THE SEARCH FOR IDENTITY
1655 Words
“I actually do not have the slightest interest in having fun, Doc. My apologies”
I said it straight to his face with a serious expression which made him drop his smile and slowly nodded, completely understanding my point.
He’s handsome¸ I get it. But my instinct is to tell me not to mind him and focus on the matters at hand.
I’ve got loads of things given to me by a familiar woman who turned out to be my Mom.
I see an I.D. with my face on it and a badge, but I can’t remember anything about it, which is definitely frustrating. I have to stay here and lie in bed the whole day, doing nothing except to wait for the doctor and the nurses to come in and do their work, making me feel like a disabled person.
“Is there really no chance left that I might regain my memory, Doc?”
He was taken aback by the looks of it as he remained his silence and sighed.
“I’m sorry to say it to you. But I don’t think you’ve got a chance in that matter. If you’re worried about how to continue your life with the biggest part of it gone, it’s gonna be all right. You just have to start living your life with the thought that today is your first day. All of my patients who have suffered amnesia from the same case as yours began suffering and had difficulty adjusting to the empty memories they have, but they have all turned out living their lives greatly now”
I’m not taking that for an answer.
I can't forget what happened in my life for the past decade.
That's more than just a chip in my memory that was last. It's almost half like the entire hard disk of a computer, metamorphically saying.
I can’t not regain my memory.
There must have been a reason why I got myself in that accident. I couldn’t have been the one to cause the accident, and I’m sure of that. Something from the back of my head is telling me there’s something bigger behind this matter, and I have to regain my memory if I want to know what the truth is.
“By the way, Doc, when you found me, did you perhaps took my belongings with you?”
“I’m afraid I do not have the authority for those. I saw all of your belongings all intact inside the car, but I did not dare take them with me at that moment because your safety is what’s more important. I believe the police took it.”
I just need my phone.
I need to have my phone to start with something.
My desire to get out of this hospital is growing. I feel like something big is really going on out there while I lie all protected inside the four walls of this hospital room.
If Mom said that I had been living on my own when I was 18, I would have left my traces or memos in my house. Something even the tiniest detail as long as it can be something I can use to start my investigation.
“Then do you know my address?”
He raised the corner of his eyebrow upon hearing my question, while I looked at him straight in the eye in case he tries to lie to me, I could catch him in an instant.
“I’m not sure about the reason you’re asking me this.”
“Do you know my address? Just answer the question if you want and say no if you don’t want to”
“Why are you in such a rush?”
“I just need an answer, Doc.”
He was dragging the conversation with useless questions when I just needed an answer.
I have to know something before the daylight comes or else I won’t be settled for the whole day tomorrow. I need to find out something, whether a tiny clue or a big one.
I don’t know myself anymore.
It’s like I woke up one day in the body of a grown woman and I had no idea how it happened.
I can easily remember I was just a kid yesterday, and when I woke up, at least a decade had passed and everything had changed. The feeling of unfamiliarity is giving me the worst fear I could ever feel. Fear of the unknown. That something is definitely going on but I can’t tell in particular.
“It’s on your personal record.”
I nodded in relief and stared at the moon outside. I guess I’ll be able to find something before the sun rises. That’s good.
“I don’t want to have fun. But I want to go out, so can you help me with that?”
He just chuckled in response and rose from sitting on the bed, picking up his things on the table and looked at me seriously.
“I believe I’m finished with everything that I need to do. You should take a rest now.”
That was unbelievable just now.
Did he just leave?
He did! He walked out of the door without sparing me a stare and completely disappeared.
I was still in awe that I had not left my stare on the door for some seconds later until it opened back and his head peeked in. Well, I was staring right at the door the whole time, so he peeked his head in and looked at me, so our gazes met in an instant.
It must have taken him by surprise to see that I was all looking at him the moment he opened the door. I guess he wanted to peek in without wanting me to notice that he was back and he’d just close the door right after checking what I was up to, leaving me with absolutely no idea what he was doing. Fortunately, and unfortunate for him, I kept my eyes on the door the whole time. An instinct that says he’d be curious to know what I’d be up to.
My instincts never get me wrong.
So you should trust yours too.
“What are you doing in there? Peeking to see what I’m up to?”
He sighed before opening the door and completely walked his body inside the room before closing the door.
“You said you wanted to go out. My night shift is up, go change into thin clothes”
“Come in again? The changing into thin clothes just sounds weird to me.”
He rolled his eyes as I asked for clarification while I waited for it.
“You’ll need to change into thin clothes so I can get you out with no one noticing.”
I was still contemplating the process of helping me get out of here without the police noticing, and how wearing a thin fabric would help me a big deal. But I didn’t want to keep myself inside this hospital any longer so I immediately started changing my clothes. Of course, he had to turn around while I changed.
Mom surprisingly left me clothes inside the hospital for whatever reason I do not bother knowing. I just opened the bag and started finding the thinnest clothes I could find inside, still wondering how it would help me.
“Okay, you can turn around now.”
I said after I had completely changed clothes and he turned around immediately checking the clothes that I was wearing. If someone stared at me that way randomly in the streets, I’d definitely throw my punch right in his face.
“What now? Can you please tell me how wearing thin clothes is gonna help me get out of here?”
He nodded first, in approval of what I was wearing, as if I needed his approval of what I had to wear.
“That’s good. Now, listen to me. The only exit door that is not guarded by the police your Dad put in this hospital is the exit door by the morgue.”
Slowly I was understanding what he was trying to point out.
So if the exit door of the morgue is the only door out that is not heavily guarded, then I’m sure he’ll let me out through there.
“And?”
“Well, basically you cannot go to the morgue, unless you’re dead.”
“All right. I think I know where this is going.”
Everything is getting clearer now and I can finally solve the entire process of how we are gonna get out of here. But the part of me having to wear the thin clothes remains a mystery.
“So if I can’t enter the morgue unless I’m dead, I have to act like I’m dead all the way, right?”
“Yeah. And you’ll have to wear thin clothes so it doesn’t get too obvious that you’re wearing clothes beneath the sheet. A dead body admitted to the morgue is not wearing anything, if you don’t know that”
Mystery solved!
“All right then, let’s go.”
“Don’t act suspicious and behave normally while you follow my lead. You get me?”
“Are you going to talk in this tone the whole time?”
He was so into this weird character that is probably freaking me out more than sneaking out of this hospital does. He looked like Sherlock Holmes but he was anxious and ventilating after not being able to sleep for the past 72 hours and drank at least ten liters of purely brewed coffee beans.
“What kind of tone?”
“You’re making this look like we’re on a secret mission to free some hostages over a territorial dispute. Do me a favor, don’t act like we’re shooting an action movie.”
- Writer
