Her Ultimate Choice - Revisited

Their Dilemma

As much as he loved his wife, Donnell couldn't help feeling more miserable with each passing day. Rachel rejected him in every way. The two could be in the same room together and she would act as if he were invisible. She never looked at him, and rarely talked to him. When she did talk to him, it was always to chew him out, and making love was out of the question. She acted as though it would be the most disgusting thing in the world for him to make love to her. Consequently, he couldn't remember the last time they did make love. I can remember when I was bringing in the dough, thought Donnell. She was begging me to make love to her. And we made love at all hours of the night. There was so much spontaneity in our marriage. She worshiped the ground I walked on, and I hers. She was so into me then. This made Donnell wonder if Rachel was seeing someone else. A woman like Rachel needs to be satisfied, in every way, he thought. She needed to be wined, dined, catered to, romanced, and made love to. If I can't fit the bill, I know she'll find somebody who can. It drives me crazy every time I think of the possibility of her being with someone else. I've got to save my marriage, thought Donnell. I know that things will turn around for me eventually, but in the meantime, how do I keep my woman? As he lay in bed thinking, he longed to reach over to touch Rachel as she lay beside him sleeping.  He wanted to make love to her so badly. However, Donnell knew that was the last thing she wanted. He looked at the clock, two-fifteen! He turned over and attempted to go back to sleep. Almost time to start hitting the pavement again, he thought, eventually drifting off to sleep.

At the c***k of dawn, Donnell was up and out. It wasn't hard for him to get up. He'd had trouble sleeping all night. He couldn't keep his mind off his woman. He desired her so much. Donnell wondered, Why doesn't she just leave me? I'm a failure. I might as well be dead. Donnell was so deep in thought at that moment that he neglected to see he was in the path of a huge jeep as he was crossing the street. Donnell looked up just in time and managed to throw himself on the sidewalk just as the truck whizzed by him, the driver loudly blowing the horn and cursing loud enough to be heard even with the window up. He could feel the hard pounding of his heart. Okay Lord, so I don't really want to die, thought Donnell. But I need to get my life back on track. Lord I need help. I'm losing control. I've lost my livelihood, my home, I'm about to lose my wife, which means I may end up losing my daughter. My life is a mess. Donnell wandered the streets not really knowing where he was going. He didn't even know if he was emotionally stable enough to face anyone. "Lord", he said, as he realized he had no idea where to go from here, "I'll just let you lead me where you want met to go. Please be my guide."

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Rachel tucked her head as far under her pillow as she could, as she realized her eyes were slowly opening. She'd been waiting for this day off, and to think Vinnie tried to take it from her. With that thought, Rachel looked at the clock. "Ten o'clock, I'd better call the diner to make sure Vinnie showed up." Rachel was reassured after talking with Sal on the phone who confirmed that Vinnie was there. She felt better knowing that, after all, she would not have to go in today.  He was just blowing smoke, she thought. The patter of little feet in her room brought her back to reality as Kara climbed into bed with her mother. Regardless of her feelings about her marriage, Rachel loved her daughter. Even though Donnell and she became parents when their marriage was at its worst, she could not imagine her life without Kara. Whenever I look at her, thought Rachel, it's as if I'm seeing myself at her age. "If Donnie and I were to ever split up, he'll never take my angel from me," she said hugging Kara madly. Just as mother and daughter were enjoying being close, she heard her cell phone ring, or so she thought.  It was Donnell's phone. "That i***t forgot his phone," she said. She wondered if she should answer it. Since she didn't recognize the number, she thought she should, if for no other reason, than to be nosy. "Hello," said Rachel. "May I speak with Mr. Gibson please?" A heavy male voice on the other end asked the question authoritatively. "Well, Mr. Gibson isn't here, will Mrs. Gibson do?" "Mrs. Gibson my name is Bob Dawson. I'm the Director of Maintenance at Cleland Medical Center..." "and?" inquired Rachel. "Your husband applied for a job with us and I would like to interview him." "for a maintenance position?" "Yes, that's right." Rachel couldn't believe it - that someone would think her man was only qualified to buff floors. Donnie could head up his own department of anything if given a chance. Rachel was in shock and did not know if she could go on. "Hello, Mrs. Gibson?" "I'm here," replied Rachel in confusion. "Could you have your husband call me?" After taking his number, Rachel hung up the phone in deep thought. So this is what it has come to? What will people think? What will they say about me? Everyone goes to Cleland when they're sick. So everyone will see him there - cleaning. Isn't it bad enough that all our friends were aware that we were forced out of our beautiful home? Isn't it bad enough that Donnie and I were forced to admit to everyone that we had no money and no place to go? Finally, isn't it bad enough that I had to resort back to Frank's Place amidst all my arch enemies? These were same ones I cursed out and vowed never to see again because at the time, my life was so much better than theirs.? And now this. She was already humiliated. Rachel had had enough. I've got to get out of this tiny shell of an apartment, she thought.

