Wrecked Love

A glint of light

I'll admit that the whole building thing has thrown me, but I like to keep an open mind and if this man can help I'll be more than happy to give him a chance. I  don't think Nora would've taken me here if she didn't trust him.

The appointment today was mostly just Cole getting to know about me and situation I'm in, and honestly trying to sit there and explain everything that happened felt exhausting. I almost didn't know where to start.

So, I just started from the beginning.

I explained how I grew up with my parents, family and just went from there.

Cole was easy to talk to, he sat in a chair facing me in front of his desk while I sat on the small couch and even his office had a warm comforting atmosphere like the rest of his home.

It was filled with books and every piece of furniture looked loved not worn. It looked lived in.

Cole would occasionally ask me questions as I spoke, sometimes to clarify something or just to make sure he was understanding it correctly.

Mostly he just listened. 

I spoke about the day that I found my dad cheating and how my mom reacted to the truth and what happened after that.

Cole gestured with his hand for me to continue the story when I was contemplating with it.

"This isn't about how I feel about what you've told me, Bella, it's about how you feel. Keep talking, my dear, my job here is to listen, teach and help"

For some reason, what Cole said had a large relief washing over me. The feeling of being able to have someone to talk to where I don't have to worry about how it's affecting them and feeling free to say what I want and how I feel is like a lead weight off my chest.

Retelling everything that has happened and hearing it out loud is making me realize just how insane it's all been and honestly I haven't really had much time to sit and reflect back on it because something was always happening and I hadn't fully realized the magnitude of it.

I am seeing more why I'm in the state I'm in.

I explained everything until the point of me coming here today. It was bizarre talking about it all so freely.

The more I talk and I am completely honest I feel the heaviness and stress in me leaving with the words coming out of my mouth.

It's a relief.

I think it took me over an hour of non-stop talking to get everything explained and I was sure I probably forgot some things but I felt like I'd covered the main points.

Once I finished, Cole has asked if I felt comfortable talking to him and how I felt about telling him all of that and thanked me for trusting him with it. Not to mention he is a doctor.

I did feel comfortable  talking to him, there was something about the man that just makes you want to open up to him. I suppose that's what made him a good psychologist.

It was different having the focus solely on me, when I spend most of my time focusing on everyone else. It's almost indescribable feeling.

Cole said that now that he's caught up on everything he can start working out a plan for ways to address all of it and offer support, he'll me work through it if I wanted to see him again.

I did, I very much wanted to see him again. I didn't realize how desperately I really did need this until I was here; it's more than I thought.

His lack of reaction was also somehow comforting, it made it feel easier to talk and the most he did aside from the odd question was understanding acknowledging comments about how difficult a certain situation must have been for me.

I knew talking about things helped but I didn't realize how much it was going to help me.

As much of this appointment may have not seemed like much, it felt like it made a world of difference because I did feel better, I felt lighter and more hopeful even though retelling all of those things were painful and difficult.

Cole said he'd like to see me once a week, if that suited me and he was available if he I needed to see him to talk if something happened or I just needed to.

I swear this man is a saint.

I almost wanted to pinch myself because it felt like after so many nights, I finally had something hopeful in the middle of all the chaos that could give me support.

He said in my next appointment we could sit down and pick what we would like to focus on first, and what I was struggling to cope with the most and sorting through that.

"It feels kind of weird to have someone to talk all of this about", I say honestly, "It's a bit hard to find people to talk to about your parents without spreading it to the whole world. Let alone someone that doesn't seem bothered by it"

Cole smiles, with an ambiguous tone, "I guess you could say this isn't my first rodeo with helping someone through this sort of thing. Well, I think we've covered all we need for today", he checked his time on his watch.

Nora and I stepped out of the house and I am dazed.

Regardless of how strange today had been though, when we did leave the house, I left with a feeling that I hadn't felt in a long time about how things are going to work out.

Hopeful