Finding Ellie (Complete)

   Ellie Sullivan stood in the foyer of her apartment staring at the piece of paper. The jet black ink a stark contrast to the delicate, creamy white paper. She knew the letter would be arriving any day but now that it was here she wasn’t sure what to think, how to react. Surely it was odd that she didn’t feel anything at all. But, she looked at the very, official looking document, with the court house letterhead, the little blue, paper triangle on the left hand corner with its shiny, silver staple and those signatures; hers so delicate and perfectly placed and Chad’s rushed and carelessly thrown on the paper, made it all so real. The fingers of her right hand automatically reached for the rings she had once worn on her left hand before she remembered she had safely tucked them away in the jewelry box on her dresser just two days ago. The slim woman ran a hand through her long hair, the dark blonde locks cascading into place behind her back, her deep blue eyes the color of a stormy sea. It was a sunny, Tuesday afternoon in mid-August but, yet, the sun’s warmth could not reach her. As teenagers, Ellie and her best friend, Poppy Hartley, would often imagine where their lives would take them. They would lie on the floor of Ellie’s bedroom, posters of boy bands adorning her pink walls. While some of it was pure fantasy - meeting a prince and becoming a princess, touring with the band and winning the lottery – they had plans, big plans. They would meet perfect guys. The tall, dark and handsome type that made you weak in the knees and took your breath away. By now both would have perfect careers, perfect marriages and perfect children. Well, at least one of those things came true for Ellie. Being a successful author was more than she could ask for. A happy coincidence, she thought, and one she had Poppy to thank for. If it had not been for her friend encouraging her to write, she was not sure where she would be. She loved to create stories for parents to read to their children as they got ready for bed. Stories she had hoped to read to her own children one day. As for her other two perfects, well, things don’t always go as planned and now, at the age of twenty-nine, Ellie was almost at the end of what was supposed to have been her perfect marriage and the perfect kids would have to wait. Ellie and Chad had met in college as a lot of couples do however both came from very, different backgrounds. Chad had grown up in a socialite family, going to Ivy League, private schools and admitted to Harvard Law School, partially through his efforts and partially through his family’s substantial donation to the “Logan Law Library”. In contrast, Ellie grew up in a middle class, blue collar family attending public schools and state college before being awarded a full scholarship to Harvard. She had fallen for him and found him very attractive with his well-groomed, golden hair and inquisitive, grey eyes. He was always well-dressed and placed great importance on his appearance. His tall frame had an athletic build to it being that he had been on Harvard’s varsity, lacrosse team. But, even out of college, he prided himself on keeping his trim figure by going to the gym regularly. They dated as they maneuvered their college classes; her in journalism and him in law school. To say Ellie had been surprised when he proposed the day of their graduation was an understatement. Sure, they had discussed marriage but he had been adamant about them establishing their careers first. Chad started his career with a longstanding law firm and moved up the ladder fairly quickly. Ellie, however, tried her hand at journalism but quickly realized it was a “who-you-know” type career. She was not the type to sleep her way to the top. Chad had offered, on numerous occasions, to put in a good word for her, or worse, cash in a favor to help her get a position with prestigious magazines and papers, as if Ellie’s success hinged on his intervention. She had shared her concerns with Chad once but his reaction had been far from what she had hoped or expected. After making her feel like she was living a daydream, she never did again. The memory came flooding in. “And what are you going to do instead?” He had raged, pacing the living room. He was so angry she had an image of him picking something up and throwing it against the wall. “I’ve been writing again, like I was when we first met.” Ellie had retorted, showing him a completed manuscript she was quite proud of. “I was hoping you would be supportive in this.” “Ellie, I’m only going to say this once.” Chad had approached her, speaking slowly like he was trying to make a child understand what he was saying. “My career, as a high profile attorney with the best firm in the city, is everything to me. I will not introduce my wife, the children’s book author, to important and wealthy clients.” Ellie let out a small laugh and folded the piece of paper in half. Of course her marriage had not been perfect. Who has an affair if it had been? When she first found out about it she had been devastated, hadn’t she? She remembered that evening like it was yesterday. As a high profile attorney, Chad was at the office throughout the day and out entertaining clients, old and new, most nights. Suffice it to say, he was rarely home and when he was it was either to change his suit for another meeting or grab his gym clothes for another workout. That evening she had just come in from a meeting with her publisher, the apartment was dark, no surprise there, but when she turned on the light her husband was sitting in a chair in the corner of the living room. One of those decorative chairs no one ever really uses. He was quiet, which was uncharacteristic, Chad Logan was never quiet. Ellie recalled the moment clearly.  “Chad, what are you doing home?” Ellie had asked him and, even though she somehow knew everything was about to come crashing down, his next words felt like a slap. “I met someone,” he had said matter-of-factly, his handsome face showing no emotion. If she was being honest with herself, she knew something wasn’t quite right before everything came out, her intuition had been screaming at her that not everything was as it seemed but she didn’t listen. Now that she thought back on it, at the start of his career she was always going with Chad to fancy dinners and parties but as the years went on it became less and less frequent. Chad would seemingly find excuses for her not to attend, his most recent being that she would be bored and he was really doing her a favor. Small things like that would pop up in her mind every now and again, like the time he came home reeking of perfume. Chad had brushed it off saying one of his clients wives had had a few too many drinks and had taken a liking to him. “Trust me,” he had told her, while loosening his tie and making his way to the bathroom to shower “I made sure she knows I have a wife.”  