The pain he never knew (Book 1)

2

Chapter 2

"We are all gathered here today to celebrate the life of an amazing person, a colleague, a friend, a wife, and a mother of one. We are here to see her off, but at the same time, mourn, for she will no longer be with us and experience life...."

Naririnig ko pang anunsiyo ng pare sa altar. But i was too preoccupied to even listen. Even 'till now, hindi ko pa rin matanggap that i would experience my mother's funeral. I mean, lahat naman ng tao namamatay, and she isn't an exemption . But I didn't now it would be this early. It was too sudden...I wasn't ready.

Naramdaman ko ang mariing paghawak ni daddy sa kamay ko. Napatingin ako sa kaniya. Minuwestra niya ang harapan na kung saan ay hindi ko namalayan na tintawag na pala ako ng pari.

"Again, let's hear it from her daughter, zephyrine linett Nava. Hija, would you like to share a eulogy for your mother?"

Nagkatinginan kami ni dad. Through the thick black shades that i was wearing, i can see depression in his eyes, but even though, he managed to flash a small smile at me. Napakagat ako sa labi at dahan-dahang umiling. Hindi ko kaya, hindi ko alam kung makakapagsalita ako sa harap ng maraming tao without breaking down.

Instead of me, siya ang tumayo at pumunta sa harapan. The priest considered. Siguro nakita niya ang pag-iling ko. Behind the wooden lectern, there he stood, with eyes glimmering of tears. Tumikhim siya.

"F-first of all, i would like to thank each and one of you for coming and join us mourn." Dad sighed loudly, stopping his tears for falling, "We all wanted to feel loved and remembered right? I mean, who wouldn't? But how would we know that we are cherished when we're already gone—when s-she's already gone.

My wife's life is only burrowed, and i am not the one to decide when her burrowed life has to be taken. Her timely demise was—"

For someone who side glances at me right now, they could really tell that i was tearing up, but it was only silent, it can be unheard, i made sure of it. Inayos ko ang salamin sa mata at bahagyang pinunasan iyon dahil nagsimula nang manlabo. Looking at my father above the altar, gripping tightly on the paper he was holding, trying hard not to choke, hindi ko maiwasang hindi masaktan. These past few days had been tough for me, and it was even tougher for him. Losing the love of your life is no joke. Losing your daughter's mother is no joke. That's why I couldn't blame him for being pained and miserable.

I was wiping the blurry tears on my eyes nang maramdaman kong may umupo sa tabi ko. Nakaupo ako sa pinakaunang upuan dito sa simbahan kaya walang nag-abalang umupo sa tabi naming mag-ama.

"Nasaan na ang binigay ko sayong panyo no'ng isang araw?" Someone asked formally.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?" I uttered, trying to act coldly. Nilingon ko siya ang he was a meter away from me. He looks super masculine wearing a black polo long sleeves, khaki shorts and loafers shoes. Nanunuot ang panlalaking pabango niya sa aking ilong. I didn't always like the manly scent of boys, it makes me feel dizzy. But this guy, he's an exception.

"I told you I'd come back, didn't i? So here i am. At your service zy" aniya at bahagyang tinaas ang aviators na suot sabay kindat. The smirk on his face makes him look sexy and a bit cocky.

Inirapan ko siya pero hindi niya naman iyon nakita dahil sa malaking sunglasses na suot. "Zy?" Napapantastikuhan kong tanong. Tumango naman siya.

"Zy. My nickname for you"

"Isn't zyline the nickname you made for me?" Napaisip siya.

"Then it will be your nickname's nickname then." He lowly chuckled.

"Stop pestering me. I'm mourning." Ani ko at humarap na sabay halukipkip.

"Later then" hindi ko na siya pinansin. Tinuon ko na lamang ang atensyon sa amang nagdadrama sa harap.

"Dad? Are you okay? Do you want something to eat? Anything?" Pag-aalo ko sa amang nakatayo pa din sa puntod ng aking ina. It's been an hour already pagkatapos ma libing ang ina, and he still didn't left his post. Nakatulala lang siya doon, hindi nagsasalita.

