I love you, in Heaven

Dead leaves fall out of the tree Snowflakes were melt, finally The vision turned into blurry Does love considered as free? Sure or uncertainty Wrong or right But, what if blue and green turned into white Earth into heaven? Alive into death and Death into alive... -------------- In heaven, souls were being judged whether they remained dead or bring back to life. In heaven, you will able to meet those people who tied you in their lives. In heaven, there is called 'The Journey of afterlife' wherein you will reminisce your past when you're alive. In heaven, time isn't existing. In heaven, you are only officially dead when you able to take the 40 days in entering the Kingdom of Almighty. In heaven, everything is possible. -------------- THE BEGINNING OF ENDING YEAR 1995 Sunday, 10:48 am (minutes before my death) "Martha, hold on okay? s**t!" I heard my bestfriend gritting her teeth and yelling a thousand of curses while biting her nails. Umuubo ako and holy s**t, I don't feel anything. My body went numb and I can't feel my... "I-I... I can't feel my f*****g heartbeat, damn" bulong ko habang nakikita kong umiiyak na si Ezrah. "Damn, martha! You're in the edge of dying and you have the time to curse! Just don't speak, we're almost there malapit na tayo sa hospital. Please, hold on!" hinawakan ni Ezrah ang kamay ko and I think we're here in the ambulance. I tried to smirked and f*****g shit... I can see my blood covering my whole damn body. Nagsusuka ako ng dugo at hinigpitan naman ni Ez ang pagkakahawak sa aking kamay. "I... I won't die anyway. S-Sabi nga nila matagal mamatay ang mga m-masasamang... Damo", I tried to speak too but I feel tired like my energy are draining slowly 'till I feel numb. Hindi ako mamamatay dahil marami pa 'kong kailangan pagbayaran na hindi man kailan mababayad ng pera. "Don't close your eyes, M-Martha please! Please!" Sigaw ng kaibigan ko. Hindi ko alam bakit naka-abot pa kami sa hospital. "Doc, please my friend got shot on her heart. Please, do something!" Naging malabo na ang mga ibang sinabi niya. Nanghihina na'ko. Wala akong maramdaman. Like, my body are seperating slowly and I can't breathe... Liwanag galing sa hospital ang nakikita ko at biglang bumibilis ang mga galaw sa paligid at ikot ng mundo pero parang ang paghinga ko ay bumabagal. Kung ito na nga ang oras ko at kung ang buhay ko ang kabayaran sa lahat, then I'm willing to surrender. Tsk. I'm also sicked with this life. Kung man mamamatay na'ko... Mom and Dad... Parating na'ko. Mga ilan segundo pa ang lumipas at isang manipis na tusok ang naramdaman ko. Parang may kung anong dumaloy sa aking katawan at mas nanghina ako. My eyes were slowly closing. I heard a white sound from the unknown and later on... Everything went black. ~Flashback~ Pinapaliguan ko ang mga barbie ko kailangan mabango rin sila. I was 12 years old. Pure and innocent. Complete family, lot of friends, good in school and most of all a loving daughter. Bumaba ako wearing my denim mini palda and an off-shoulder with my backpack plus barbie on my arm. Aalis kami today because it's sunday. Tuwing linggo ay nagsisimba kami at pumupuntankami sa favorite place namin na Amusement Park. "Daddy, can I bring lorry with us? Lorry will be lonely" I pouted my lips and stare at him. Lumuhod si daddy si we can be at the same level. "Who's lorry, honey?" "My barbie" Tumawa si daddy at tinapik niya ang ulo ko, "Sure, honey. Everything you want". Dad gave me everything I want. He gave me his time and attention, too. He also feed me with his love that I don't think I can wish for