Rachel bathed herself and Kara, ate breakfast, and was out of the door within a couple of hours. As they approached the elevator, Ms. Moore, a neighbor from across the hall, joined them. Oh no, thought Rachel. I hope she's not going to try to get me to visit that little church around the corner again. Rachel thought back to when she used to visit the big church that took up a full block in their old neighborhood. They visited six or seven times a year only to show off her brand named suits and hats. She always knew she was hot stuff! The women would look at her with such hatred, but the men would always throw her sexy smiles. Rachel knew that she was the envy of all the females. Even the pastor's wife envied her. Most of the older women would turn their nose up at her as if to say she did not belong there. Rachel had no intentions of going back into a church again. As far as she was concerned, there was no further need for it. She no longer had anything to show off. Therefore, what would be her purpose? As for the little church around the corner? Rachel had checked out the type of people that went in and out of that church and she certainly had no intentions of hanging with a bunch of losers like Ms. Moore. But Donnie - Donnie had been hanging out there quite a bit lately. For the life of her, Rachel couldn't understand why. He seemed to think the church had the answers to all their problems. But the more he goes, the worse our problems get, Rachel thought. This latest job interview is proof of that. Ever since Donnie has been hanging out there, crazy Ms. Moore has been hassling me about going." She would ask, 'Why don't I ever see you at Sunday service?' or 'I know your daughter would love to join our youth group. And Rachel would think to herself, Leave me alone you old hag. But instead she'd just smile and say nothing. The elevator door opened and Rachel managed to escape without an interrogation. She breathed a sigh of relief as she headed out the apartment building. 

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For as long as Renee could remember, she wanted to be a wife and mother. Making a lifetime commitment was never an issue for her, because she always dreamed of meeting Mr. Right, falling in love, becoming his wife and then the mother of his kids. The problem has been finding Mr. Right. She spent most of her teenage years and then her early twenties club hopping, hoping he would emerge. But all she ever seemed to get stuck with were duds, nerds, or scrubs. Sure, she had her share of boyfriends, but none of the relationships ever amounted to anything special. She wanted someone who was not only great to look at, but who knew how to treat a lady, and who had dreams. Deep down inside she envied her best friend Rachel for landing such a man herself. Between the two of them, Rachel had always been the one who was more laid back and she never seemed to take any of her relationships seriously. She usually dated a guy with one intention in mind, and that was to take him for whatever she could get from him.  Once Rachel accomplished this mission, she usually broke it off. She never talked about a long-term relationship or being married with a family. At least not until after she met Donnell. Renee thought back to when Donnell first entered their lives after meeting him at a club one night. Renee was the one who actually spotted Donnell standing against the wall by himself. Being the bold ladies they were, they approached him. The three of them talked and joked for a long time, but Renee could see his attention was drawn more toward Rachel. She respected that and left the two of them alone. That was how it all got started. In the beginning, it was nothing serious. Rachel and Donnell were just friends and began to spend more and more time together. This solidified their relationship as good friends. What used to be Renee and Rachel turned into Renee, Rachel, and Donnie. He was always there. The three of them became very close - two in particular. It seemed that when things started going well for Donnell on his job, he began spending more money. He made it obvious that he had a thing for Rachel, and, oh boy, Did Rachel take advantage of that! Pretty soon she had Donnell eating out of her hand. He would do anything she asked, and whenever she asked. Of course he fell in love with her. According to Rachel, she also fell in love with him. How ironic she realized she was in love after she realized how much he was worth, thought Renee. But anyway, when he popped the question, she answered "Yes," and the rest is history. Renee never realized what Donnell saw in Rachel that he couldn't see in her. Deep down, she knew Rachael didn't deserve Donnie. But the two of them seemed to have a good thing going when all was going well for them. It wasn't until after things started turning for the worse, that what she had known all along started to come to the light -- that the more a man had, the more Rachel loved him. And the less he had, the less she loved him. What will it take for Donnie to see that? Broke or not, Renee felt that Donnie was a good man. It wasn't his fault what happened to him. Therefore, she did not mind helping him out with Kara when she could. He needed all the help he could get, especially with a wife like Rachel to have to deal with every day.

