Built for sin

Mr. X

CATALINA 

I must have lost my mind, accepting a ride home with Sin, I’d be lying if I said the thought of sitting behind him on his motorcycle didn’t fill me with excitement because it did but what would Mr. X say if he found out? I’d be punished, but it would be worth it so I said yes, so for a moment I could pretend I was normal, this was the closest I’d ever get to freedom, so for now I could pretend that there were no horrors awaiting me tonight, just for now, I could pretend I was like everyone else. Normal.

So that’s what I did for the first time in five years I got to make my own decision as I climbed behind Sin with his helmet on, lacing my hands around his waist, he was much bigger now, more bulky but still his heat burned under my touch, leaning into him as he rode through the quiet streets, darkness had already descended with nothing but the headlights from the motorcycle to guide us on our way, I felt the cold air whip my hair around my shoulders as we soared through the night and I finally felt it.

Just for a moment.

I felt free.

The moment didn’t last long because when he stopped outside my apartment the dread was back, soon I’d be going back out again but not with someone who wanted to keep me safe, no, Mr. X didn’t care about my safety but he wouldn’t let me go, in the beginning I had begged him to kill me, I had awaited death, welcomed it even but it never came, I was just a toy, a toy he liked to play with, he had broken me but still he wouldn’t let me go, broken was how he liked me, submissive and fearful, a good little toy who would obey every sadistic order he would spit at me, no, Mr. X didn’t care for my safety but relished in the fact of telling me he owned me, that I belonged to him, so every time he would text or call with his orders, I obeyed and did as I was told because the punishments were extreme, painful, sadistic and I would rather have died than have to be punished, but after awhile I was numb to it all, I felt nothing and the only sign that I was still alive was the pain from the punishments and I needed to be punished, just so I could feel something, anything that told me, I was here, I still existed, I was alive.

Every mark, every ounce of pain was all for his pleasure, not mine, his.

He had taken every ounce of innocence I had and tainted it with pain, misery and fear.

The pain would go away but the stain on my soul was forever.

“Thanks for the ride Sin”

“Anytime Cat” He beamed at me, that big smile that had often warmed my heart, the creases of laughter lines prominent around his eyes as they lit up.

“What? No smart remark?” I smiled.

“Now when was I ever smart”

“You was the smartest person I knew”

“Well you did hang out with Blaine alot so I can see why you’d think that” I chuckled.

“You should come by my club”

“You have a club?”

“Yeah it’s down town, it’s called Cobra’s” 

“Like the snake?” Sin smiled once more.

“Exactly”

“I will text you the details”

“You don’t have my number”

“Yes I do”

“What?”

“I know your probably wondering why I never text –“

“It was the kiss wasn’t it”

“What, no Cat, that was, well, no, it was something else”

Sin leaned in and covered me in his embrace and for a second I did what I swore I’d never do.

I closed my eyes, letting his musky scent fill me up, taking a mental image of how he smelt and how he felt in my arms, getting drunk off of his scent alone.

Then I did it.

I exhaled.

When Sin left I walked into my apartment, a little lighter than before I left, five years had passed and he still had the ability to knock me off of my feet, standing at the window staring into the moonlight watching it beam down on the nearby trees, I hugged myself and smiled.

I knew Sin was coming to dinner tonight Blaine had warned me, I guess he didn’t want me to run away, he said it was my choice if I turned up or not but it wasn’t really a choice, for five years I’d daydreamed about the moment he would cross my path again because deep down I knew he would and I’d intended to ignore him, not give him the satisfaction but that was the thing about Sin, as mad as you was at him, you couldn’t help but get sucked in to the magic of him, been with Sin was like floating on air and touching the moon, letting all the light fill you up and making you whole again, renewed, refreshed, happy.

He had a way of making you forget your problems and just living in the moment and I had, I’d been in the moment with him and now I’d have somewhere to let my mind wander when I faced Mr. X.

Mr. X may use me and abuse me like a toy but he didn’t have control over my mind or where it wandered, that was all mine and nobody could take that away.

Not even him.

Wearing the skin tight leather dress that barely covered my ass and my black heels, I was ready for Mr. X,  standing outside my apartment waiting in the cold, I shivered as the cold bit my skin, a smart person would have waited in the comfort and warmth of their home but even if I was a second late that would be a punishment, promptness was a must, timing was everything.

I grimaced as I watched the sleek black car pull up beside me, not moving I waited, I was not permitted to enter his car alone, I knew he could see me shivering in the cold but he didn’t care, I stood there standing like a living doll waiting for Mr. X to approach me and allow me entry into his car to begin the nightmare.

Sinking into the leather seat, I finally breathed a sigh of relief at been away from the cold, the heaters blew hot heat around me instantly warming me up, I was grateful for the warmth at last.

The moment he got in the drivers seat, my whole body went rigid, cold shivers ran through my body to the point I was shaking but this time I knew it wasn’t from the cold, it was the fear that took over me every time the demon was in my presence, even after five years Mr. X scared the s**t out of me.

“Put this on” He threw the baroque, lace, midnight eye mask at me, I ran my fingers across the lace feeling the intricate design between my fingertips before quickly putting the eye mask on that now covered half of my face with only my ruby lips showing.

“Good girl”

I kept my head straight ahead, never looking at him, I didn’t utter a word.

“What do you say?”

“Thank you, sir” I shakily answered promptly.

“That’s right, you always say thank you Catalina”

“I have a surprise for you tonight, your going to love it”

“What kind of surprise?”

“One you’ll never forget” I could feel the smile in his words as I felt the car slowly move.