Into the Darkness

Angel POV

I am filled with so much sorrow, and a nip-and-tuck there sewn tragically together parts of me are missing. I can’t pinpoint what I am missing anymore. I’m having fits of despair for the parts that are no longer there. - Paula Gallegos

Angel POV

I’ve never been one to settle for what life throws at me. The significance of what life means to me at this point can be compared to a tsunami of emotions riddled in hellfire and lava. The all-consuming smoldering ash that settles deep in my lungs is like a sickness I can’t quite kick with just medications. The battlefield laid out before me is desolate and grim, that alone hardens even the strongest of warriors. The armor around my heart is cracked. The deep lacerations in my mind are bleeding freely with no signs of slowing anytime soon. The trepidation of those that wished me ill are now facing the consequences that are lethal. The river of dark red pools at their feet as it flows from the empty shell, while eyes once full of life shown so brightly, now are void of life at all. The venom that drips from my teeth as a full grin stretches across my lips at the euphoria that consumes my entire being of exacting retribution to those is at an all time high. Knowing that I have fulfilled my purpose allows me to sit back and reflect on what I am and who I am. Am I a monster? Some would be hard pressed to disagree that I am a monster. Was I born a monster? No, but I was created to be a monster and I will not apologize for my actions. Do I need to be punished? I have been my own judge, jury, and executioner and have been in my own personal hell because of the violent acts that were bestowed upon me throughout my life. I refuse to let anyone cause me further harm and I will be my own vigilante and pass my own law as deemed necessary.

Ernesto’s papa Alejandro asked me what I want to do, and I told him that I want someone to teach me how to fight and kill. I told him that I want to kill Emiliano, Chino, and Beto for what they did to me. Ernesto said that he thought that it was just Emiliano that raped me, and I told him no that they all took turns while the others held me down. Ernesto stood up from the bed and yelled out and punched a hole in the wall, he didn’t know that they all had raped me. His papa got up and laid a hand on his shoulder and told him to calm down then he turned to me and placed his hands on my shoulders and said that he would teach me. I was so happy until Ernesto yelled out NO that he didn’t want me anywhere near those f*****g dogs. Alejandro told Ernesto if this is what she wants, and Ernesto cut him off and asked if he gave his mama this choice to kill her papa? Alejandro stayed quiet and turned to look at me and I knew that he was having an internal battle with himself and my shoulders slumped down in defeat and I walked to Ernesto and I told him to please make Emiliano suffer for me.  He picked me up in his arms and I wrapped my arms around his neck and pecked his lips with my own and hugged him tight. I was thinking that I just kissed Ernesto on the lips and f**k his lips are so soft. I had to hug him so that he wouldn’t see how red my face was. I had the biggest smile on my face though and I wished that I had found Ernesto before Emiliano came into my life. I can feel Ernesto’s arms tighten around my waist and I felt so good these emotions were building up in my chest for this man that is holding me right now. I am afraid to trust these feelings because look what happened with Emiliano, even though I know that Ernesto is nothing like that f*****g asshole. Still I am scared, and I am not even sure if Ernesto would even look at me in any way other then a friend.

Ernesto is so handsome and tall compared to my 5’3 stature he is like 6’5 I think with a body that is to die for. His body is covered in muscles, his skin is tanned, with tattoos all over his arms. He has short black hair slicked back with a goatee and his eyes are dark brown and he has full lips and f**k his lips are so soft, and I wonder what it would be like to really kiss him? I can see the looks that he has given me in the past and they are the looks that he is still giving me even now. I feel comfortable being held in his arms he makes me feel safe and if I had the chance, I would want to stay in his arms forever. He finally put me down on my feet and he sat down back on the bed and pulled me into his laps. I had a small smile on my face and when I looked up, I could see his mama smiling at us and I could feel my cheeks turn red.  

