Lover's Journey Series Books 1-3

Early Morning-2

“Better than you! You’ll get the cooties from all those girls.”

“Oh, yeah, sure! Just admit you’re jealous.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but that was the truth. Again, I knew that even if we both thought I was jealous, it was for different reasons. Robert probably thought it was because I wanted all those girls for myself. I knew better. I was jealous because they got to spend so much time with him, especially those in his school.

“Hey, Edi, are you okay?”

Robert’s palm against my cheek felt so cool, despite the summer heat, which made it impossible for anything to be cool. “Squirt, you gotta breathe.”

My eyes met his and I realized I was in fact holding my breath. My cheeks were burning, my eyes were bulging out, and my body refused to let go of that breath. I forced myself to exhale and then inhale. Again, slowly, and once more, letting Robert’s voice walk me through the process of breathing.

“I think it’s the heat,” I lied, and it came so easy to say that crap. No, wanting to replace the girls Robert hung out with wasn’t normal. I knew that. I was supposed to be like everyone else. Think of nothing but girls and playing with my friends. I wasn’t a girl, so I couldn’t spend time like that with Robert.

“You okay now? Want me to take you home?”

“No, I’m fine.” I gave him a weak smile, hoping it would convince him I wasn’t lying or anything. Now that I could breathe, I was truly feeling better.

The little incident helped us change the topic, which was a blessing in itself. Robert started talking about everything we were going to do that summer, and I forced myself to forget those crazy thoughts. I was a baby, as Robert kept telling me, and my mind was all fuzzy and wrong. If I made an effort, I’d grow up and be normal.

***

I slept in the next day. Quite unusual for me, I wasn’t up early enough to roam the dusty road alone, waiting for everyone else to come outside and play. What was stranger was that Grandma hadn’t tried to wake me up. I jumped out of bed and ran to the summer kitchen. She was there, sat at the table and sorting some beans to cook later.

“Morning, Grandma. Sorry I didn’t wake up earlier.” I was convinced she’d make me do the dishes. Oh, well, I’d just make sure to be up in time for breakfast tomorrow.

“Nonsense, child. You tossed and turned until the wee hours of the morning. You need your rest to grow up, all tall and handsome like your Granddad.”

The events of the day before rushed back, souring my mood. Yeah, that was right, I had been up late because my mind wouldn’t quit. It all led to the conclusion I needed to rearrange my thoughts and start acting like a real boy. Because all the boys and grown up men I knew liked girls. Why on earth did I have to be jealous of Robert’s girlfriends in the wrong way? It wasn’t normal, wanting Robert all to myself. No girls or anything.

The day before, as the other kids found their way to us and we all chatted and played, I’d been able to pretend to forget about it. I ran and jumped and laughed, feeling exhausted when I’d gone inside to sleep. But the moment the lights were off and I was snuggled in my bed, thoughts of my reaction to Robert had come back. They’d refused to let go for the longest time, and when I eventually passed out, the most dedicated rooster of Grandma’s was already making a ruckus.

“Yeah, you’re right.” I smiled back at her and sat down in my usual spot.

Grandma abandoned the beans and went about fixing me breakfast. First she sat a plate with fried eggs and bacon in front of me. Then she pulled out a bowl filled with round doughnuts that smelled like heaven. I gaped at them for a bit, just realizing how tired I’d been if I managed to sleep through her baking doughnuts. It didn’t last though, the need of devouring those still warm goodies was just too great.

Half an hour later, belly stuffed over capacity and a satisfied smile on my face, I went outside. Robert and Tatiana were already on the bench, which was super unusual. Waking up late had its perks it seemed. Totally worth doing the dishes if I didn’t have to wait for everyone to wake up and join me. I loved this role reversal, especially when a frowny Robert complained about how lazy I was.

“I’m a growing boy,” I said, smirking and winking at him. “How do you think I got this tall?”

“Shut up, squirt. I don’t like to wait around for your lazy ass.” Robert crossed his arms over his chest and glared at me.

“You did it once. Last summer, I waited for you to finally wake up every single day.”

Robert snorted. “That’s how it should be. You’re the younger one.”

I missed you too, you ass. Of course, that wasn’t something I would have said out loud, but I knew he’d felt it too and that was why he was complaining this much.

We sat there for a little while until my stomach settled a bit. Robert demanded we went down to the creek then. Unlike the year before, we struggled a bit to get Tatiana to stay home. She was a year older now and a lot more stubborn.

