Fall of the Luna (completed)

Choices

Kayla’s POV

            The past two months were extremely busy. Now I finally understood why they said that the real challenge of medical school began with the residency. Even though Reena was my sister-in-law, it did not make her go any easier on me. In fact, I think she was even stricter with me than any other trainee doctors in the hospital. It wasn’t that I minded, I thought it was great as I wanted to become a good doctor and not someone who got in through the back door. Besides, between the residency and my Luna duties, I had no time or energy to think about anything else. It was not healthy, I guess, to run away from what’s bothering me but I just didn’t want to think about the future right now.

            Jacob is a sweet pup and surprisingly, I enjoyed spending time together with him, especially when it was just the two of us and all the complications caused by us adults were far away. However, there were a few times when I would chance upon Lynsie, Jacob and Finn spending time together in the hospital room and I couldn’t help but wonder if I was the intruder, breaking up a beautiful picture. During the past week, Lynsie had been away and it made me feel so free and I enjoyed the time spent with Jacob and Finn so much more. It almost felt like it’d have been great if she was out of the picture and it made me feel like an evil witch for thinking this way. I shook my head and chastised myself for thinking these thoughts as I made my way to Jacob’s room for our now daily walk to get some sun. I was about to turn the door knob when I overheard Lynsie talking with Jacob.

            “I’m so happy that you’re back, Mommy! I’ve been a good pup, like you told me to be and you’re wrong, Luna Kayla likes me. She’s really nice to me, even nicer than Dad. Would she still like me if she also has a pup?” Jacob asked innocently. Lynsie ruffled his hair and assured him, “don’t worry, silly boy. Luna Kayla can’t have pups. I saw her medical records by chance the other day in Dr. Forster’s office. You will be the only pup of Alpha Finn and his heir.” My eyes widened in shock and I had to cover my mouth to prevent myself from making any sounds. Luna Kayla can’t have pups. Those words rang in my head again and again as I dashed to Reena’s office. Checking that no one was around, I unlocked the door and locked myself in the office with my master key. After some frantic searching, I finally found my medical file. My fingers trembled as I opened the file and flipped through the pages.

            Infertile. The big bold word stared back at me as tears rolled down my face uncontrollably. That was the diagnosis of the damage done to my womb when they brought me back five years ago. I collapsed onto the ground as sobs rocked my body. No wonder Finn was always acting weird when I talked about having pups. My hands moved over to my belly as I felt an intense loss of an important part of myself. It was not the stress of the residency that caused our attempts to have a pup to fail in the past two months. It was because of me. My phone beeped, jerking me out of my pitiful thoughts. It was the nurse station calling for me. I knew that there was no time for self-pity or questioning how many of them had been hiding this from me, at least not now. Quickly, I put everything back into place, wiped my face dry and went to the nurse station.

            To my horror, it was Finn standing at the nurse station, waiting for me. I wasn’t ready for this right now and tried to walk away but he grabbed my arm and hugged me tightly, not allowing me to go anywhere. “Hey hey hey, what’s wrong, my mate? Lynsie is back and I thought we could take some time off from work and taking care of Jacob, just some time for ourselves? I’ve even asked for time off from work today for you,” Finn said gently into my ear. Hearing that us time was second to everything else and that he had once again made a decision on my behalf, even if just for something trivial, ignited a fire in me. I pushed him away and glared at him, shouting into our mind-link.

            So this is it? This is how it’s going to be? Time for us is now second to everything else? Lynsie has to be here so we can have time for us? And my work has to be sacrificed for time for us? Because you decided so? Why? Why are you always the priority in our relationship? Why did I have to go to the medical school closest to our pack lands and not the one that I wanted to? Why did I have to do my residency here and not where I really wanted to go? Why did you not tell me that I can’t ever have pups, I can’t ever be a mother? Why are you making all of my decisions for me? Why.. Why am I allowing this?

            It dawned on me then that I had chosen all of this because I had chosen Finn, over and over again, each time when a decision had to be made. I was miserable and I had no one to blame but myself. If I had not trusted Jake five years ago, I’d still one day become a mother. If I had not chosen Finn every time in the past five years, I might be living my dream of becoming a world-renowned doctor. I laughed weakly at myself as Finn pulled me into his arms again, this time more firmly than before. I didn’t struggle because it all felt so futile now. Nothing was going to change the fact that I’d never ever have my own pup and perhaps I should be glad that someone had already given Finn a pup, an heir to his throne, yes, his throne, not ours. I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t realize we were home until the earthy smell of daisies filled my nose.

            “Kayla, Baby, please, don’t shut me out. Please look at me.” I heard Finn pleading with me and his warm hands cupping my face but I couldn’t focus. All the pressure and unhappiness from the past two months pushed past the dam that I had shut them behind and like an overflooded dam, I was completely overwhelmed. “I’m sorry that we never told you, and it was my decision so please don’t blame anyone but me. I didn’t know how to tell you because I knew that you would be devastated and I was right. Baby, I’m not trying to justify what I did, and I’m sorry but I need you to know that I don’t care if we have pups or not. You are all that I have ever needed, and if you wanted to try, I’d go to the ends of the earth with you to try and find a cure. I’d do anything for you, please just don’t shut me out! If you want to do your residency somewhere else, we’ll figure something out. Please, Kayla, please look at me,” he pleaded.

            Sensing our mate’s distress, my wolf howled in my head and forced me to focus. I looked at Finn’s tear-stricken face and opened my mouth to say something but I didn’t know what to say. Finally, I just mumbled a sorry, a sorry for not being able to give him a pup. What kind of Luna can’t give her Alpha a pup? Another wave of sadness engulfed me but before I could continue in my vicious circle of thoughts, Finn looked at me sternly and assured me, “pup or no pup, you’re my mate and my Luna, Kayla. Nothing will ever change how much you mean to me.”