Not the girl next door

My life has changed this past year, I know that. But even though I will never get that life back I somehow find the courage to live this one. My alarm goes off at 6 every morning, I never press the snooze button as doing that means more time in bed which means my mind wonders. I’m up, brush my teeth, put my hair in a ponytail and and put on a Lululemon workout set. I tiptoe down stairs and put on my running shoes. It’s pitch black outside, just the way I like it. I stretch, put in my AirPods and start on my daily run. I’ve always loved running, it takes me somewhere where I don’t think I just move, that part of me has never changed. My route is always the same, I run through the outskirts of town past the fire station, The high school and towards the cemetery .. my least favourite part. I end my run at daisies cafe, this is my place, the only place that feels like home. My mom and I used to come here every Friday after school, Daisy the owner was my moms best friend. My coffee is ready like clockwork every morning, the best thing about Daisy is that she never expects me to stop for a chat, instead she hands me my coffee with a warm smile and off I go. I usually walk home the long way to avoid the cemetery, my father gets up and leaves while I’m out running meaning we don’t have any awkward run ins. My father and I see each other about twice a month, and that’s usually an accidental run in. He work a lot, gets up while I’m out and comes home either while I’m asleep or locked away in my room. He travels for work more than he ever did meaning I have the house to myself. I walk though the door after my run, its already starting to heat up, I love spring it has always been my favourite season, the smell the chill in the evening but warmth in the day. I shower, wash my hair and chose an outfit for school. Last year choosing an outfit would have been a hard decision, as the most popular girl in school I did have an image to uphold. This year though I had zero care factor. Denim shots, a white cropped tshirt and my converse. I brush my hair, pack my bag and start on my walk to school. As hard as this past year has been I’ve managed to keep up my grades, I know my mom would have wanted me to. After my junior year i have a year left till college which means getting away from a father who hates me. My mom’s dream was always Harvard and that was mine to, so I’m determined to make her proud. School is the same everyday, I keep my head down, go to class, eat my lunch and go home. I do my best to drown out the noise and avoid as many people as I can. I have one friend, Able. Last year I didn’t even know he existed, I was too self centred to even care I he did. But after the funeral he showed up at my door with his father to share their condolences. He lost his mother too and I guess we connected over that. I still feel guilty for all those years not knowing him, he was my best friend and I only wished he had been in my life longer. Able was is a force, he gives no f***s what anyone thinks of him and has the biggest heart of anyone I know. He came out to his dad at 12 and since then has been walking around with his diva crown proudly. “Hey girl” he yells out as he waits for me at the gate to the school, I never asked him to meet me here but he has, everyday for the past year. As much as I dismiss it and wish I could walk through school invisible I am a little thankful at times I don’t have to. “Hey Able” I say quietly, we walk through the gates while Able tells me about his date on the weekend with some guy he met at the supermarket. “What did you do this weekend?” He asks, “oh nothing really I say, homework, running and hiding from my father” I say with a slight giggle. Able rolls his eyes and very sternly says “next time he’s in town your spending the weekend at my house, you’re too beautiful and fun to be hiding away” Fun I think we’ll if he thinks I’m fun he must be delusional, suddenly my thoughts are disrupted by a familiar group of voices that I avoid hearing everyday.