Eudaimonia

I stared in shock for what felt like forever. When I finally closed my mouth I saw it had actually only been one minute. The glaring screen stayed the same while the time ticked away in the corner. I cant believe I actually won. When I entered the contest online I thought that surely I had no odds of winning or that the entire thing was a scam. Clearly not, this email detailing the legal obligations of the company was legitimate as far as I could tell. With a shaking hand I started scrolling through the details of the email. My finger paused on the scroller when I read, "Finalists were narrowed down by our founder based on the quality, sexuality, and originality of the short story entry, then randomly chosen by a number generator." My cheeks heated with the knowledge that human eyes had actually read the fantasy I had submitted. I was feeling pretty vulnerable the day I entered the contest. I had just moved into my new apartment, and my friends had just left after some pizza and wine. I couldn't scrub the images from my mind... my husband f*****g another woman in our bed. Him yelling at me that it was my fault, both in the moment and in divorce mediation. His glares pierced through me while I slowly moved all the furniture I had brought with me when I moved in. Through it all, I prayed and cried that he would realize his mistake and beg me to forgive him. That never happened. The woman he cheated with was in our couples therapy group, clearly she didn't work things out with her husband either. I went onto my computer and went to her Gracebook profile. "Some Christian..." I mumbled, as I do every time I see her likeness. Taking a big swig of wine, an ad in the sidebar catches my attention. "s****l FANTASIES COME TO LIFE AT EUDAIMONIA!" I had to laugh at the irony of seeing an ad like this on the holiest of social media platforms, then gave it a click. I toured the web page a bit and found it was an online s*x shop as well as the hub for a s*x club in Amsterdam. They were also hosting an online giveaway for an all access pass for a specific weekend in September, including international flights. My thoughts turned aggressive, "Why not? I'm single now and can do whatever the f**k I want." Tears and anger were reactions I was used to tamping down these days, so I was quick about it.  "Tell us your most intimate s****l fantasy:" was the only requirement besides my basic information. I sat there and thought about all the scenarios I had envisioned over the years. Shockingly, I realized that none of them included my ex. He hadn't touched me in the last two years of our marriage and I guess those types of thoughts about him just sort of faded away. When those old insecurities started creeping in I closed them off and refocused on the task at hand. "What do I want?" I thought. When I fleetingly thought of this one recurring s*x dream I had been having ever since my marriage started going downhill, my fingers got busy typing. I hit submit before I could think twice about it and laughed into my empty apartment. Getting that off my chest was surprisingly liberating. I saw the little red 1 appear on my email and went to check it. The website had sent me entry confirmation with a 25% promo code to their e-commerce section. With a big smile on my face I went to peruse the section of the website dedicated to self gratification, expecting that's all that would come of it. I'm in a better place now than I was then, it's been a few months since I entered the contest and I just assumed I didn't win. The butterflies were in full force and the fluttering was so much I thought I might puke. It was before noon but whether or not my best friend was working, I needed her. I threw on some shoes and called her on the way to her office. "Whatsup babycakes?" she answered in her typical way. I felt more grounded just hearing her voice. "I need you. I'm on my way to the office." I responded quickly with a little bit of panic coming through. She must have noticed because without missing a beat she replied, "I'm cancelling all of my meetings for the rest of the afternoon. I'll meet you at the CosmoCash in the lobby." 15 minutes later we sat across from eachother in silence, sipping our coffees. I could tell she was waiting for an explanation by the way she was side eyeing me but I just couldn't get any words out. A couple more minutes go by before she explodes with, "b***h, you're scaring me. You weren't this quiet even when you were telling me the douche canoe cheated on you." I flinched at the harsh reminder and sighed - she was right. I looked her in the eye and grabbed my phone. I pulled up the email and shoved it across the table at her without a word.