"Tubig dad, gusto mo? O di kaya maupo ka nalang? Halika" Inaalayan ko siyang maupo sa damo pero hindi pa rin siya nagpatianod. Napabuntong hininga ako. "Dad? Aren't you tired? Kanina ka pa nakatayo dito. The guests...unti-unti na silang nagsiuwian. Aren't you just gonna greet them goodbye Or...at least thank them for coming?

Again, no response. Napatingin ako sa lapida na kung saan naka engrave ang pangalan ni mommy.

"Dad?" I whispered, now i was in the verge of crying. I was holding it up kanina pa habang unti-unting tinatabunan ng buhangin ang kabaong ni mommy. Looking at her tomb, it makes me realize na talagang wala na siya. Niyakap ko siya sa beywang. "Dad? I-i wouldn't lose you too right?...I-i wouldn't lose you too?" I whispered making him look at me sadly. Malungkot siyang ngumiti at dahan-dahang umiling, making me smile at his assurance.

"Eduardo" tawag ng tao sa likod namin. Sabay kaming napalingon ni dad.

"Tito! Tita!" Napadako ang tingin ko sa anak nila na tahimik lamang sa kanilang likuran. "Bakit pa po kayo nandito? I thought you left with the other guests?" Tita smiled at me before leaning and giving me a tight hug. Bahagya niya pang hinaplos ang likod ko.

"We just wanted to have a quick talk with your dad." Ani ni tito alfonso sa seryosong boses.

"Now is not the right time alfonso. As you can see, Me and my daughter are still mourning." Tugon naman ni dad sa mahina pero pinal na boses. Umiling-iling si tito.

"This isn't about that Eduardo. We are just worried about you and your daughter." Dumako ang tingin niya sa akin. "We saw you just now. Are you sure you can take care of your daughter? Sa kung anong nararamdaman mo ngayon, baka mapabayaan mo siya."

Napakunot ang noo ko. What's with them and their sudden worry for me?

"I can take care of my daughter just fine alfonso" mariing sabi ni dad.

"Are you sure eduardo? Ni hindi ka nga niya makausap ng maayos kani—"

"Sir, I don't mean to impede but as what my father had just said, he can take care of me just fine, as i will to him. And...why the sudden worrying? Is there something going on that I don't know?" Ani ko sa mataas na boses. Pabalik-balik ang tingin ko sa kanila, nakatuptop lamang ang kanilang mga labi. Napadako ang tingin ko kay kage and i think i saw his lips rose up.

"Zephy, princess. Will you excuse us for a minute?" Dad sighed.

"Again...dad?!" I asked unbelievably. Tumango siya. The three of them turned their backs on me, leaving me with kage who were just silent the whole time. Umupo ako sa damuhan at bahagyang hinaplos ang lapida ni mommy, i felt kage standing behind me. Tumikhim ako,.

"Again,May alam ka ba sa pinag-uusapan nila? Ng mga magulang natin? Please don't lie." I felt him grunted at kasabay no'n ay umupo siya sa tabi ko.

"Not that i know of. Why?"

"Then bakit biglang nag-alala ang mga magulang mo sa kalagayan ko?"

"It's just normal. Your dad and my dad are friends"

I scoffed. "They're friends, yes. But that doesn't mean he has the right to meddle with our personal lives, with my life and—." Nilingon ko siya and i saw amusement on his eyes.

"Atta girl"

"Ano?" Umiling siya sabay tawa.

"Wala." I rolled my eyes.

"Sa ayun nga—wait!" Napatigil ako sa pagbunot ng mga damo. "Does your parents have plans na ampunin ako? Kapag hindi ako maalagaan ng maayos ng daddy?" Panlalaki ng mga mata ko.

"What? No!" Napatawa siya ng malakas. "Why would you think of that?"

Napasimangot ako. "Dahil 'yun lang ang naisip kong rason kung bakit sila nag-aalala sa akin. Don't lie to me. Tama ako diba?" Napapantastikuhan niya ako tiningnan. Natatawa pa din. "Tama ako." Tango-tango ko.

