"THE ONE I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR "

The one I was supposed to abandon, abandoned me first. Such a life. Such a contradiction. Such a faith born from illness. There is no way back to what I was meant to be. And yet, there is no way for me to be saved from the devil itself. To be honest with you, neither of them can be saved from what is about to come— a dynasty built entirely on lies. Alone, I carried the weight of the one who demanded my obedience, who bound me to marriage knowing I did not love him, in a world already fragile and cruel enough. I understand now that people often fail to truly know one another, because they are taught that obligation must replace love, that marriage must continue even when love has already died. But such is life as it is lived. Still, no one can continue carrying pain forever unless it is softened— diluted in mercy for one another. As time passes, no one comes to see me for who I truly am. I exist in an unreal world of claims, where those who pretend to be me are more numerous than the truth itself. None of it makes sense to me anymore, except history— which seems to understand me better than the present ever could. What I am now is learning, at last, to discern authenticity from cruelty, and loyalty to myself from the betrayal I once accepted by my own accord. Yet you still measured me in the same way, as though I were someone who could say that life is perfectly normal— when in truth, it never was, no matter how much you claimed it to be. In perfect harmony contrast , you get to see what it is within inside of you . As if not enough , you think ! is it really you , out there of yourself? Must wonder ,the one who must say that no one ever had the atrocity to say this to me . But in jealousy tone voice , i wrap myself around into a blanket and hide myself away from this world of sinners and arrogants human beings . The heat jealousy within me growing at each day that pass , was only getting worst day by day , i dont know what to called it myself if does make it sense somehow . Is Quite the one, when he says to me that I shall never be alone, but yet I am the one stuck here in the middle of nowhere to go to. When all of a sudden you think that the floor moves around within yourself, the soul is just only your own imagination of it, creating a way out of it, the ground itself. A call to disturbance and distress, coinciding at the same time, cannot tell them apart from one another in this sinking reality world of ours. Each time I try my hardest, it always comes back like an all-of-a-sudden, unexpectable sound that wires around myself into a severe temperature risen all over my own body, almost like an irrational thought of my own mind through it, itself alone on its own perceptive way, unconscious but yet sounding like it is not me at all, while at the same time, regarding this ongoing, unfeeling situation, I try to grab what doesn’t belong to me, but in a way, it does.Look all around yourselves, yet I do not know why I believe in Him. Somehow there is this kind of deep connection that brings me up to Him, yet I do not know what it is that connects both of us together. Yet I know that somehow there is something in between us that brings us both together into all of this, or I wouldn’t bring that up myself to it. Frantically, it is like we were born for one another without even knowing about each other, but yet we become stronger when together within one another, like the horizons that are far away but somehow keep chasing after yourself over and over again. Is that an illusion that I make, this certainty that moreover comes across me on its own itself; nevertheless, you know what most captivates my intimate soul within.You know me over and over again, and yet you ask me if I should go within you or not? Perhaps it was myself more selfish than one another, but yet you come to me in a fragile way, like torn by your own past itself, without limitation of what it really was that happened back then within your own life. Must tell you one thing for sure, that you must always keep as silence in your mind, without questioning your own self again and again. Can you do that to yourself? It is a mind-game, controlling-freak story, but emotionally you can grab it and tell it to the world and see what they will do with it — to your own soul inside, within yourself, trapped there inside of your own mind and body, under-controlled by itself alone, when there is nothing you can do about it without one another. Figure that out yourself, for I already did it myself alone, and it is not easy at all. When you come to know it from this point of perspective, it really feels irrational from this point of view through myself. There is no way out of it, no matter what. It feels like an empty shell without the body inside of it alone, like a trap that never ends, but yet brings you some kind of comfort to your soul, even if it is not yourself out there controlling or fighting your true person alone — like a disguise that almost comes naturally but frantically at the same time. Either way, I cannot come out alive without feeling what I am going through. It is kind of weird, in a way, if I may say to yourself, but it also granted me the freedom to keep on surviving into this world where there is no more satisfaction in keeping on living. For when you really notice that part of it coming all together as one, it really shows how much of you is already deepened and sinking within the future self. Deep down within your own soul and body, you knew it all along what was about to come to yourself. Talk about strangers — the world cannot be more strange than two strangers that met one day at the park, across sideways on a road. Limitations are the most cursed ones, because they were never meant for you to engage within them, yet you follow them like it is the most natural feeling on earth, depending on our lives across destiny, without measures or ways of seeing what comes next after you cross the road that was right in front of him or myself — two drawn lines that do not know where they are being taken from afar, yet you know it when the time comes for it. One comes from discerning, and the other comes from yourself within, inside of you, trying to bring you back within such reverent intentions. But yet I cannot change how my mind thinks alike yours into one self alone. How come two souls so distinguished in alignment can be the only ones that really can understand me equally as himself alone? All this world ever did was destroy one as myself, capable of dealing within all the rest, but then yet when I come to him, he seems to be aware of what I am quite capable of, distinguishing myself as connected to him as one that dwells into the insanity of two worlds, but without guilt, no matter what we do together.