He was never mine

Chapter - 4

Berry

Sundays are for laying down on my bed for a little longer than usual days and let the little rays of the morning sunlight, which peaks through the window pane falls on my relaxed form and nuzzle my hair; in fact a little longer would be an understatement. Laze around in my oversized clothes, without being bothered to be freshened up for the day, oozing out all the stress which was encased in the body, after the long week of labor.

Getting up with a heavy head from the previous night's one-on-one with the potion of intoxication which heals and transform the jaded bodies into an exhilarating one.

But that Sunday wasn't the only thing I got up heavy with. My head was weighed down by not only last night's alcohol, but also overflowing thoughts about a cryptic person, who was just happened to be a hook up for the night or a fling.. or a set up by my best friend. Whichever was it, but I couldn't seem to filter the images from my brain of the encounter.

A fun night with my best friends after a long time, getting sloshed to the uncertainty was all I expected. Bumping into a handsome stranger, who pulled someone out of me which was long buried, was the last thing I expected.

My mind was running like an athlete in a marathon. But the difference was there weren't any finish line. I had never been so vulnerable in front of anyone in my life, except for my father.

Later, my father's spot was filled by non humanly and incompetent to reciprocate thin white paper for my excessive rants, and meltdowns, which fuelled my pen.

My puny shoulder at sixteen learned to be not dependent on someone, emotionally, especially; my wanderer father, who let his agile heart wandered when my mother was ailing.

I didn't want anyone to make me feel vulnerable, again. At that moment when Adam, asked me to stay over at his place, I had to draw a line. So, I declined his offer. Staying wouldn't have been hard, but letting someone dictate my heart and decisions for later to incarcerate my emotions would be.

I was always a planner. My actions always directed by the foreseen results of the future before my any move. I was never a reckless girl. But somehow I wasn't in the mood for being responsible when I was with, Adam. All I wanted was to break the rule of my abiding accustomed life. Rules which I created.

I woke up with my customary pandiculation of yawning and stretching before sluggishly I pulled my warm and comfortable comforter from my body, until I compress it off the bed with my feet. I wasn't a morning person, in fact, if I had to get up early on Sundays, people had to face my wrath and if they survived, Kudos to them.

That day I wasn't grumpy. No needless calls from my father, futile to even dial my number from his end; no one rang the doorbell. And I had no pets to lick me up, pets weren't allowed in my apartment.

Before my feet hit the rug on the floor, I did my usual routine of reaching out for my phone. Not for checking my texts, but to behold a picture. A picture of my mother, holding little 'me.' It was my screen saver. There wasn't a day passed without me appreciating the picture.

Have you ever felt that urge to pull someone out of a picture? I did. If I could, I would have pulled my mother out and feel her warm hands on my cheeks, her kisses on my forehead and I could rest my head on her lap and let her sing all the lullabies I have missed. Not only her, but I would've pulled myself too, so I could relive the feelings and the moment I had whilst posing for the capture, which were faded in my memory. That day must have been the day to remember. We both looked content, even with my missing front tooth I gave a toothy smile, my tongue was slightly out from between the lateral incisors. It was goofy.

I smiled and kept the phone on the night stand. I pulled my body out of the bed. My wavy hair was unruly and tangled up, but I didn't bother to entangle it and strode directly to the kitchen to douche my throat with a warm cup of coffee. It was imperative to bring me out of my sleep. Before sipping coffee, I tend to feel like a sulky zombie.

In my oversized turtle neck sweater and shorts I strolled towards the kitchen with a pair of rainbow socks on my feet. I always liked the 80's passionate fashion for rainbows.

I brewed my regular black coffee with honey and infused it till the brim on my 'living on a prayer' quote by Bon Jovi customized coffee mug and perched on the counter stool. I let the warm liquid seep through my throat, until my stomach felt the heat and percolate my drowse.

While sipping the coffee, I opened my computer to check the mails from the work. A sudden thought hit my head. After skimming through the mails I promptly opened my i********: account. Last time I posted something on i********: was 1 year ago, although I used it to stalk my celebrity crushes.

It soon hit my head again that I didn't know Adam's full name. Damn it. I felt like a desperate Stalker. Nevertheless, I went through Miles' profile and checked if he posted any pictures with Adam. Well, I found one and checked the tags.

Adam Garret Miller, was his full name. I plunged in. His bio caught my attention the most.

A Professional Photographer

A Passionate Smoker

A liable friend

An animal lover

But an inadequate lover

On the quest to learn the true reason behind my existence

The last line was something to ponder upon. That was what I always curious to know about mine, too. I theorised that, there must be something missing in his life, too.

