Her Ultimate Choice - Revisited

His Remembrance

What a morning, thought Donnell. He had bathed and fed Kara, laid her down for a nap, and was finally at a point where he could stop and think. I can't afford to be home babysitting, he thought. Okay, so I've been chilling these last few days, but enough is enough. I've got to find work. But first I've got to find a babysitter. Of course, Renee, he thought. Renee was Rachel's confidante, her partner in crime. She had been Rachel's best friend for years. She was probably the only person in this whole world who truly understood Rachel. She has always been there for Donnell and Rachel, but especially for Donnell lately when he's needed help with Kara during the day. Rachel didn't feel she should have to give up any of her paycheck since Donnell is the reason for their financial problems, so she always leaves him figuring out who'll watch Kara. Fortunately Renee has been able to help out since she works the graveyard shift as a Triage Nurse in Emergency at the local hospital. I'll give her a call, thought Donnell. Donnell hit the speed dial for Renee's number, and a tired, female voice muttered out, "Hello" on the other end. "Renee, hey, I hate to bother you again, but...," "You need me to watch Kara for you," Renee interrupted. "Yeah, could you? You know I've been out of work these last few days and I've got to do something or Rachel's going to go crazy. I know you're probably trying to catch some Zzz's." "It's okay, Donnell. Give me about an hour." "Thanks Renee, you're a Godsend." Yeah, yeah, yeah," and Renee hung up.

Donnell hung up his cell phone, laid back across the sofa and patiently waited on Renee. His mind wandered back to what seemed like so long ago. He had endured a lot over the past several years. But times weren't always so trying. He began working at Payton's Advertising Agency in the mail room more than twelve years ago. He was young and had no college education, but he had something any successful person needed if they wanted to get ahead - initiative. There was nothing Donnell wasn't willing to do. No job was too difficult. If the agency needed to extend themselves to other parts of the agency and needed someone to do some other types of light work, Donnell was the man. And he'd get paid accordingly to reflect his extra efforts and going above and beyond his responsibilities. Before long, he was noticed by Mr. Fishman, one of the Directors of the agency, who needed a personal assistant. Donnell didn't let the fact that he worked in the mail room stop him from meeting the suits upstairs and applying for positions that he knew were available. His extra efforts had afforded him the opportunity to get to know people upstairs, and to get a feel for what they did. He applied for several positions before he finally got selected by Mr. Fishman. Donnell learned everything he needed to know about advertising from Mr. Fishman. Mr. Fishman groomed him and within no time, had him assisting with presentations, which later led him to the position of Director of Marketing. Donnell grew to have a passion for the work. He was determined to learn the world of advertising inside and out. He attended meetings, trainings, networked, and was always abreast on company gossip. His knowledge of the job was so overwhelming that after Mr. Fishman died seven years later, Donnell was named his successor. Of course, after that, there was a lot of resentment and verbal a***e from colleagues who felt their seniority and educational background made them more qualified for the job than Donnell. Donnell knew there would be animosity, after all he was one of the few Blacks in an executive position at Payton's. And he knew it really ticked many of the other Execs off the way Mr. Fishman, a well-respected and successful White man, looked out for him - a young Black man with limited education and not an ounce of advertising experience before working under him. But Donnell didn't let that stop him. He may not have been White, and he many not have had a college education, but he had worked too hard - much harder than the others. He had started from the bottom and had worked his way up honestly. You can't work harder than that. Eventually, one of his many White adversaries, Tom Ellis, was promoted to Executive Vice President. Shortly after Tom had been in this position, the agency began having financial problems. To Donnell's dismay, one of Tom's responsibilities was to recommend budget cuts for the firm. Guess who was first on his cut list? It took time of course, for Tom to get rid of Donnell, but once he got the right people on his side - and had them thinking as he thought, Donnell was out. What Donnell had been paid to do for a six-figure salary, was now being done by some preppy ivy-league graduate for about $50,000. Talk about budget cuts. And Donnell wasn't the only one Tom got rid of. Over a period of a couple of years, any Black employees who looked as though they had potential to make it to the executive level were eventually fired or forced to leave. Tom also got rid of a lot of White employees as well - enough to ensure the company wouldn't be sued for racial discrimination.

