Problems

The darkness of the sky, the coldness of water, and the feel of excitement whenever I’m with them. It was supposed to be a happy moment but became a traumatic event. Hearing them laughing about something that is not funny for me. During the flow of the water, I hear my name. “Why aren’t you laughing, Natasha?” Reina said. I replied, “because it was not funny.” They continue to laugh. Until, I became the center of their topic. They asked the question again. “Why aren’t you laughing?” I didn’t reply. They tried to make a joke, but I didn’t laugh again. “Haha, she's still not really laughing. I remember something. Quiet people are the ones that get pregnant early” Reina said. Everyone is laughing about what she said and I am wondering why she say that, I am just a kid. Well, that makes sense to me because teenage pregnancy is one of the issues here in the Philippines. I'm just quiet until we get home. That was my first time being the center of their attention. Maybe, I'm just too sensitive to think about it. Every year we celebrate our reunion. And in all of those reunions, I was the center of the topic again. “She has no emotions, don't talk to her” they said. I heard that again and again. I think something is wrong with me. I always force myself to express something I cannot. Maybe, it’s the people around me. Taking advantage of me because I’m quiet. Bullying and creating fake story about me is funny for them. They break my peaceful mind. Just like the upcoming storm after bright sunny day, but here I am diverting my attention to ignore the loud droplets from the rain. Running to nowhere, loud screams that I can’t stop. After 5 hours, I woke up in a forest. The weight of black mud all over my body lasted for 30 minutes until I was able to stand up. Within those 30 minutes I felt all the emotions again. I panicked because I didn't know what was happening to me. While I was walking, I saw a river and easily washed my whole body. For an hour I was looking for its exit because I thought I could see at least one highway. I heard a loud noise and ran towards it. Finally, I saw people but children and there are three of them. I talk to them but they won't speak. They pointed to the cave and I entered to it. After I entered, I suddenly went to our house. I wonder if it's just a dream. "Natasha, let’s eat!" mom said. I went down to my room and saw them in the kitchen. I ate first because I had run out of energy earlier. I had a realization to make myself better. I want to improve so that no one will bully me. The next day, I saw Reina outside, hoping that she had changed, but she was still the same. She suddenly grabbed my hair so I immediately remove her hand from it. When I held her hand, I felt all of her problems as if I received all the problems to make her mental health stable again. I wasn't mistaken because of the happy expression on her face and said, "Thank you, Natasha. How did you do that?" I'm thinking about it too. I didn’t talk to her and suddenly I ran back to my room. I felt a heavy pressure pouring my chest. Black mud flowed from my body and suddenly went to the bathroom to rinse it off. Spontaneous tears, heartaches that feel like they are breaking. Why is it like this? What happened to me? When I touched her, I immediately received all her problems. Is it by touching her skin? I thought that I would try it with my baby brother, he just cried and cried and when I held him, I felt his hunger and he calm down suddenly. I felt hungry and it's true that just by touching their skin, I can immediately receive all their problems. but when I touch their skin, what I release is the black mud from the body. I went out for a while to think about what solution I can do to stop this. I don't know if I'll be happy or what because I just now felt an emotion again but why the emotion of others? While I was walking, I saw a man with a gun in his hand. He was just crying and I felt sorry for him. I thought he intended to commit suicide even though I was tired, I grabbed him, and the gun fell from his hand. He was dumbfounded because he was confused as to how his problems disappeared. I was about to run away when he suddenly stopped me. He gave me a card and said that if I need him, I should just contact him. I'm going back to our house. I saw my relatives who used to bully me. I tried to hide but they saw me, they shouted, "Come here! if you don't come here, we will shave your hair!" I was scared and just followed. They suddenly hit my head with a bottle and I passed out. When I woke up. I'm in the forest again. Covering my mouth with a cloth so I couldn't scream. I noticed that it was my clothes and I saw in front of me that it was being burned. They tried to touch my private part but I kicked them. One of my relatives removed his clothes to tie them around my feet. They tried to touch me again. I cannot move. Why can't I feel emotion or pain in my body. After they their pleasure, they locked me in a big drum. I passed out again. After a few hours, I was shocked when I felt hot water from my body. They removed me from the drum and tried to molest me again. Not only that, they even videoed it. I can't stop thinking what they did, maybe because of the situation. After they finished, they nailed me to a cross tree as if I was Jesus and burned me.