Most of the posts were his photography. Mostly of animals, although he was a photographer for some lifestyle magazine. His own pictures were mostly naked, well, not fully, wouldn't Have mind It though. I meant shirtless. He had a body and a face of a sculpted God, like every carve on his body was made so diligently by the hands of an skilful creator of beauty. The girls were all over him in the pictures and the videos. I rolled my eyes, No wonder.

The coffee I was holding got tepid, because I was so indulged in watching someone else's life that coffee seemed less caffeinated. I felt like a sleuth, trying to fish out for some clues about a guy to dissolve my case that he was a womanizer, of course he was. If the girls were ready to serve themselves on a platter for him, why wouldn't he taste them, or more like devour them.

I was so busy delving that I didn't notice it was already 11:30 in the morning. I had a lunch date with Laura, Sandra and Toby. "s**t, I need to get ready, Laura will be here at any moment," I reminded myself

But then a picture riveted me to the seat where I was sitting. It was Adam with some girl.. The girl was..

It wasn't some random girl. It was Natalie Jones. I gaped. Natalie was a senior when I was in junior year of high school. Also, the picture was seemed to be clicked in Cold Spring, where I was born and brought up. The picture was captioned as, My girl, huh. The curiosity rose with the caption and the post was made 2 years ago. Damn, how deeper did I dig his profile.

Was he from Cold Spring? Have I ever bumped into him? Did he date Natalie? So many questions were swarming inside my head that the buzzing doorbell elapsed my ears.

I abruptly shut my computer, and trotted towards the door to get. There was my best friend Laura standing looking quite pissed.

"Jeez, what took you so long?" she bust inside and stood crossing her arms

"Nothing I was in bathroom," I lied

"Hmm? Did you run or rush? You're looking out of breath. Did you just wake up? Why are you still disheveled?" my bestie furrowed her eyebrows in suspicion and tossing all the questions over my head.

"No, Sherlock, I did not. I was just checking my work mails. That's it."

She glanced around the hall and her eyes fell on the kitchen counter top. The empty mug of coffee near my computer and a few drops of coffee spilled around the coffee maker. I didn't clean up and also I was kind of lazy to do chores. "You definitely need a roommate, don't you?"

I shrugged, "yeah, but till now not a single suitable candidate I found."

"Oh, Ber, stop being finicky about everything. Just pick one and get over with this whole roommate hunting thing. It's only a roommate, not groom."

"I would, if I get someone who's not a serial killer, r****t, or involved in some kind of freaky cults, until then I'll be keep on searching," I inferred. "A guy is going to stop by though in the evening to check out the apartment."

Laura rolled her eyes and took a seat on the couch, "come sit here, I have lots of things to catch up with you." She patted a seat next to her and I quickly perched on it.

"So."

"So?" I looked befuddled

"Aren't you going to spill the beans about last night," my best friend inquisitively asked

"About what?" I questioned

"I saw you kissing Adam, on the dance floor."

Well, I was busted. I tried to look nonchalant, but Laura was my best friend since middle school, she knew my every reaction. So instead I tried to talk nonchalantly. "Yeah, so what, it was like a one time thing."

"It didn't look like that. It seemed more like a passionate scene from a romantic movie," my hopeless romantic friend clasped her both hands together in excitement

I scoffed at her bluntness, "you are trying to say that our kiss was as passionate as the kiss between Noah and Allie in the rain, from 'the notebook.'"

"It wasn't any lesser than that, so did you guys have s*x?" Laura timidly asked me

"No." I yelled

"Don't lie."

"I am not."

"So, where did you disappear?"

"Uh, home."

"Whose home?"

"My home, duh."

She squinted her eyes on me, like I was an obvious suspect for a major crime. I tried to change the subject. "Are Sandra and Toby up for lunch?"

"Sandra is up for, but Toby's down."

"What? why?" I felt bumped

"Toby dislocated his shoulder while dancing last night."

Laura moved to the city 3 months ago when she applied for a marketing internship in a famous fashion house, also she wanted to live closer to her boyfriend. Sandra and Toby moved recently. So, we immediately planned the union night to be finally be together with each other, again. The previous night was ruined anyways, but I thought the lunch would be great to look forward, until Toby bailed on us.

I shook my head in disbelief, "what he was doing bone-breaking and flexing on the dance floor?"

Laura chuckled, "seriously, they get out of hands when they are drunk."

Laura looked little flustered than before, I knew at that moment cause she started to tap her nails on her lap, roaming her eyes everywhere.