"No, That's not i—"

"Tell me, are they that eager na magkaanak ulit? At dahil magkaibigan naman ang dad mo at dad ko, ako na lang ang napili nilang i-adopt, dahil bukod sa maganda ako ay alam nila kung saan ako galing. Teka—baog na ba ang dad mo?" Sunod-sunod kong sabi.

"Woman, what the fu—"

"O di kaya menopause na ang mommy mo kaya hindi ka na masundan? Naku! If i were you, hindi ako papayag. You wouldn't want me as your little sister. Gastosera ako, mauubos pera mo." Kahit ako. Natatawa na din sa naiisip, pinipigilan ko lang ang sarili.

"Mommy, aampunin daw nila ako. Payag ka no'n my? Pinaghirapan niyo akong gawin ni daddy tapos aampunin lang nila ako" nakangusong kausap ko sa ina sabay bunot ng mga damo sa paligid nito.

"Baby...that would be incest" bulong ng lalaking nasa likod ko na nagpaawang ng aking mga labi sabay kalabog ng dibdib ko.

"Perhaps i heard you wrong. A-ano ulit ang tinawag mo sakin?"

"Baby" he held my chin as he leaned unto me. Napalaki ang mga mata ko. "I called you baby"

Kaagad na humalagpos ang kaba sa aking dibidib kasabay no'n ang pagumid ng aking mga dila. Napatahimik ako ng ilang segundo bago napagtanto na sobrang lapit na nga ng mga mukha namin. Napasimangot ako at may kalakasan siyang tinulak sa noo sabay padabog na tumayo at pinagpagan ang damit.

"Bastos! Bastos ka! Bakit gano'n ka makalapit sa'kin ha!"

"I haven't done anything—"

Umawang ang mga labi ko.

"So may plano ka talaga? Anong gagawin mo sa'kin ha!?"

"Nothing! Hindi ako basto—"

"Bastos! Don't you ever come near me again! You pervert!" Sigaw ko at padabog na umalis doon. Narinig ko pa ang kaniyang pagtawa na mas lalong nagpairita sa akin.

"Officially enrolled ka na po ms" ani ng attendant sa accounting office pagkatapos kong magpa enroll for this school year.

I smiled and thanked the lady in a grateful tone. Hindi na ako nagtagal do'n dahil madami-daming estudyante din ang nakapila. nakita ko naman kung paano tumaas ang mga kilay ng mga taong nakapila sa likod ko. Hindi ko na sila pinansin.

"Tapos ka na?" Tanong ng kaibigan ko sa akin. Si tas.

"Ah oo. Kayo ba? Halika na. Sama kayo sa akin sa bahay. Lunch tayo"

"Huh? Hindi ako pwede eh." Ngiwi ni yassy.

"Bakit naman?" Bumuntong hininga ako ng may napagtanto. "Pasensya na kayo huh? Hindi ako pwedeng mag mall or resto eh. I promised dad na hindi na ako masyadong gagasta. Tsaka, hindi kasi siya muna pumapasok sa office ngayon, kaya wala siyang kasama doon sa bahay. Nag-aalala ako."

"Hindi naman 'yon ang inaalala namin zeph. Okay lang sa'min kahit sa cr niyo pa kami mag lunch. It's just that...hindi pa kami officially enrolled." Ani ni tas sabay taas ng papel na hawak. It made me felt relieved. I took it from her at binasa iyon.

"Bakit hindi niyo pa kuhanin ang report card niyo?" Takang tanong ko.Nagkatinginan silang dalawa sabay kamot sa batok.

"Hindi kasi kami nakapaperma ng clearance. Kaya ayon...delayed ang pagkuha."

"Huh?" Napatingin ako sa oras sa aking phone at lagpas lunch time na nga. Dad must be waiting for me to arrive. "Oh edi sige. Mauna na lang ako sainyo. Hindi ako pwedeng magtagal. Nag-aalala talaga ako kay dad." Lapit ko sa kanila sabay beso.

"Sige, okay lang. Ingat ka pauwi!"