Donnell was well aware that at 35, it would not be easy for him to find a job that would pay him the kind of money he had been accustomed to making at Payton's. His area of expertise was in advertising and marketing, and there weren't many jobs in that area popping up right now. Most employers who looked at his application felt he was either over qualified, or not qualified enough, so part-time/temporary work was all he had been fortunate enough to find since he was fired. Over the course of the past few years he went back to the mail room, worked as a telemarketer, worked on the highways, did construction gigs, and tried his hand at landscaping. His last job that ended a couple of days ago, involved making deliveries for a local overnight delivery service. The job itself wasn't that bad, but there were some crazy work hours - no consistency. He never did get used to that. The pay wasn't that bad though. Now, let's see what the city has to offer today, thought Donnell as he scrolled through job sites on the internet. With everything he had gone through Donnell realized how easy it must be for some men to just give up on life. He also realized how easy it is for whole families to end up on the streets, literally walking the streets with no place to go. He knew he wasn't far from that himself. But he also knew that he wasn't going out like that because he knew he had a God that wanted something more for him. If I only knew then what I know now, thought Donnell, then I probably wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. Donnell had matured spiritually. He is not one that would have caught, back in the day, talking about or for that matter, even thinking about the Lord. But oh, what a difference our lifestyle makes. When we have and never need, we tend to take for granted many things. People react to us differently and they even put us on a pedestal. Like Rachel did. Donnell remembered back when she used to hang on his every word. She was always on his arm. He could barely take two steps without her. She was all over him, and made sure everyone knew he was all hers. One of her favorite sayings was, "the most wanted man in the city is unavailable because he belongs to me." Back then, Donnell truly believed that. But after he got fired, and they were forced to leave their immaculate home, and had to give up most of their material possessions, her whole attitude toward him started changing. He went from being "Mr. Magnificent", to "Mr. Low Life" after they had to leave their home about two years ago. Things hadn't been the same for them since. Donnell had always been familiar with the saying, 'behind every dark cloud there's a silver lining', but these days he could truly relate. For if he had not gone through all he'd gone through, he realized he would still be living an empty, shallow life, lacking knowledge of the one most important thing that has ever happened to him, God.

Even though Donnell had been doing well for himself when he was at Payton's Advertising, he knew something in his life was missing. What he'd found in these last couple of years had given him a sense of peace and assurance Donnell had never known before. Once upon a time when he was engulfed in money, material things, worldly possessions, and many acquaintances he thought were his friends, he thought he had it all. He thought he had everything he could ever possibly need in life, especially the love of his life. What else could he have possibly needed. back then, the only time he and Rachel attended church were on holidays or special occasions. Sunday service was usually the last thing on their minds after a late night out partying with friends, hosting big parties, or just hanging out. They were living large, with plenty to celebrate. Everything was going their way - until he got fired. It wasn't until after Donnell got fired and the steady income stopped coming in that the two realized they had never taken the time to put a savings mechanism in place. As a matter of fact, they hadn't put much of anything in place financially. They were spending money just as fast as it was coming in. Once the money stopped coming in, the spending stopped. Soon after the spending stopped, those friendly acquaintances started dwindling in number. Within a year they were forced to give up their home and everything in it. By this time, they barely had one acquaintance left. By the time his so-called friends had turned their backs on him, and he had lost their home, Donnell realized he wasn't far from losing his wife. He had nowhere to turn, and no one to turn to. Friends all closed their doors on him, and Donnell had left most of his relatives behind in Georgia after he graduated from high school. He couldn't go running back to them now. All of Rachel's family was in North Carolina, and doing well for themselves, but both he and Rachel were too proud to call and ask them for anything.

One day on his way to one of his temp jobs, he passed by a busy little church. One of his next door neighbors, Ms. Moore was on the outside of the church distributing pamphlets. Donnell took a couple of them and began reading them during his bus ride home. As he read the pamphlets, for the first time in his life he began to wonder if maybe there was a purpose for that big church that took up nearly a block of space - the church he and Rachel used to visit when they were living the good life. He continued to read and became even more intrigued. He hadn't visited a church in a while, so he decided it was time to find one and pay a visit. Only he didn't realize it would be the first time he would be going without Rachel. Rachel had no interest in visiting a church again at all. After all, to her that was all it was - a visit. The church was a place for her to go and show off her worldly possessions in front of all her neighbors and friends. It was the place to go after getting a new fur or a new boss hat that she just had to show off. And since she no longer had any fancy possessions, what would be the purpose. People would just stare at her because she'd be a stranger to them. but Donnell, he wanted to learn more. And he didn't care if the people thought he was strange. He wanted to learn more of what these little pamphlets were trying to tell him. That first visit back to church turned into several more visits. And before you knew it, Donnell was a regular at the Church of Jesus Christ. He became good friends with the Pastor, Reverend Gregory James. And through weekly bible study and Pastor James' leadership, Donnell learned his purpose in life. He learned about the Lord and what He had done for us. He learned about how God had given His only son just so that a young Black man like himself from a rural area in Georgia, and so many others like him could be saved. He learned that the blood Jesus shed was not only for him, but every person that Donnell knew or didn't know. He learned that because of Jesus Christ, he could have life and have it more abundantly. For the first time in his life he learned that having life abundantly didn't mean possessing everything that life had to offer and living high on the hog. But an abundant life meant living with peace, love, and joy. And this peace, love, and joy would be within him regardless of his financial situation because he knows that God is always right there watching his back. It's the kind of peace, love, and joy that makes it easy for you to speak to a stranger and even smile at your enemy, because you know God has your back. It's the kind of peace, love, and joy that keeps you yearning to learn more about Jesus and keeps you in His word because His word brings so much wisdom to your life.