"What's wrong?

"Um, nothing."

"Spit it out," I ordered

"Adam. I mean, don't you think Adam is a good guy?" she swerved

"Huh, yeah might be, but-"

"But?" she raised a single eyebrow

I sighed, "See, I am not looking for a relationship and so as Adam. He explicitly told me that he doesn't do relationships."

"Huh, strange he never mentioned this to me."

"And also he has a side chick."

"How do you know?"

"Well, she kinda walked into us in his bedroom last night."

My mouth ran like a scissors at that time. I had totally forgotten about my lie. Laura looked like she was ready to throw a hand grenade at me, but she shoved it back inside her pocket. She instead switched her expression with a wicked grin, the latter was more annoying.

"I knew it." She stuck her tongue out at me

"Shut up.. okay, yeah I went with him, but I swear nothing happened. He's a player, and had a typical side chick, remember," I defended my ego

"Okay! Okay! I am not saying anything, but since the beginning I have known it that you would like Adam. See, I have got this sense-"

I cut her off, "enough with your bragging now come to the point."

"The point is, it's a high time for you to be in a serious relationship. I am not telling you to be with Adam, particularly, but there are plenty of fish in the sea."

"I already told you I am not ready for these things. This is the 3rd time you set me up with someone, since you moved to the city,"

She huffed, "why you are like this?"

"Like what?"

"Like you don't care about anything, just shrug off every possibility."

"Why you are like this, then?" I retaliate

"Like what?"

"Like some typical nosy relatives, who wanted their asses to get invited to a non-existent wedding, like it's their damn personal goal."

"That's not true. I am nothing like them. I was just trying to help, cause you always abscond."

"It's me. I am not like you and whatever garbage you have in your head, just don't dump on me, please. I don't need help," I found my face heated and my palms wringing with sweat.

We haven't said anything to each other for some time, but Laura ruefully turned her head towards me. I let the flame inside me subside.

Laura then slowly scooted herself closer to me, "I am sorry, Bear. I didn't mean to offend you."

I didn't say anything, instead hugged her. I was her Bear and always a great partner to snuggle with. We always sought each other's embrace and support at the times of crises. She was no kin to me, but I always felt growing up with a sister. We remained like that for a few minutes, until I pulled away and asked, "now tell me the actual point."

she crinkled her nose in confusion, " I am not following."

"You were edgy since you stepped in, now being your bestie I know that there's something cooking inside your head, which you're not serving, yet."

She released a long breath, "okay, so there's this girl, Kaitlyn. She is a Designing intern in the Miles' office." She stopped to fiddle her fingers with the hem of her sweater. "Lately, Miles has been talking about her relentlessly. Apparently they share more likes and dislikes than us."

"So, what?"

"The thing is, they are also being extra friendly and going to some stupid Jazz bar, you know how I loathe Jazz."

"Hey, Jazz isn't that bad," I countered

"They are always hanging out together to my dislike," Laura grumbled

"Just because they share certain interests, it doesn't mean that they are romantically attracted to each other. See, I am no expert in this area, but that guy is head over heals for you."

She blinked her eyes to heed, "yeah?"

"Yes, of course. And since when you are this jealous. You were never a jealous type."

"Huh," she smiled weakly. "You will know when you are in love, you wouldn't want any girl to hover around your man or lay their eyes on him."

I guessed, but I didn't plan to impale myself with the curse of love. But, it was true, nobody wants to share their love. I was jealous of my father's newfound life, too. He was elated with his wife and their offspring, sharing all with them what I and my mother once had. Moving forward from his old life, whereas I was still stuck in a loop, with no vivid memories of the most crucial parts of my life.

"Hey, are you okay," my friend asked me

"Yeah, it's all okay,"

"I haven't seen that Kaitlyn girl, but heard she's pretty. She kept her i********: account private, so-"

"You want me to follow her?"

"I didn't say that, but yeah, I meant that, since she knows me, I cannot follow her or else she might think I am some desperate girlfriend. You send her request."

"What if she doesn't accept my request?"

"She will. Just give me your computer," she gestured at the kitchen counter table. I reluctantly ambled towards the counter and took my computer.

I perched beside her on the couch again and started to open the app.

"You must have been working your ass off before I came here, right? Wait." Laura stopped to stare at my computer screen.

Oh, yeah, just before my bestie showed up I was ogling at the pictures of, Adam. His profile popped out on the computer screen and her gaping mouth wasn't helping my anxiety.

"So, you were stalking Adam Garret Miller, huh."

I stubbed my toe.