Trust me. Two words Ellie had come to hate as now she could connect them with every lie Chad had told her. The trouble was, Ellie had smelled that perfume before, and many times after, she had questioned it. It was always the same perfume. If she was still being honest with herself, even if the betrayal had hurt her deeply, she was mostly ashamed at the thought of people knowing she had failed at something seemingly as simple as marriage. What was wrong with her that she hadn’t even been able to keep her husband satisfied? That was exactly what her friends and family would think she was sure of it. Feeling restless, she roamed her apartment going from room to room and making note of things that had to go because they were absolutely Chad, like that ridiculous giraffe statue in the spare bedroom. The room she had hoped to turn into a nursery. Chad, however, had kept putting off starting a family. Now, Ellie couldn’t help but be grateful they hadn’t had any children. In the kitchen, she took out the paint swatches she had settled on earlier that day and chose a bright yellow she knew Chad would have completely despised. She smiled. The painting would start as soon as she got all the supplies. Chad would have hired someone, not wanting to get his hands dirty and, who was she kidding, probably because he had no clue what he was doing. So Ellie was going to do it herself. It was high time she did what Ellie wanted, except she wasn’t really sure what that was anymore. Finally, she sat down exhausted by the thought of simply being Ellie and having no idea where to start. A long time ago if anyone had asked her “Tell me who Ellie is?” she would have been able to answer without any hesitation. Now, faced with the same question she wouldn’t know where to even begin. She had conformed to who she thought she had to be as per Chad Logan, the wife of a high profile, legal attorney. She had become who Chad wanted her to be. She no longer had a sense of who she was. So when Ellie saw her cell phone peeking out from under the couch cushions, she did the only thing she could think to do. Poppy.  “There’s a simple answer.” Ellie’s best friend, Poppy, was saying over the phone after she had told her about the official piece of mail she had received. “And I suppose you have that answer.” Ellie laughed as she filed the letter she had been holding on to for the past half hour and returned to the kitchen for something to drink. She was grateful for the lasting friendship they shared. Having a best friend that lived in New York City while she called Boston home was hard, and they got together as often as they could manage but for the most part they spoke on the phone or used video chat. “Of course I do.” Poppy declared, her friend’s laughter a welcome distraction to her own problems as of late. “You’re going to run away, do something Ellie would never do.” “Excuse me?” Ellie was thankful she hadn’t taken that sip of her water from the glass she had just poured herself. “All right, running away may be a little drastic,” Poppy admitted. “But you do need to take time for yourself.” “I hadn’t really thought of that.” Ellie pondered for a moment. “I….” Poppy sat up, her cell phone wedged between her ear and shoulder. “Don’t you dare say you can’t.” She was already reaching for her jacket and purse. If she had to drive three and a half hours to Ellie’s apartment and pack her suitcase for her then, God help her, she would. “Calm down.” Ellie could hear Poppy searching around her apartment, certain her friend was looking for her keys. “I wasn’t going to say I can’t. I was going to say maybe I should.” “Oh well… that’s great.” Poppy plopped herself down in a chair, her legs dangling off the side. “You should go to a spa for a week or maybe some sort of retreat. You know the kind that has cabins with no television or Wi-Fi. Or maybe one that makes you sweat it out with those cleanses or detox.” “A spa actually sounds like a great idea, I’ll look into it.” Ellie grinned and made her way to her office. “Glad I could help.” Poppy turned on her television set. “Now go book a trip and leave me to The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Those nut jobs c***k me up. There’s nothing like good, old reality television to make you feel great about your life.” Ellie was still chuckling as she sat down at her desk and turned on her laptop. While she waited she looked out the window of her high-rise apartment enjoying the view of the harbor, thankful she had been the one to keep the apartment in the divorce. She knew Chad would never have stayed there. It would have reminded him too much of her and her failure as his perfect wife. She started her search for nearby spas then decided to expand it to other states. Why keep it close? Poppy was right, she needed time for herself and she might as well go somewhere she’d never been. During her search an advertisement for the Ireland Tourism Board came up in the side bar. She suddenly started to question just how far she should go. There was a whole world out there wasn’t there? She clicked on the link. Ireland had always been a destination on Ellie’s bucket list, ever since she had seen a picture of the Blarney Castle way back in the sixth grade. However, she had chalked it up to a daydream that would never come to fruition. Now, as she sat looking at images of the beautiful Irish countryside she wondered if she should. Crazy! What would she do there? Where would she go? She didn’t know anyone, no, it was crazy. The slideshow she had just clicked on had started and the pictures were gorgeous. No, she thought again as she clicked on the “x” in the top right-hand corner. The window closed and she was back to her previous search. Vermont seemed like a nice place. Maybe she could rent a cabin and get some uninterrupted writing done. Or she could travel down to Georgia and soak up the southern charm. Ellie continued her search late into the night, stopping only to grab a bowl of cereal for dinner. Every once in a while her eyes wandered to the never-changing ad in the side bar. Do something Ellie would never do. Poppy’s words echoed back to her. She brought up a map of Ireland, put one hand up over her eyes and pointed with the other. When she lowered her hand, her finger pointed to Shannon Airport. The next step was checking for flights and one was leaving in two weeks. It was perfect. It took her three tries before she finally hit the confirmation button and, before she lost her nerve and did something stupid like cancel the flight she grabbed her phone and sent Poppy a message. I just booked a flight to Ireland. There. No going back now.