anything in this world anymore because I have him. It feels like he is my King. A king who who always protect his Princess. When I turned 17 years old, adolescent attacked me so much. I learned how to dress appropriately, etiquette of being a lady, composed of proper and well-matured and the things I like increase more. Even boys. "Anak, can we talk", I heard my mom knocking at my door while I'm here crying alone and miserable in my dark room. Agaran kong pinunasan ang mga mata ko galing sa iyak at sinarado ko ang laptop ko. Hindi pa'ko nakakatayo at nakita ko na si mommy na pumasok. Dahan-dahan akong umupo sa kama at iniiwas ko ang mukha ko sakaniya. Ayokong makita niya na umiiyak ako... Sa isang lalaki. "Honey..." I swallowed hard and I felt her hands on mine, "I know there's something wrong, and I won't force you to tell it but remember I'm here, okay?" She held my chin and she look at my eyes. "M-Mom..." "Hmm" she tried to smile at umupo na siya sa tabi ko. "Before you met, dad. Is there someone you ever loved before him?" Tumingin siya sa taas at nag-isip, "Well, meron naman anak. Why?" "Sinaktan ka ba ng taong 'yon, mom? Is it his fault, then?" "Yes?" Umubo siya at mas lumapit, "Well, parehas kaming nagkasakitan that time. Nasira ang relasyon namin at hindi na naayos" "P-Paano ka nakapag move-on, mom?" Nanliit ang kaniyang mata na tinitigan ako na para bang isa siyang investigator sa ginawad niyang tingin, "Wait... Is there someone broked your heart?" Kumunot ang kaniyang noo. "Mom, just answer my question. Please?" Nagkibit-balikat siya, "Okay, so listen to me carefully honey. For instance, you tied a rope on a tree. You are eager to get it so the only thing you do is to pull it and pull it. However, the more you tightly hold unto to the rope while pulling it, the more wounds and pain you gain. Ikaw ang tatanungin ko, ano ang susunod mong gagawin?" Kumunot ang noo ko at ngumuso ako at pinagkrus ko ang aking mga kamay. "Then, what?" "Think about that, the pain represent the rope, plus the tree represents the person you holding on and of course you represents your hands" Mas kumunot ang noo ko. "What? I don't get it, mom" Nagbuga siya ng hininga, "I'm telling you is to let go. So you can move on. Kailangan mong bitawan ang mga tao o bagay na nakakapagsugat sa puso mo. Kahit anong pilit mong hila o gawin, kung nasasaktan ka lang sa bandang huli then all you can do is to... Let go. You must accept, let go and move on, anak" she smiled at me like she's convincing me that everything will fall back to its places. When I turned 21, there I met Ezrah Lene Solomon, my bestfriend. For how many years, ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng totoong kaibigan. She's one of my colleagues in work. I tell her everything... Even my secrets. ~End of flashback~ I open my eyes, and I saw a fog and white surroundings. What's going on? Where am I? The last thing I remember was busy people, fluorescent, noises, blood, and injection. Tinignan ko ang buong katawan ko at nakitang buo ito at wala akong nararamdaman na masakit. I am fit and healthy. Pero ang damit na suot-suot ko ay ang damit bago ako mamatay. White Longsleeve and a skinny pants with my stilettos. Walang bakas na dugo. Where am I? Naglakad ako ng dahan-dahan, wala akong makita kung hindi makakapal na fog at maputing kapaligiran. As I was walking, I heard some sounds hindi ko maintindihan at sa aking paglalakad nakakita ako ng mga taong malabo ang kanilang mukha. My jaw dropped when I realized where I am. This is the place where... I got shot. "Bakit ako nandito?" Walang salitang lumabas sa'kin at naiwan lamang sa aking utak. I... I can't speak. No words form out of my mouth. What's going on? Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa amusement park. And there I saw childrens playing around. Mga hagikgikan mapa-bata man o matanda. Malalabo ang kanilang mukha pero bakas sa kanilang boses ang saya. Biglang may humila sa'king damit. When I look who is it, a young and beautiful girl wearing an off-shoulder dress with a doll on her arm. "Can you hold this for me?" Sabay angat niya sakaniyang doll, "Babies are not allowed in there" sabay turo niya sa ferris wheel. "But I want to ride, can you hold it for a while? Can you?" She smiles at me. Napangiti naman ako sakaniya dahil mahilig talaga ako sa mga bata lalo na sa tuwing ngumingiti sila. May kung ano akong naramdaman sa tuwing tumititig siya sa aking mga mata. Dahan-dahan akong tumango at kinuha ko ang barbie niya at humagikgik siya sa tuwa, tumakbo siya at masaya siyang pumunta sa ferris wheel at kumaway pa siya sa'kin bago sumakay. She's really a jolly and sweet little young girl. Ang swerte siguro ng mga magulang niya dahil mukhang mapagmahal itong batang 'to. Sana marami rin batang ganyan na nabubuhay, hindi 'yung mga bata na mamalditahan ka pa! Kumaway pa siya ngunit nawala siya bigla. Isang kurap lang ay nawala na ang batang babae at nang nilingon ko ang aking hawak-hawak sa kamay, wala na ang manika. The little girl disappear and so the doll. Napaatras ako dahil sa gulat at may natamaan sa aking likod. Lumingon ako isang lalaking matangkad at matipuno na nakabunggo ko. "Sorry", wika ko at mas pinagmasdan siya. "Ako dapat ang magsorry" ngumiti siya at nagtaas ng kilay. He is tall and fit. He is wearing a maong pants and a white shirt na may naka sulat sa gitna na The Good Pervert. Ngumisi ako at kumunot ang kaniyang noo, he crossed his arms which protrude his biceps and his jawline even defined. I can say he's totally handsome. Where am I? Why I am seeing an angel right now? Napatigil lang ako sa pag-iisip ng may natanto... "Paano mo'ko naririnig?" Wala pa rin akong boses at nasa isip ko lang 'to. "Naririnig ko ang mga sinasabi ng isip mo", even his voice was deep but filled with coldness. Does that mean alam niya ang mga nasa isip ko?! Napatikom ako ng bibig, kahit na wala naman akong boses. Wait! He's fooling me! I hissed, "Tss, are you kidding me?" Tumawa nalang ako. "No" tipid niya sagot. "What?" Ano bang pinagsasabi niya? "Totoo ang sinasabi ko at seryoso ako" Yeah, he looks so serious. But expression can be decieving. Nagtaas ako ng kilay para ipakita sakaniyang hindi pa rin ako naniniwala, "Kung gano'n, ano ang nasa isip ko?" "Sigurado ka 'yan ang tanong mo? Na tinanong mo kung ano ang nasa isip mo?" Tanong niya. Aba! T-Teka! Bakit... Namilog ang mga mata ko. Kung gano'n, nababasa nga niya? Weird! He's terribly weird! Anak ba siya ng mangkukulam o isa siyang manghuhula! Gosh nangingilabot ako! G'wapo sana siya kaso nagbabasa siya ng isip. Argh "Ang sakit naman n'yan" napamulsa siya at niliit ang mga mata, "Alam mo bang masama 'yan dito?" Ang alin? Dito? May nakalagay ba na restricted area to at bawal sa mga judgemental na tulad ko? "Huh?" "Bawal dito ang back-compliment at lalo na ang manghusga sa kapwa" wika niya at napasapo ako ng bibig kahit wala naman akong boses. Omg! Nabasa niya ang mga nasa isip ko? I-Ibig sabihin naiintindihan nga niya? Tinignan ko siya ulo hanggang paa tsaka ako napaatras. "Wag kang matakot sa'kin. Hindi ako masamang tao" ngumiti siya at tinapik ang ulo ko, "Kapag narinig ko na muli ang boses mo, hindi ko