Donnell thought back to how rough things had gotten for him. There were times when he felt that his life wasn't worth living anymore. That he would be better off dead. But because of this new found joy, he now longed to live. With each passing day comes renewed grace from God, and with that renewed grace comes hope, and you never know what God has in store for you on that day. And you'll never find out if you're dead.  And if he could just make a difference in one life; if he could just get the opportunity to spread this word to someone on death row, or to someone who's living a life of poverty like him and thinking there's nothing else life has to offer, or to someone who's minutes away from ending their life, then he knew that Jesus' saving him, would not have been in vain. He was thankful for all the times Pastor James spent teaching, and ministering to him. And most of that time was spent one-on-one with Donnell. They had bible study together, they prayed together. Donnell had grown so close in the Lord, that he was assured that the Lord would restore his situation tenfold. From all his studying Donnell learned that for everything that happens in our lives, there is a reason. And he knew that the Lord took him through so many changes to get his attention. It was the only way the Lord could hold Donnell's attention long enough for him to listen. The Lord had to bring him down so that he had no other choice but to listen. He had nothing. He had lost everything and had finally been made humble enough to receive a word from the Lord. He was put in a position where he had to call on the Lord. And thanks be to God he is now born-again and knows that his faith will bring him out. Now if only - if only he could get Rachel to see the Lord the way he does. Pastor James had hinted to Donnell about counseling him and Rachel together, but Donnell knew she wasn't ready yet. Rachel would have a fit if Donnell tried to take her to one of his bible studies.

At that moment, the ringing of the doorbell brought Donnell out of his thoughts. It was Renee. Renee was a very attractive brown-skinned lady in her mid-thirties. She had finished nursing school two years ago and was now on night duty at the local medical hospital.  Renee worked hard by night and spent most of her days catching up on her sleep.  But somehow she still managed to make time for her best friend, Rachel, and Rachel's family. Anyway, she could never turn her back on her goddaughter, Kara. "Where is my baby?" Asked Renee. "She's in her room sleeping," replied Donnell. "Thanks so much Renee for coming on such short notice. I owe you so much for this." "Don't mention it," Renee said heading to the kitchen to get something cold to drink. "Whew, it is hot out there already. But actually I was thinking about your situation on the way over here. I know about some openings at the hospital that you might be interested in." "Really, like what?" Asked Donnell. "Well I was talking to the head of maintenance yesterday, and he could really use some good workers to help him. He's had a very unreliable staff lately. He's had to fire three of them in the past month. I know it doesn't sound glamorous, but it's honest work." "Renee, I'll take anything right now. I don't think Rachel will be happy about it though." "Well Donnie look, you've got to do what's best for you and your family. The good thing is the benefits are great." "Sounds good to me," replied Donnell. "That settles it," remarked Renee. "As soon as I go in tonight, I'll mention you to Mr. Dawson. In the meantime you apply online." "I'll do that, thanks Renee." Donnell left the apartment excited and full of hope. Renee laid back on the sofa with her cold glass of lemonade and flicked on the tube. 

                                                                                       ********************

Oh what a day, thought Rachel, as she parked her car in front of the apartment building. I never thought I'd be so glad to see this dump. We had a crowd like you wouldn't believe at Frank's today, but the tips were great. I've got $430 in my purse right now that can prove that. And Keith Staton - what a hunk! He comes to Frank's almost daily and always sits in my section. He asks me out every week, and every week I tell him I'm married. Keith doesn't really seem to care. I know he won't give up on me. I can tell he's successful. Every time I see him, he's dressed to a tee and I've never seen him in the same thing twice. And that smile of his. Oh, it lights up my day! If only I wasn't married. I've got to stop thinking about Keith. A man like that could sure enough get a married woman like me in trouble.

Rachel breathed a sigh of relief after opening her apartment door. She was surprised to see Renee and Kara on the floor playing. "Renee, girl what are you doing here? Where's Donnie?" "Donnie's out hounding the pavement for work, girl. He's been out for hours though," she added looking at her watch. "Should be back any time now. Well anyway, I've got to go home and get a nap in before my shift, so it's really a pleasure to see you." "How was my little angel today?" Asked Rachel as she reached down to pick up the baby. "Just that, an angel," replied Renee, with a smile. At that moment Donnell walked in the door. Rachel quickly avoided eye contact with him, turning her back to him.  Renee shook her head in disapproval, wished Donnell luck and left the apartment. Rachel went into the baby's room to put Kara down for bed.

Well, thought Donnell, She's still angry with me. Not even a 'how was your day, dear?', 'did you have any luck?', or 'are you hungry?' Not even a hello. I've been out all day long looking for work and there's still no pleasing her.  I'm sure I'll get a call from someone though. I even went to the hospital to apply for that maintenance position. Donnell went into the kitchen and fixed himself a quick bite to eat. Well, he thought, just another day in the Gibson household.