Renee didn't find herself as tired today. Believe it or not, it had been a slow night in ER, which is highly unusual for this part of town. The drive-by g**g wars, the domestic violence disputes, and drunken drivers must have all been on hiatus. No, it certainly wasn't your normal night at Cleland. So she got up early and worked out. Rachel's off today, she thought, which means no babysitting. So, I'll just lay around today and be lazy. Renee couldn't seem to keep her mind off her friend and their marriage. She was getting fed up with Rachel, but becoming more concerned about their marriage with each passing day. Renee knew Donnell was doing the best he could under the circumstances. But Rachel gave him no support at all. She was always mocking him and belittling him publicly. There were times when Renee felt like telling Rachel that she was being unreasonable, but didn't want to get in the middle of what was going on between the two of them. So she opted to not say anything. The ringing of her doorbell interrupted her thoughts. Renee looked through the peep hole to learn it was Rachel and Kara. Renee could tell Rachel was upset about something, again. Here we go again, she thought. What is she upset with Donnie about this time? Rachel, I am not in the mood for one of your pity parties, she thought.

Before Renee could get the door open all the way, Rachel came rushing inside the apartment. "You would not believe the morning I've just had," ranted Rachel, not realizing Renee was not interested in hearing about it. "Donnie just got a phone call from some maintenance man at Cleland, a Mr. Dawson." Shocked, Renee asked, "Mr. Dawson called this morning?" All of a sudden the conversation seemed more interesting now. "Yes, and he says he wants to interview Donnie. Can you believe that? Do you know this man, or something?" "Well," Renee admitted hesitantly, "Actually I mentioned Donnie's name to Mr. Dawson yesterday during some polite conversation. He doesn't waste any time. Donnie must have filled out an application already." "You set this up for my husband?" Rachel was fuming. "Yes, I did. What's wrong with that?" "You know what's wrong with that. Everyone will know my husband is a floor scrubber, and he'll be classified a...scrub." "You're crazy!" Renee exclaimed. "You want your husband to work, only not in places that you consider demeaning. While you demean him every opportunity you can because he doesn't have steady work. What do you want from him, Rachel?" Rachel wasn't feeling this at all. "What are you talking about? I want my old Donnie back. The man I married. I want him to have a job with a position like the one he had when I married him." Renee just looked at Rachel as if she was seeing her for the first time - as though she had just gotten a revelation about her old hanging partner.  And she wondered, how did we ever end up best friends?  We are so different. Or is that I had finally outgrown our youthful shananagans, and had finally grown up? She knew she could no longer keep her thoughts to herself. Rachel was getting out of control. Her mind should be on her husband making a steady income, but instead her mind was clouded with thoughts of people who didn't care about her at all. "Rachel, do you love Donnie, or did you marry him because you thought he could make a comfortable life for you?" Rachel stared at her best friend of fifteen years in disbelief. "I can't believe you just asked me that." "I'm sorry Rachel, but lately I've been wondering. Donnie's going through a rough time right now, and he needs your support." "Donnie's going through a rough time?" Rachel was still in disbelief. "Hello? What about me? Oh, I'm just the wife, right? I'll be okay. Let me tell you something. I'm going through a rough time too. I've had to make a lot of adjustments over this whole mess." "Oh, yeah. Let me see, how have you been affected by all of this? That's right, you had to go out and get a job," Renee returned curtly. "It's what millions of people do everyday Rachel. You'll live through it." Rachel looked at her friend with such contempt and she no longer felt welcomed. Rachel grabbed Kara and headed for the door. Realizing she had released too much of her true feelings, Renee wanted to make amends. In a desperate attempt for her to understand, Renee added before Rachel left, "Rachel you have to understand. Donnie's having to start all over in life. He can't just take up from where he left off. He's doing everything he can to make something work for him. I can only imagine that as a man, he must feel like he's let you and Kara down. And that you would probably be better off without him. He really needs your support right now." Rachel looked at Renee, opened the door, and slammed it behind her.