The Seven Faces of Death

It Starts with the EndSwallowing, I let out a shaky breath. Cars rushed past me on the six lane highway of highway bridge, the stream of wind ripping at the ratty clothes I’d worn for months. A thick blanket of grey clouds pressed down on me, losing a steady drip-drop of rain over Michigan… not a raging thunderstorm to underline my dramatic ending, not even enough to soak me. Just a soft drizzle, enough to annoy the hell out of everyone outside and chill them to the bones. And the view… well, the concrete block of architecture that was Zilwaukee Bridge wasn’t exactly breathtaking when the sun shone, never mind today. Cars honked. Smoke wafted from a Prius’s hood as it rolled to a stop a good distance ahead. Birds screamed. Music blared before it disappeared again. This was not a good place to die. But it would work – it had to. The pressure on my rib cage expanded, and my hands started to shake. Funny, how I was just as nervous today as I had been the last four times I’d tried to kill myself. You’d think I’d gotten some routine, but no. The fear never completely left. At least when it came to me. I still didn’t get it though. It wasn’t like I was just tired of life. I wasn’t weak. I actually had a valid reason for this: Amanda. The love of my life. I pulled out the worn picture out of my dirty, stinking sweater’s pocket. The pretty, usually quite shy woman had her heart in her eyes as she beamed at the camera, at the man who’d taken the picture – me. Her hair shone auburn in the sunlight, and she seemed joyful, careless… happy, even. She’d been the light of my life. The only good thing in it, really. I knew that it sounded cliché, but it was true. Nothing made sense without her any longer. Nothing. She’d been the only person who’d ever really loved me – my parents had given up on me when I was eight, my foster families had been hell, and the only other person I’d bonded with had sent me back into the system, too. There’s only ever been Amanda. And then… then she was gone. I’d tried to heal – after. No one could say that I hadn’t tried. But I was too broken, I… I had loved her too much to let go. So I’d made a choice: if I couldn’t heal, if I couldn’t stop the pain, then… then I’d follow her to wherever she was. Into the afterlife she’d sworn existed. And there we’d have forever. “Sir?” a bell-like, childish voice suddenly called beside me, and I jumped. “Excuse me?” My eyes widened at the sight of the little boy next to me, with angelically blond hair and blue eyes, thick, round glasses, and a medical strip that taped shut a scratch on his forehead. He couldn’t be older than seven. And he was on the side of a highway! Alone! “Yeah?” I croaked, panic rising at the kid’s behalf. How had he gotten here? Where were his parents…? “Our car exploded,” he told me matter-of-factly, the voice as clear as bell’s, and my brows shot to the skies. “Exploded?” He nodded, stretching out his finger to point at… the smoking Prius. Well, I thought with some measure of relief, “smoking” was close enough to “explosion,” I guessed. At least when you were seven. “Can you help us, Sir?” the little boy begged, blinking his round, innocent eyes. “Do your parents know that you’re here?” I demanded dumbly, because… yeah, some adults were crazy. But thankfully, the boy shook his head. “No,” he said for emphasis. “I saw you, and I thought I surprise them!” That would be a surprise indeed. “You really shouldn’t do that,” I chided. “Didn’t your Momma tell you not to talk to strangers? And don’t leave your parents in a place like this. They’ll just worry about you – for good reason.” The little guy’s face scrunched up, and he stared at the tips of his red-and-white shoes – with purple laces, I noticed to my surprise. “Sooorryyy,” he dragged out. “I won’t do it again.” But after a second or so, his head snapped up again. “You will come and help us anyway, right? Pleeease?” Pressure clamped down on my chest and breathing got hard. I… I couldn’t really do this. Say No to a little boy like that. But I also couldn’t help him. Who knew what the parents would do when they put two and two together about why I was here? Besides, I had a lady waiting for me. And she’d waited far too long for me already… we both had. I couldn’t afford a delay, or worse, people who wanted to be helpful and made this even harder. So I sucked in a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” I said hoarsely, caressing the old photography while I lied to a seven-year-old. A new low of my life. “But I really don’t know first thing about cars.” The boy’s face fell, and my vision blurred as he thanked me and said goodbye. And that show of manners broke my heart. But it was done. Shaking off the heaviness, I turned to the road again. I would give the boy a couple of minutes to get back to his parents. Hopefully, he wouldn’t see what I was about to do next. Because… I was about to do it. I couldn’t – couldn’t hold out any longer. Waiting a couple of heartbeats longer, I finally let out a shaky breath. And said goodbye. With a fingertip that I smoothed over the photography in a caress. With a last breath that pumped reeking air into my lungs. And a prayer to a God that I didn’t believe in, but that I hoped existed – for Amanda’s sake. And then, with my eyes pressed shut and her name on my lips, I hauled my legs over the barrier and took a step forward. And another one. Cars honked, brakes screeched, but I knew they wouldn’t be able to stop any longer… “Sir?!” My eyes flew open, and I started to turn, but it was too late – the crashing noise of a body hitting a car vibrated in my bones – just mine? Or the boy’s as well? Gravity gave up on me as I flew through the air, free as a bird, and then, everything turned black. Merciful, beautiful, wonderful black. And everything: the fear, the pain, and even the last question I’d had, it all faded away.