na maririnig pa kung ano ang sinasabi ng isip mo" tinaas niya pa ang kanang kamay at imunuwestra ang palad, "I promise" tsaka siya ngumiti gamit ang maninipis na labi. Napalunok ako. "Hmmm... How is that possible?" Tanong ko sa isip ko at nagtaas ng isang kilay. He tilted his head and smile! Omg! Tinarayan ko na nga eh! "In heaven, everything is possible" ngumiti siya muli at hinawakan ang aking kamay tsaka na kami naglakad. "Kaya ako ang bahala sa'yo rito" Ngunit hindi pa'ko nakakahakbang ay napatigil ako sa sinabi niya... "H-Heaven?" Narinig ko ang boses ko, finally! Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at hinawakan ang lalamunan ko. May boses na'ko! Tumango naman siya at tuwang-tuwa rin tulad ko. Daig niya pa'ko kung makangiti na akala mo siya ang nagkaroon at nabalik ang boses. Pero, wait!!! Nabanggit niya ay heaven. Totoo bang nasa langit na'ko at wala na'ko sa mundo?! Pero... Paano? "Sandale... Paanong... Heaven? What?! I don't get it. Please, enlightened me. Bakit ako nasa langit?" Tanong ko at hindi ko pa rin alam na... Patay na 'ko? For real?! "This is heaven a place for souls" he said. Hindi na siya ngumiti pero hindi pa rin nawala ang titig niya sa'kin. Kung gano'n... Patay na 'ko? Hindi maaari! Para akong sinampal sa narinig, "W-Wait... Why? I mean, I didn't survive? I only remember I was dying yes but someone injected me I thought they're doing something so I can live. What happen? D-Did they killed me?" Matagal siyang sumagot, "That's why you're here. So, you can able to know how you died" "B-But heaven..." Pabulong kong sambit "What about it?" He asked. "This isn't my place!" "Uh-huh?" Nilagay na niya ang kaniyang kamay sa bulsa niya. "Hindi ako nararapat dito! I'm not a good person. I fought at random people in a random times! I cursed! I lied! Countless of sins I already done! Baka nga nagawa ko na ang buong 7 deadly sins sa isang linggo. Then, why I am here?!" "To teach you lessons. Para maituloy ang mga naudlot sa mundo" "H-How?" "You'll see in your journey" "Patay na'ko?" "Anong ginagawa mo rito kung hindi ka pa patay? Namamasyal?" Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. Oh, this man is making me crazy! "P-Pinatay ba nila 'ko? Tell me! Wait... I don't wanna know. Tss, hindi na'ko magtataka" ngumisi ako. "Stop thinking that" "My life is a mess. Maraming may galit sa'kin. Ano pa ang itutuloy ko kung gano'n? Gumigising lang ako para huminga but... Even my breathe is nonsense. My life is worthless, and there is no way to continue everything because everyday is wasted. My life is wasted" "Pero pwede kang magsimula" "But... I'm dead" "Death isn't about just endings, sometimes... Ending means the beginning" "What?" Hinawakan niya ang aking braso at pinalingon niya ako sa amusement park. "Look at those people, aren't they happy?" "They are", sagot ko. "But their lives in earth before were full of despair, grief and pain. Behind those laughs and giggles... Believe me, they are in deep sorrow when they're alive back then. May kaniya-kaniya tayong istorya. At dito sa langit... Ang panibagong kabanata" Lumingon ako sakaniya, "How can you say that?" "I just know" "You're... Different", bumaling siya sa sinabi ko. "We are" ngumiti siya. "Deaths are the ending in earth... But in heaven, it is the beginning for souls" Ngumiti ulit siya at nakita ko sa mga mata niya na kailangan kong maniwala sa kaniyang sinasabi. Hinawakan niya ang aking kamay at napatingin ako ro'n. "Ang tagal kitang hinintay at ngayon... Kasama na kita" pinisil niya ang aking kamay at mas hinigpitan 'yon. "Welcome in heaven, Martha"