums. Kiko learned to play for her.

Ah~ Their first fight in years. The last fight was a petty one that turned physical. He cut her hair and she retaliated by giving him his current buzz cut, but they laughed at themselves in the end. This time it is no laughing matter. That dear friend is on her way back to Italy, alone. She’s having a hard time and Kiko feels sorry. He should be with her at this time. But she just pushed him away without even a mention of what she was going through.

It’s unfair. Struggles are meant to be shared with friends.

He’s so mad, because he knows this is not the end of that fight.

Most of all, he is aware that he has already lost.

Two hours of beating the drums like crazy, he emerged out of the music room shirtless. His shirt, soaked in his own sweat, hung on his shoulders. Since he poured his heart out to his father, he can flaunt almost anything about himself, that includes all the marks on his body he tried so hard to cover at first.

It made Huan gasp and touch his sweaty, cold, back when they crossed paths in the kitchen. “Agh~ Dante Silverio will have a heart attack with those tattoos, Kiko.”

“Where is my daughter?”

“Now you remember you have a daughter? Tita Candy has her because our father is still fretting about which room he needs to empty out for our princess.”

Kiko climbs the stairs with him into Jigo’s room, where the third child is still stuck to his bed, entertaining himself with making perfect origami frogs.

“What did our drop out medical student diagnose you with anyway that you’re on bedrest?”

“Slipped disc. It’s so bad, he cannot even walk. But as you said, I’m a dropout, I’m not qualified to give my opinions.” An-An responds, coming out of the bathroom. He plops at the foot of the bed, lying on his stomach as he tries to line up the frogs Jigo made at the edge of the bed.

Kiko sits on the carpeted floor, leaning his back on the bedside table.

“So…” Huan starts, opening a can for Kiko. “Aren’t you ever going to tell us how HB became the mother of your child? I’m not being nosy, it’s just that… you know. Can we still treat her the same way, like a buddy, or should we elevate her status in the family a little?”

Jigo, who'd been kept in the dark about the happenings of their household all day, stiffened at the news. His eyes even darted a deadly glare at Kiko, questioning why he even put his trust in Kiko’s words that he and HB are forever platonic, that they’re more like brother and sister. But his face lights up again when Kiko clarified the whole thing, making An-An, who’s been observing Jigo since their welcome home embrace, stifle a laugh.

“Nothing changes. Bivi calling HB mama couldn’t be helped. We all lived together in one house, and HB is very good at being a mom and my baby just decided that she’s mama, and we never said no because it’s their right to put labels on each other. It’s not anyone’s business. She’s not the one who birthed Bivi, it’s a woman named Callista.”

“You lived together with HB?”

Kiko nods. “We had a spare room in the house after Mira died.”

“What does platonic even mean to you, kuya?” Jigo asks. “Can you tell me please? Because after hearing you say that you lived with each other and that she’s mother to your child, my heart cannot believe you’re just friends.”