Fetish

"Sometimes, the hardest part about leaving isn't saying goodbye. It's convincing yourself you're doing the right thing." If someone had asked me a year ago where I'd be today, I would've laughed. Not because my life was exciting. Because it was painfully predictable. I'd probably still be in South Africa, buried beneath university notes, drinking coffee that had long gone cold while convincing myself that tomorrow would somehow be different from today. Instead, I found myself sitting in O.R. Tambo International Airport with two suitcases, a boarding pass, and a heart that couldn't decide whether to race forward or run back home. Los Angeles. Even thinking the words felt unreal. I shifted in the uncomfortable airport chair and glanced at the enormous windows overlooking the runway. Planes came and went with effortless confidence, carrying strangers to places I'd only ever seen on television. Soon, one of those planes would carry me away too. Away from my family. Away from everything I'd ever known. Away from the version of myself I'd spent twenty years becoming. I tightened my grip around the paper coffee cup between my hands. What if this is a mistake? That question had haunted me for weeks. It whispered to me while I packed my clothes. It lingered when I hugged my mother goodbye. It followed me all the way to the airport. My phone vibrated. I looked down before I even realized I was smiling. Dominic. Dominic: At the airport? I typed back immediately. Me: Yeah. Three little dots appeared almost instantly. Dominic: How are you feeling? I stared at the question.How was I feeling? Terrified. Excited. Hopeful. Homesick. Every emotion seemed to exist at once. Me: Like I might throw up. His reply came less than a minute later. Dominic: Good. I frowned. Me: Good? Dominic: Fear usually means you're standing in front of a life-changing decision. A small laugh escaped me. That was Dominic. He never answered questions the way normal people did. Where someone else would've told me to relax, he'd say something that stayed in my head for hours. Sometimes I wondered if he overthought everything. Other times... I wondered if he simply understood people better than everyone else. I leaned back in my chair, reading his message again. Fear usually means you're standing in front of a life-changing decision. Maybe he was right. Maybe fear wasn't always something to avoid. Maybe it was proof that I was finally doing something brave. An announcement echoed through the terminal, calling passengers for another international flight. Families hugged each other tightly. Children laughed as they pulled tiny suitcases behind them. Business travelers rushed past, barely looking up from their phones. Everyone seemed certain about where they were going. I wished I felt the same. My gaze drifted to my boarding pass resting on top of my passport. Destination: Los Angeles. One-way. The words looked heavier than they should have. A one-way ticket didn't just mean I was leaving. It meant I had no idea when—or if—I was coming back. My phone buzzed again. Another message from Dominic. Dominic: One more question. I smiled despite myself. Me: Go on. There was a pause.Long enough for the smile to fade. Then his reply appeared. Dominic: Do you trust me? My thumb hovered over the screen. It was such a simple question. Yet somehow... It felt like the most important one anyone had ever asked me.