"Kayo din!" I waved them goodbye at naglakad na paalis doon. As i was near the exit gate, napansin ko pa ang bahgyang pagtingin-tingin ng ibang mga estudyante sa akin sabay bulongan. Nilingon ko sila sabay irap. Pero kahit ganon ay hindi pa rin sila tumigil. It made my blood boil. Pero nung marinig ang bulungan nila ay bigla na lang ako nanghina at naging emosyonal. I badly wanted to cover my ears but I didn't have the strength to do so.

"Nandito pa pala 'yan? Akala ko sumama na yan sa mommy niya sa hukay."

"Oo nga! Akala ko nga nagpakamatay na 'yan eh. Hindi pa ba siya kinakain ng guilt niya?"

"You're right. Some people are just too shameless."

"Thick face!"

"I heard kasalanan niya kung bakit namatay ang mommy niya. She was just making her dad catch all the blame."

"What a brat!"

"Spoiled little rich girl. Thinking that daddy always got her back..."

Napapikit ako ng mariin sabay kuyom ng kamao. Hindi na makayanan ang pang-iinsulto na binabato ay kumaripas na ako ng takbo, paalis do'n. Palayo sa mga taong makikitid ang utak. A lone tear escaped my eyes as i kept on running. The image of my father tearing up because of my mistakes, the consequences na kahit kailan hindi na maibabalik—ang buhay na hindi na maibabalik.

As i arrived at the parking lot. Hinanap ko ang aking sasakyan. But because of the blurry vision brought by my tears, hindi ko namalayan na may paparating na sasakyan. I wasn't standing in the middle. I didn't bother to move, i just stared at it bounding and honking towards me hanggang sa may naramdaman akong may humawak sa aking papulsuhan at paghila nito sa akin. Hinawakan niya ang aking beywang at likod ng aking ulo to prevent me from bumping into another unmoved parked car on the sideways.

"f**k woman! Why didn't you move!"

"What is your problem!"

"You! You are my problem! Ano? Magpapakamatay ka ba!?"

"Wala ka nang pakealam do'n!" Singhal ko sabay ayos ng nagusot na damit. Walang salitang tinalikuran ko siya at nagsimulang hanapin ulit ang aking sasakyan.

"Where are you going? Hindi pa tayo tapos mag-usap!"

"you stalker! Sinusundan mo ba ako!?" Hinarap ko siya. "Will you stop it? You're creeping me out!"

"What was that?" Seryosong tanong niya.

"Ang alin!?"

"That! What happened there. Are you trying to kill yourself? Are you planning to join your mother in the grave? You're leaving your father?" Singhal niya. Making me still.

"Killing myself is none of your business" mahinang ani ko at tumalikod ulit. Ilang hakbang pa lang ang nagawa ko nang hinila niya ako ulit paharap sa kaniya.

"It is...my business." He uttered in a calm and soothing voice.

"How so?" I snapped. "I barely even know you. No! I just met you! Just because our fathers are friends doesn't mean you can stick your pointy nose on other people's business—my business! Kahit magpasagasa ako, kahit tumalon pa ako sa mataas na building, wala kang pakialam!"

"You're just upset—"

"I am upset! I am! At ayaw kitang awayin dahil wala ka namang ginagawang masama sa akin. So will you..will you please leave me alone?" Naluluha ko ng saad. "Please?"

He sighed. "No. I ought to protect you. I ought to give you comfort"

"To whom?" I said frustratingly. "Sino?! Hindi mo ako kailangan alalahanin, okay!? Just because i look broken doesn't mean i need anyone's saving!"

"To your mom." Aniya sa malambing na boses at dahan-dahang lumapit sa akin. "And to you. I promised that i would protect you, didn't i? I'm just keeping that promise. No one will hurt you. Not even those intolerant girls" He whispered as he held me by the waist. He pulled the back of my head closer so that i could rest on his broad chest. Napakalma ako, it made me close my eyes. Now i could already feel his warmth and the peace he's giving me.

"Are you now calm?" Bulong niya. Unti-unti akong tumango, nakapikit pa din.

"Okay, now let's get you home."