Ernesto was talking with Alejandro about how they were going to keep me safe and they said that we all are going to Mexico to their home and that they would be able to protect me better there so that I could heal properly and then they could come back to take care of business. I felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my eye sockets because I have never been out of the United States. I asked what is it that they do because I have never heard of Ernesto having a job or anything. Emiliano didn’t work either, yet he always had money and when I would ask him how he would get his money he would tell me it is none of my f*****g business. He always kept me in the dark about everything. Alejandro looked at me and said that the things that he is going to tell me are to be held in strict confidence and I told him that he doesn’t have to worry about me telling anyone because I don’t really trust people anyways. He looked at Ernesto and nodded and Ernesto held my face in his hands and looked me straight in the eyes. He said that they are with the Mexican Cartel and that his papa is one of the shot callers and that when his papa steps down that he will be taking over the family business. My jaw dropped because I was not expecting this response, my body gave an involuntary shudder. I looked down and bit the bottom of my lip and I could hear the lock on the door being unlatched and I looked up and his papa and mama were walking out the door. His mama looked at me and smiled and then closed the door behind them. Ernesto moved me from his lap and got up to lock the door again and he turned around to look at me. I could feel his eyes on me as I kept my head down. So many thoughts were racing through my mind and it was hard to pick one single thought from my f****d-up mind. I know that Ernesto would never hurt me, but I have heard so many stories about how the Mexican cartel were vicious killers and were ruthless people. But his papa and mama treated me so kind and were like normal people. Although his papa was a little intimidating though, but I knew that they were good people deep down and his papa’s face showed sincerity and compassion towards me.  

I feel like a f*****g i***t now because I didn’t say anything to them, and I am hoping that I did not insult them with my lack of response to what Ernesto told me. I am hoping that they would still help me, and that Ernesto would not think of me has some weak ass b***h. I am so stupid; I don’t want him to think that I am weak. I need to be strong now so that I can get through this bullshit called my life! Ernesto kneeled in front of me and I was afraid to look at him because I didn’t want to see his face thinking he might be mad at me or something. He lifted my face up to him and asked if I was okay, I kept my eyes lowered and he told me to look at him and when I did there was no anger on his face just concern. I don’t get it, I am used to disappointment, anger and rage. This man is confusing but no matter what I still feel safe with him. I looked at him, and I was still biting my lip. He looked at my lips, and licked his own lips, and then he looked back at my eyes and I could see the want in his eyes. He pulled my bottom lip from between my teeth and rubbed it with his thumb. My eyes closed and my lips parted slightly, and I could feel his lips against mine and it was just a simple kiss but so soft. He pulled back and he apologized and said that he shouldn’t have done that especially with what I have been through. I smiled and I told him no that it was okay, that it felt nice because I have never been kissed like that or treated like someone gave a s**t about me. He said that he has always liked me, and he couldn’t understand why I stayed with Emiliano? I told him that I didn’t have any family or friends that could help me, and that Emiliano would not let me leave.

I was nervous to ask Ernesto this next question and I could feel my cheeks turn red and he asked what I am thinking about and I stayed quiet and put my head back down. I asked him why does he like me? He said because I was such a beautiful and strong woman and that I deserved to be treated like a queen and he wished that he would have met me before Emiliano. I looked up at him and my eyes were wide at his response because I had thought of the same thing as well. I told him that I had thought of the same thing as well and he smiled. He said that he knows that I have been through a lot and that my trust issues are most likely bad. But he asked me if I would ever give him a chance to be a part of my life and that he would take care of me and never let anyone hurt me again. I felt like my heart stopped and I could not believe that he felt this way about me. I told him after everything that has happened to me that why would he want someone as broken as I am? He put his head down and he whispered that he has liked me for a long time now and that he had planned to come and take me away from Emiliano today but then I had called him. He said that he has fallen in love with me! My heart filled with so much joy and I leaned forward and hugged him, he wrapped his arms around me and picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I looked at him in the eye and I told him that I have nothing to think about and I told him that I want to give him a chance. He asked me if I am sure and I nodded my head at him and smiled at him with tears running down my cheeks. He asked if he could kiss me, and I told him yes please. He leaned down and kissed my lips softly, and then he deepened the kiss and licked my lips. I opened my mouth and fought his tongue with my own. His kiss was not aggressive at all just slow and passionate. There was so much emotion in this kiss, and he laid me down on the bed laid down on top of me and I instantly froze and started shaking. I closed my eyes and I could see those f*****g animals behind my eyes, and I started crying. Ernesto got off me right away and he picked me up in his arms and started soothing me and apologizing to me. I told him that I am so sorry and that I am not ready for all of this, and he said that it’s not my fault and he should have thought about that and it’s his fault. He said that I have been through so much and that he is not in a rush and he will wait for me has long as he needs to and that he is not going anywhere. He said that he will be right here for me every step of the way and he will help me through my struggles, and that he will help me fix my broken pieces. I cried even harder into his chest because this man is too much! He put me down on my feet and he looked at me and held my face in his hands and lightly kissed my lips and asked me if  I trusted him to take care of me and I told him yes I do trust him, and he said that he would protect me with his life.