After quite some back and forth, Tatiana relented and we made our way to the creek. It had rained a lot the week before, so the stream was overflowing, enough that we had to use the bridge to cross. The large rocks we usually stepped on were under water. The ground itself was mushy and smelled of swamp.

It wasn’t the most pleasant experience, but that didn’t seem to matter to me. I was walking next to Robert again, and it was just the two of us. I felt so good, I could barely contain my enthusiasm. The wrongness of how I felt would nag at me in the back of my mind, but with every minute spent with Robert, I got better at ignoring it.

“We definitely need to climb these walls,” Robert said, looking up the canyon to the edge he intended for us to reach. It looked scary to me and I wasn’t even sure I could do it. But if Robert wanted us to do something, I was ready to try it.

“Sure, we totally can.” I shrugged and gave him a little smile, trying to hide my apprehension.

“You’ll love it, trust me.”

I did trust him, for the most part. I didn’t trust myself much though…. What if he discovered the mad thoughts I hoped I was hiding? What if Robert ever knew just how I saw him and why I was jealous of the girls swarming around him?

I shook my entire body to rid myself of the thought. Something told me it wouldn’t go too well. It would probably be the end of our friendship. Who was I kidding? It would surely end us.

As the heat rose, the stench of the muddy expanse around the creek became worse. It felt like we were walking through an overheated swamp. Although we were both reluctant to leave, we decided heading back home was best.

“What’s that?” Robert asked, pointing to an open door on the side of the former Cultural Center of the village. It was a non-descript door on a decrepit building that used to be the village cinema, the place where everything that could pass as a show happened, where celebrations took place, and where occasional meetings were organized. When I was much younger, four or five, I’d come here with my aunt. The only movies they’d show were Indian ones, but it was a movie, not an hour of botched up news followed by communist propaganda, so I went every time.

Right now, the Cultural Center was rented out for weddings and other events. They’d also started to host a poetry contest, as, long before World War II and the Communists, the local boyar had had a poet son who’d given the name to the village. He’d died young, so there wasn’t much of his poetry left, but because one of the country’s most famous poets had called him the “Silver Lyre,” everyone knew him.

The other awe-inspiring wonder the Cultural Center was home to was the village library. Small, crowded, smelling of old, dusty books, you could easily overlook it. Most kids didn’t even know it existed, because it wasn’t advertised during the summer. Or at all, really.

“Library. It’s not very large,” I explained quickly, not wanting him to be disappointed. A few years back I’d gone there with the same aunt who took me to Indian movies. She’d borrowed a couple of books through her own subscription, so I’d seen the inside of the library. From the outside, it seemed to not have changed much at all.

“Can we get books?” Robert asked, pulling me out of my memory tour.

“Sure, but we need to get a subscription. I think we need ID for it.”

I wasn’t fourteen yet, so I had no ID card. Robert had one, but he’d left it home. We went inside though to find out exactly what we need and then ran home to get the papers and the meager payment the librarian required. I came back with my grandma’s ID and that was it.

“This place is awesome,” Robert said, and got lost between the tall shelves. It was dusty, it was hard for even one person to squeeze between the shelves, and the books had almost no rhyme or reason in how they were displayed. I liked the library in Ploiești a lot more. The big one within the Palace of Culture—the fact there was a culture something everywhere hit me just then and I chuckled—was amazing, but even the one at my school was bigger than this.

Watching Robert roam that maze of old books, and shelves looking like they were about to fall, I finally got it. This place was more like a treasure hunt than a library. You could go through the shelves and look at anything, and because of the faulty order of the displays, it felt like looking for the X that marks the spot. You’d be surprised by a mythology book where it didn’t belong, or an adult book mixed with the children’s adventure ones.

When we left, Robert was carrying a book that I thought was stupid. Some Japanese sounding author and a story about a woman and sands. Who cared about that? What was fascinating about dunes? I looked down at the robot science fiction I’d gotten and smiled. Much better choice.

“You’re too young for this book, squirt,” Robert said and hit me over the head with his book.

I swatted his hand away and glared. “Who wants to read that, i***t? Mine’s better.”

Robert rolled his eyes and shoved me lightly. “We’ll see how you feel about it in a few years.”

The moment we got home, we climbed up the sour cherry tree shadowing the bench in front of Robert’s house. We settled, making ourselves as comfortable as we could, and started reading. We kept at it until the ruckus of the other kids broke the spell. As we climbed down to join them, I felt something gripping my heart and squeezing. No more alone time, I’d have to share him. The feeling of wrongness came over me again and I almost lost my footing and fell. That prompted a long internal scolding as I tried to smile, talk, and laugh with all the other kids.